About a week or two ago I was texting my girlfriend and nobody but my mother and I were home. The day before I won an argument with my father (who thinks I'm straight) over gays having families. It felt very good to see my father's previous opinion on gays change and I felt that I needed to come out to one of my parents. I knew I didn't feel safe coming out to my father because he is still very very harsh towards gays and does not believe in bisexuals (my orientation) I thought it would be best I come out to my mother because she works with gay people so she would be a little more understanding. I asked her to sit down and told her that what i had to say was important. She told me to cut the crap and tell her whats going on. I just said strait up "mom, I'm gay". She laughed at me and told me I was lying. She was completely shocked with the idea and she told me I was just trying to start drama, that I'm not actually gay. After arguing with her over it I ended up telling her I identify as a bisexual. Even after trying to explain it to her she still did not believe me. She told me that I'm gay or not, no in between. I still told her I like both because I refused to have her yell at me and call me a liar. She spent a while searching for an excuse for my sexuality so that she didn't have to believe it. She then started blaming my friends because many of them are gay some are bi and a few are pan. She told me that I idolize my friends and thats the obvious reason why I 'think' Im gay. After explaining to her I had been pretending to have no interest in females ever since I figured out my orientation and it was time for me to tell the truth to somebody I can trust. She kept yelling at me and calling me a liar, she refused to accept me as bisexual or gay but instead blamed me for it like it was a choice. She told me I was stupid and that Im too young to know my orientation and that I've been straight since i was born. She completely shattered my expectation that she would be loving and kind , I knew she would be shocked but I didn't think she would argue with me over something just because she won't accept the truth. After she dismissed me from her room she was low-key mad at me like I did something wrong. From that day on rather than asking me questions and hoping to understand what is going on she denied our conversation and whenever I make a point about sexuality she hangs her head low like she's sad and I just know she's disappointed in me. it hurts to know she can't accept me unless she's pretending I solely like boys. What should I do ? :bang: :help:
God, I'm sorry! I wish I could tell you something to make it better! However, my advice to you is... Don't try to find an excuse for you. I know it's hard for them to understand, but trying to find a way to dissprove your claim will only make it worse. I wouldn't tell them about your girlfriend, and make sure your girlfriend understands and accepts your parents see you as just friends, so you guys can still hang out outside of school. Times may be rough, but at least they don't seem to be going to extremes to change you... I know it sounds harsh but you are lucky it wasn't worse. Good luck! You can always come to EC if you ever want somebody to listen!
Hi, and welcome to EC. First, I'm really sorry you had to experience that with your mother. Nobody should ever have to get such a response from a parent or loving authority figure, and I know how much that must have hurt. This might help a little bit: You've had a long time to think about it and come to terms with it. And these sorts of things take time. On the other hand, your mom is just hearing about it for the first time. And any time anyone processes a loss (in this case, loss of perception that you are straight), there are stages we go through : denial, anger, bargaining, grief, acceptance. What you saw from your mom is textbook classic denial and anger. So the good news is, I can guarantee that she is sitting and thinking. I can almost guarantee that she feels shitty for the way she responded. And I am pretty sure that she'll be thinking about it and sometime before too long, she will start to come around. It really, really sucks to experience what you did. And the important thing is... you told her. It's out in the open. She'll come around, you'll just need to give her time.
Hi gabscat14 It sucks how she reacted, her being your mother and you not expecting her to respond like that but perhaps you should give her some time to process this new information. It might take a while for her to accept your sexuality but from what you've said it sounds like she'll come around eventually.
What Chip said. She's going through the typical phases and hopefully she'll come around soon. I've seen the most homophobic parents go through this and actually eventually come around and accept their child being homosexual, so don't worry! ^^
sorry you had to go through that shitty scene. going forward, no reason to yell any more. you told her, and therefore you are out. you just go on living your gay life. whether, and more likely when, she accepts that is her problem. the fact is, you are out to her now. getting her to acknowledge that would be nice (and will likely eventually happen), but either way, it doesn't change the fact that you are out. Congratulations.
Update: i broke up with my girlfriend on valentines day. my mother has learned to become more accepting of the fact that i like girls and is now more accepting towards it. i came out to my dad and we was (surprisingly) cool with it, I'm still not allowed to date girls.
