Hey EC, After several years of living in denial and trying year after year to shelf the thought that I might be gay, I’ve made a resolution that 2015 would be the year for me to take the very first step in accepting myself for who I am. I guess I was a late bloomer – I didn’t suspect my sexuality until I was around 16, when I dated a friend (female) in school. Let’s just say that I felt that something was amiss and the relationship was relatively short-lived. I passed it off as a “phase”, and shelved the thought that I might be attracted to guys. Then, I became attracted to one of my male best friends and at that time I hit the panic button really fast, horrified that I was becoming gay. Afraid to confront my sexuality and becoming increasingly paranoid that I would be found out (homosexuality in Singapore is pretty much a taboo subject and remains controversial), I tried all ways to hide and fight my sexuality. I learnt how to compartmentalize my feelings and participated in name calling in school, frequently taunting effeminate classmates with words like f*g, sissy, homo etc. This paranoia of mine continued when I was in the military and so did the name calling, as I tried to avoid anything that would label me as gay. Deep down I felt awful and disgusted at what I was doing. I felt like a coward and at the same time, frustrated that I had to be different. The immense pressure both to conform and excel in school and later the military was overwhelming, and I resorted to a brief period of self-harm thinking that I could at least keep my mind off things. My paranoia of being found out also caused me my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, though there were other problems in our relationship as well. Fortunately I chanced upon a flyer from my school's LGBT support group (got a scholarship to study in Australia) last year and after a few months of deliberation, felt that it might be better for me to start accepting myself for who I am and embrace my sexuality. Should I approach them for help? The process looks extremely daunting for me though. How do I start this process of acceptance and how do I meet other LGBT people? (My social circle is basically 100% straight). Growing up in a rather homophobic country and with my parents being the conservative type, I don’t think I would even take the risk of coming out to my parents or friends. I just feel so frustrated that I took 7 years to figure this out and the paranoia that I have is killing me. Sigh.:icon_redf Thanks for reading all this and sorry for this long post/rant.
I have been lurking for a while but finally made an account. This is my first post and I am in a similar situation to you. As far as meeting LGBT people I can provide some advice. Their are plenty of apps out there that specialize in meeting LGBT people. You might also want to try LGBT-friendly dating websites. Ideally you can use those resources to find someone you may know, but maybe didn't know was gay. You can also get to know completely new people. Just remember to be safe and smart about meeting people on the Internet. I just recently started using these apps and am amazed at how many people are willing or interested in chatting.
Being gay is not a choice, so its neither their nor your fault.. Empty Closets - For Parents ->The credible scientific literature ... You might have a look here to get used to the thought: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...fo-you-got-ec-helped-you-accept-yourself.html You might say that your orientation is only a part of you... you are still the same... hugs
Self acceptance is very important. I myself am from and still in a homophobic country. But I understand that my orientation is something that I have. And that I can't change who I really am. Being gay is like having a different skin colour. It's not something that can be changed. Your profile reads as gay, that's one step closer to self acceptance! Like you, Leo, I can never come out to my parents. It is only recently that I've finally thought, hey, I don't need to fulfilly parents' expectations. Remember Leo, you're your own person. Being gay as an Asian is hard, but you're not alone on that. And of course, meeting other LGBTs. You don't always have to meet them in real life. But like someone just mentioned, chat with them online. In fact, chat with -us-. Homophobes are no better than racists.
you have a lot going for you now. you have completed your compulsory military service, and you are out of the country studying. and even better, it sounds like you are now out to yourself, the biggest hurdle of all. You are in a safe place, and so now you can take advantage of all the LGBT resources that are there. If you expect that you will have to return to live in Singapore, you will want to be as prepared as possible for that experience. It will not be a continuation of your previous experience there, because there is no turning back from the truth that you have now recognized. trying to go back into denial is both unhealthy and ultimately impossible. definitely approach that LGBT support group for help. and develop a more diverse group of friends. the LGBT support group will be a great place to start making that happen. I've got nothing against straight people, but if that is all you're socializing with, it makes it all that much harder. Singapore is so small, and they know everybody's business so much, lah, that it might just be too difficult to spend your whole life there. But get a good education, and you will have options. step one is the LGBT support group. congratulations and good luck! (&&&)
Thanks for you reply AviationLover15. Yeah, I tried a couple of these apps and it felt weird imo. All the guys I've spoken so far seem only interested in having "fun" and I had my fair share of people sending me pics of their d*cks, abs and pecs. Oh and I love aviation as well, especially civil aviation. Been a plane spotter for years, it's something I look forward to especially when I'm feeling down. :icon_bigg Thanks jay777! I know it's not a choice, but I find it really hard to accept that I'm gay. However, I'm determined to take the first step towards self-acceptance this year. *hugs* Thanks for sharing Tmy14. I understand where you're coming from. Being gay and asian is definitely hard (for this side of the world at least). My parents have certain expectations and that I feel has influenced the expectations that I have of myself. Hopefully I'll be able to come out to my family and friends... one day.
Thanks for your advice wildside. Seems like you know quite a bit about the small nation of Singapore. :lol: Yeah, I'll most definitely approach the LGBT support group and arrange an appointment with one of the counsellors there! Thanks again!
I lived there when I was younger, so I have a bit of a feel for what it is like to be gay and living there. good luck!
