Hi everybody! I was wondering if I could ask for some advice on whether or not it seems like a good idea for me to come out to my dad. Basically, I'm not entirely sure what my romantic orientation is, but I know that I definitely girls, and I am a girl. My dad is not exactly a nice person. He's emotionally abusive and he thinks that homosexuality is wrong. He always makes homophobic comments whenever he sees gay couples, that sort of thing. I realize that it would probably not be a good idea for me to tell him that I like girls, especially since I am currently financially dependent on him and will be for some time. I'm a senior in high school and he's going to be paying to send me to college, so the smart thing for me to do would be to wait until I move out, or just not tell him at all. The only problem with that is that he's been treating my mom a lot worse lately, and I think it's because she's trying to stick up for me. I don't want her to have to deal with him on my behalf. Things are so tense at home right now, and I don't want to make things worse, but I think that if I told my dad then he might focus on me and not my mom. And I'm having a hard time just sitting through all of his homophobic remarks all the time and not sticking up for myself. Any thoughts? Sorry, I know this is pretty heavy stuff and it's my first post, but I don't really feel like I have any other place to turn right now.
not a nice person, homophobic, emotionally abusive, not treating your mother well, and you're financially dependent on him... hmmmm, and what is in the "PRO" colums of the pros and cons of telling him? You make a pretty good case for why you should not tell him. He doesn't sound like someone who I would even tell what I had for lunch, much less my sexual orientation. As far as your mother, she is an adult and she makes her choices about standing up to him. Maybe she will eventually make the choice that the two of you need to get out. Until then, I don't see how coming out to your father will make her life any easier. If she is acting as the defence shield now, think how much more she'll need to do that if you come out. But bottom line, I suggest talking to your mother about it. If you're not out to her, maybe she's the one you should come out to. If you are out to her, talk to her about how you have been struggling with whether to tell your father, and see what she has to say about it. (&&&)
Yeah you're probably right. I think I just needed some reassurance that I was doing the right thing. Thank you
