What were your biggest fears when coming out? How did you let them go and just take that leap? Did those fears actually ever become present after coming out?
I haven't come out yet but I just feel like I'll be disappointing my family. I personally do not care about coming out to anyone else, I'll be out proudly if asked or necessary. In terms of my family I just feel they come from a different culture, are Catholic and they have a different generational mindset so idk I don't believe they will disown me but I just feel like they will have to constantly put up pretenses when family members ask about me and whether or not I have plans to marry etc, it's like me being gay is definitely going to ruin their relationships with certain bigoted family members and the last thing I want is to make my own mom and dad feel uncomfortable or guilty
I had no fear of coming out to friends, former colleagues at work or my side of the family, and indeed there was nothing to fear. I delayed telling the ex-wife for strategic reasons only (having to do with the divorce), and, after I told her, she proceeded to tell the kids without informing me in advance. Their reactions were mainly indifferent, although she took away the careful preparation I had made to tell them on my own (I prepared myself because I respected the need to do it properly in order not to do any damage, if that was a "fear" then so be it). So fear is too strong a word, I evaluated who should know and who shouldn't, weighed the potential consequences, prepared the actual words and then did it. Everyone, without exception accepted this without reserve or judgment, which is a testament to my great friends and family. I trusted them to trust me and I was rewarded with acceptance and love. Moreover, there have been positive developments, in almost all cases, my relationships deepened somewhat after I told them, simply because I am no longer hiding myself, I find myself much more open with them and in turn, they are more open with me. It has been the best part of this whole coming out thing, by far!
I have come out to at lease a dozen people I am close to and they have been very supportive. I take it slow, as each time I come out, it drains me out emotionally. Each time I am less concerned about the reaction they will have. Taking it slow can be beneficial, need a lot of patience.
some fears are irrational, but a lot of times there are good reasons for our fears. my approach is to tell people who I am sure will be supportive, and not tell those who will use the information to hurt me. nobody has the right to hurt us. and there are lots of people who will support and love us. they key is to know the difference. and as we get stronger, and more confident, we'll know when we can just say the heck with it and come out to everyone. that's my strategy, at least. you'll know what's the right strategy for you. (&&&)
