Well, not sure how old you are, but you look young. Give it some time. There are a lot of people that will grow up in the next few years that want a long term relationship or can at least respect you. I went without a relationship for 12 years. I just had my friend with benefits in my teens, but we used each other. I am going on my first date Wednesday, so don't give up, don't ever give up.
Because of some bad experiences you can't say something like that. You said yesterday to me, that I have to get over on these things and search for an other possibility.... and just because you haven't been with other guy, it doesn't mean that your life is over.... you are still very young and there are many chances waiting for you in the future....
Yeah, not all experiences online are bad. I truly do find that online relationships need to go slow. You can't just have instant love. It is patience and quite honestly, some luck involved.
I don't know how to say this in a sensitive way. I think you have underlying issues that need to be handled before you pursue a relationship. It reminds me of a similar problem I've struggled with. It's awkward as hell to talk about, even with professionals. The best solution I've found is to keep myself busy and pour energy into other activities. My self-esteem was really low coming out of high school. That and various other factors caused a near obsession with sex. I got lucky in this regard because my preferences (there's a need for a lot of trust on both sides) discouraged me from sleeping with people I hardly know. I suggest you enjoy all the free time you have being a single pringle. You get used to rejection after a while. You haven't gained anything but you haven't lost anything either.
Go to a gay bar or gay event and go meet someone in real life. I hate internet dating and blind dates too. I want to meet someone in my own time without any pressure.
Pine, if you ARE gay, then trying to NOT be gay is not really an option. Repressing your true self will only create more problems for you. As for online dating and such... a lot of people online only look for a walking sex toy, but there ARE good people out there. They may be harder to find, and I understand that being gay comes with problems, but hang on. First try to become comfortable by (and with) yourself. The definition of being gay is not the same as having a boyfriend or having success with men online. You can postpone coming out for later, when you are more confident with who you are.
I completely understand why it feels that way, and at first glance, it certainly seems like a plausible solution. At the same time... I think if you think about it, you'll realize that "not being gay" is not too far different from "I just won't have size 10 feet." It's not really something you can change. And even if you could, what will happen is you'll feel even shittier about yourself, because you will know you are hiding your true self, and that, by itself, is a huge hit to your self esteem. You are correct that there's a lot of really shitty people online, and you've had a run of pretty crappy luck with them. But I think as you start to explore yourself more, and better understand and come to terms with your self esteem issues, you'll find that you'll be able to attract healthier guys. It might seem like an impossibility now, but it isn't. Talking about what you're feeling, listening to what people here have to say, and taking steps to better yourself is the solution, not trying to be someone you're not.
~People like us, we've gotta stick together. Keep your head up, find your happy ever after. Cause nothing' in this world's gonna last forever, so while we're still livin', just never say never.~ Pine. Like everybody said, never try to hide yourself over your own mistakes. I gained a lot of courage just to make my posts. But sorry that I can't help. I can only show support; it's the least I can do. You've totally caught my attention, of course. The first to post on my wall, as well as my introduction. To a guy who has been a loner as long as he can remember, even if it's just text, and maybe even faked just for all the newbie support and things, I get too emotional. What you've shown to me so far, and based on what I've seen, you're not a bad person at all. Hope all of what I've seen were real. If real, then, you have all my support. (*hug*) If fake, then I'm embarrassed to have pushed myself to post. :confused2:
Tmy14 when I talk I'm honest. I wouldn't be fake with you. But I've had experience being fake with my family and I don't know what to do. The first guy I fell in love with online, he was older and I thought we would get married and he had a job, and I could get a job and get out of here. But that was never going to happen. Either future I see in front of me right now is going to be damaging probably. Maybe lying is safer.
Then don´t come out if it scares you. Nobody is forcing you, right?! It´s your life and try to make a best of it. Besides I think, that at your age, you feel better in the closet anyway. So, don´t worry too much, let things happen naturally. Remember...baby steps
Why don't you talk to your parents, if you have a good relationship with them, about your future? You're young and although sex and guys right now are very important to you self-actualization is also important. I don't know much about your family situation, but talking to them about it might clear up your mind on certain things. It might even give you the much needed focus and purpose in your life. Once you start moving new ideas will appear to you on how deal with other problems. My suggestion is to ignore the sex part only slightly and focus more on yourself. What do you want, where do you want to go, how are you going to achieve that, etc. Be ambitious and realistic, and the world will become your playground. The more experienced EC members can override my suggestion, if they think I'm dead wrong.
You can't change your sexuality because you have only met gobshites! A straight friend of mine was "stung badly" by his first major girlfriend and I have had great a experience with a wonderful woman. Guess what he is still straight and I'm still gay! Being gay or straight has nothing to do with other people, it's about who you fancy! All I can say is that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince! Keep looking and have fun in the process! And by the way be fussy about your next boyfriend!
I've been fake with my family, too. I feel you. I also don't see a future for myself. At least, my country refuses jobs for gays. But trust me. It won't be damaging. You just need to find the right match. It doesn't take just one boyfriend to lead you to a happy ever after. I've never fallen in love with anybody, but thenagain, I don't know how that feels like. But if it is about attraction and comfort, then I sure did fell in love with the EC community. And, well. Lying to others, I can agree on. I'd never imagine me coming out to people. But don't ever lie to yourself. Unlike lying to others, lying to yourself is more damaging then you think. I feel the need to try and reach out from the monitor. And give a hug. (*hug*)
there are lots of straight guys who have never had a girlfriend and don't have luck with women on line, but that doesn't make them gay. Same applies for us gay guys -- bad luck in relationships doesn't make us straight. But denying we're gay will make us miserable. Just be patient, concentrate on making friends and developing social relationships, and let your sexuality find its natural path. good luck.
Just because you might not be having luck right now doesn't mean you should give up. You don't have to come out yet. That's something you need to take your time with and do when you feel comfortable. I honestly wouldn't worry about the whole boyfriend situation, I know it can be frustrating not having one, I would know. Give it time. Don't force anything on yourself or on anyone else, just let it all unfold naturally. You'll meet someone eventually. It could be tomorrow, next week, next year, whenever. But don't try and not be gay. One, you're always going to still be attracted to men, even if you do force yourself to get a girlfriend or something. Lying is only really safer if you're in immediate danger. You don't have to come out, but I wouldn't pretend you're straight either. It's just not a great idea. I think you'll be fine, I don't think you have anything to worry about based on what you've told us. I don't think not having a boyfriend yet should persuade you one way or the other. Just take your time. Hope you feel better. (*hug*)
