I'm gay and I am fully comfortable with that. I'm 19 years old and haven't come out to anyone but most of my friends and classmates. I do plan to come out to my parents and everyone else when I absolutely need to (have a boyfriend) but now I am pretty comfortable without having to do it. I've come to think I'm obsessed with my sexuality. There's literally not a day where I don't think about being gay and coming out and all that, a lot of what I talk about with friends is my being gay and coming out to the point where they have said it's annoying. I want to live a "normal" life, where my sexual orientation isn't all that I am and where I can just talk about and think about other things too. Maybe it is normal if you're gay to be like this but I really wish I could have this as a secondary part of my life.
I know how you feel! Before I told my mom, the guilt of hiding it ate me away everyday! Still, I think once you come out to people who accept you, you can kinda breathe just a little easier... However, we live in an age where, while things are improving, any sign of openness is a protest to people. People seem to think LGBT people want the attention, but in all honesty, most of us care more about being accepted. There IS a reason homophobes are feeling so threatened lately... or am I the only one noticing the rise in activity from them, in attempts to discriminate against us?
Normal is one of the most disgusting, dirty, and filthy words in the dictionary. It is misleading and positively hypocritical in every meaning of the word. Normal is also one of the words that is nothing but fantasy....there is no reality to it at all. Nothing is normal on this planet. Not the weather, not the land masses, not the air we breath. Life is not normal either. There is nothing that is ever normal about life. It changes from second to second, and you have no idea what will happen tomorrow. And on top of that, normal is different to everyone. And for that reason alone, there really is no such thing as "normal".
It's not so much guilt as I guess it is being jealous of how straight people don't need to fret obsessively over their sexual orientation or at least that's what I think. I just wish I could just live it instead of mulling it over and over.
MisterSparkles described it perfectly. Come out of the illusion of "normal". Just make sure you are being true to yourself - rest of the things will fall in place. I can understand your worries since I also have some period of obsessive thoughts abt coming out and all - and it is okay. Sooner or later - you will come out of this loop and it will surely get better. For the time being don't get depressed by thinking what is normal and what is not.. Take your life positively. Focus on other important things in your life apart from sexuality (e.g. developing hobby, learning skills, improving personality, improving social life, ..) Don't over-think that you are not living any normal life. You are living a perfectly normal life. Life is full of ups and downs - which makes life interesting and worth living - rather than a boring life. Everyone(including straight people) in the planet face minor/major(depending on how you take it) difficulties at some period life in one or other form and that is just life and we can't do anything about why is that happening.. You can read interview of "Neil Patrick Harris" where he shares about his struggles.. Only after a person goes through and comes out of challenging situation - he/she becomes strong enough..and in his own words "Awesome" & "Legendary" !! Just live your life naturally.. You will be fine in time..
I think about it every day too, and I used to think about it almost constantly! It will get less in time as you settle into your identity.
I'm basically in exactly your situation too, that over thinking and fretting over my sexuality is just UGH EXHAUSTING. Sigh, I do hope it gets better for the both of us as well all those who are struggling!
Being gay is normal, if it's normal to you. You have to be who you want to be. Know however that not everyone is so understanding and will accept you for who you are, that's just a fact of life with anything, not just LGBT issues. I know the feelings of being hard to come out, especially when it comes to your parents... wondering how they will take it, and how they will accept it. I believe that if they truly care about you, they will try to understand and accept it. It can be hard for someone that is straight to understand how someone can be gay when they aren't themselves, but understanding it and accepting it are two different things. There really is absolutely no 'normal' because everyone is unique and different in their own way. So life doesn't ever get normal, because there is no normal. I know sometimes it's hard to see that though. I think that you are fine and normal, just a bit on the worried side about these things. I wish you well and give my support.:icon_bigg
