:help: I'm terrified of coming out as bisexual. I have only been able to accept my sexuality in the last year and have only been able to tell my best friend. I spent a long time repressing my attraction to women because I was raised in a Christian home. I am especially scared of telling my family because of their faith, they don't even know that I don't share their faith anymore (something which happened in the last year also). My parents have never been judgmental towards people who don't live the same lifestyle as them, but they do believe in what the Bible says, which is very clear about same-sex relationships. My parents have always held me to a much higher standard than they would anyone else and I know that even though they wouldn't judge a friend for being bi, or gay, they would think that it wasn't the best choice for their life and if they think I'm doing something I shouldn't .... I just don't know how they would react. I think what I'm most scared of is them seeming to accept me, but knowing that they really don't. That was a lot of rambling ... I guess, I just need some advice about coming out in general, I feel like I'm stumbling along in the dark here ... Thanks in advance
I understand how you feel. I am there myself. It is a gradual process, at least for me it is. You have already come out to yourself and a friend. I think that the greatest leap for me was coming out to myself five years ago. That took decades for me to get to, and is really significant. I came out to a friend after joining EC, and getting inspired to do so by reading so many stories. I've come out to a couple other people so far, but not to a lot of other important people. I came out to my doctor today, at my annual physical. It's all baby steps. I think that we have to be patient with the process. We get frustrated that we're not moving quickly enough along the path. As far as the Bible goes, you can really argue about what it actually says, and the context of it. We don't stone women caught in adultery any more, nor is there any issues with ritual male prostitution in the temples of the false gods that Paul was concerned about. As a Christian, I believe that the most important thing that Jesus of Nazareth said about homosexuality is that we should love one another as he loves us. But you may never change your parents' views on the Bible, so I wouldn't spend too much psychic energy on that. You can live authentically to yourself, and come out to people like your friend who supports and loves you, and be patient with yourself. (&&&)
Well you have come to the right place. Try not to be too hard on yourself just take things a step at a time. Everyone is here to help you.
After spending so long repressing your feelings it's great that you are even thinking about telling your parents, so give yourself some credit for that. Without a doubt, self acceptance is the biggest hurdle to cross and it takes some people a long, long time to go any further and contemplate coming out to any other person, never mind parents. You are making progress, even if it's difficult to see right now. I don't mean this in a challenging way, but the Bible is far from clear about same-sex relationships. Whilst some Christians take the Bible at face value others read more deeply and study the historical context, original language and allegorical meaning behind many passages. It may seem like a new idea, but it's really not. When the Bible is examined in greater detail it can look rather different to the basic literal interpretation. Some denominations are more open minded and encourage their worshippers to examine Biblical passages in a deeper and more critical way, while others frown upon the very idea. Maybe you could tell us what denomination your parents are members of as this may offer an insight into their response to your coming out. Coming out does feel scary, even when you don't have the worries about religious parents, so you are far from alone with this. It's a bit like walking into the unknown and that's not really a comfortable thought, even though it is actually liberating to be free of the burden. Take one day at a time and try to make small steps forward. Small steps eventually take you to a better place.
Honestly, your family most likely won't have a problem with it. May Step-Father was raised Catholic (of all faiths) and my mother Lutheran and since they're my parents, they accepted me... because I'm their son. Your friends, if they are true friends, it will not phase them when you tell them your dirty little secret. They will see you the same way as before, and if the friendship doesn't stay the same, it will likely become stronger. I wish you best of luck!
