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I came out to my mom...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MissBookworm, Feb 4, 2015.

  1. MissBookworm

    MissBookworm Guest

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    (Hopefully this is the right section.) So, I came out to my mom, and after multiple attempts before, she really got it this time. I just sat her down and said, "Hey Mom? I'm gay." And of course she was angry and upset, but at least she believed me this time. Problem is? She's making me see a therapist because of it. An honest to G-d psychiatrist to 'talk about my problems' but I really think she's trying to make me straight. I have to go for the first time this Monday, and my mom is making me go for at least 10 sessions, an hour each. Is there any way to reason with her?
     
  2. Kaiser

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    It's hard for a parent, sometimes, to accept that their child will not be what they imagined. That sounds selfish, but some parents believe, because they raised you, you're expected to be a certain way. This doesn't justify much, but it does explain it.

    That said, I don't think you can reason with her... at this moment. She appears to be pulling at strings here, to deal with this news. You'll need time. In the meantime, this could be a good opportunity for you:

    Your psychiatrist, if you choose to reveal your sexuality, should be understanding. They might even come to your side. But do be ready for the "ARE YOU SURE?" session, which seems to come from many of them. However, this may be a golden opportunity for you, because your psychiatrist may even want to discuss this with your mom. Maybe he'll be the reality check she needs. It's possible it may not, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it.

    And, sexuality aside, it isn't always a bad idea to see a psychiatrist. Let off some steam, and have somebody to talk to. I, when therapy was a more constant thing in my life, would usually always wind up talking about life with my therapist. We'd rarely, if at all, ever discuss myself directly. Usually, I'd have the therapist talking about themselves, or we'd play a game of Chess, while talking about whatever. While I wasn't particularly tickled about it, I made the most of it. Even if I didn't get much out of it, I did learn some things.
     
  3. ANewDawn

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    Your mom's agenda for the therapy sessions won't be the therapist's agenda if they're any good. Your mom wants you to be straight, but your therapist should only be invested in your happiness. Like Kaiser said, they could prove a helpful ally in educating your mother about homosexuality, or at least a safe and positive outlet for anything you ever need to talk about it. There's still a little negative stigma left against people who see therapists, but the reality is that one in four adults see someone in the mental health profession, and one in five take medication. There's no shame in seeing a therapist. I've been seeing one for five years and it has literally been the best thing for me. She has never once told me what to do or that something I was feeling wasn't valid. I wouldn't knock it till you've tried it.
     
  4. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    Just be honest with the therapist. "conversion therapy" is pretty universally rejected. If by some weird chance you get a therapist who is trying to "cure" you, you can only tell them that you're not sick, and don't need to be cured. Much more likely, though, is that you will get an ethical therapist who understands that we can't change our sexuality; and in that case, they can be a great help for you in learning how to deal with family and friends as you continue to come out. Despite your mother's intentions, this may be a real blessing in disguise. good luck! (&&&)
     
  5. jay777

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  6. MissBookworm

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    Thank you all for all the support! I hope the guy will be nice... I don't know if my mom sought out a therapist aimed at trying to 'change me back' or if she just found a random one. I don't think it's a question of her believing me, rather that she is shocked, angry, and disappointed at the news. I think that she believes it, but doesn't accept it.
     
  7. bicurious1

    bicurious1 Guest

    Congrats on being strong and coming out! Not sure what to do about your mom though. Hopefully you can just continue to try to talk to her and make her understand.
     
  8. Andrew99

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    Ya how about this dont say one word to the therapist and just sit there for an hour.
     
  9. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    let us know how it goes! good luck. you'll be fine.
     
  10. MissBookworm

    MissBookworm Guest

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    Hopefully... I mean, I've got 5 years to do it. :/

    ---------- Post added 6th Feb 2015 at 06:34 PM ----------

    Not a bad idea. I guess I'll have to see if the guy is just trying to make me straight or if he actually cares about me as a person. I guess I'll have to find out.
     
  11. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    though you might have to talk to him to figure that out... :icon_wink
     
  12. MissBookworm

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    Well... I might be able to figure that out based on his demeanor. I mean, if he mentions my sexuality straight off the bat, that would be a pretty good indicator NOT to speak to him. But if he seems compassionate, who knows? Maybe I'll talk, maybe I won't.
     
  13. InbornGame

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    Sorry that your mom didn't take things well...hope she comes around for you. Know that it is super unlikely that the therapist will try to make you straight. And if he does...so what? You came out to mom (more than once it sounds like), and that takes a lot of courage and confidence. Carry that confidence with you when you go to see the therapist. Best bet is to try to be honest and open-minded with him. There's probably not a person on the planet who couldn't benefit from a little therapy. Everybody has "issues", but remaining silent with him on the sexuality front may lead him to think that you're struggling with your sexuality more than you really are. Good luck!
     
  14. Lesbianlove21

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    I'm sorry this happening to you. But as a Girl wanting to be a therapist eventually, my outlook would be. " the moms scared, this might be a big giant phase , Or oh shit shes really gay, OK"!! Hehehehe.

    But in all reality, just be honest, be happy, and be happy that even though your mother is probably scared for you, That she cares for your well being.

    Your still young, so for her its not ever gonna be taken seriously. Its how parents just are. I came out as bi at 18, wasn't sent to therapy, but I was defently looked at odd.

    I moved out two years later, never went back. I guess sometimes we got our reasons.

    :slight_smile:
     
  15. Clay

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    If it's a normal therapist, not a "try to turn you straight" one, then they'll be fine. I went to one when I was 16, my mum sent me there (for different reasons to yours) and honestly they're just there to talk. Whatever your mum wants them to do, if it's a normal therapist, wont be what happens I can assure you.

    Also remember we'll be here for support. If you feel like you need help, come talk on the EC we'll be able to help. Good luck <3.
     
  16. doinitagain

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    Hi MissBookWorm
    You never know, the therapist may say that you are absolutely fine and happy, but your mother needs more therapy sessions!!
     
  17. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    that's a good place to be. if you feel comfortable and supported, then it may really help you to talk. and if you don't feel those good vibes, you don't have to talk. remember, we don't always get the best therapist for us the first time out of the box. sometimes the answer is that we're not opposed to talking to a counselor, but it has to be one that we are comfortable with, it has to be the right counselor. good luck, and let us know how it goes!
     
  18. MissBookworm

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    Well, the appointment had to be postponed until today (weather) and I just got back. It wasn't terrible, I guess. He didn't bring up my sexuality right away. But it did come up a couple of times, and now I know for sure that that was why I was there. I don't think he's going to try to 'change me back', but he doesn't seem completely comfortable with it either. I don't know what it is. I guess I'll see how it goes in the next meeting. Thanks to everyone for their help!
     
  19. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    congratulations on staying open to the process. it sounds like it could have been worse and it could have been better. If you're not sure how comfortable he is with your sexuality, you can just outright ask him if he is comfortable with your sexuality. If he's not, you can enjoy watching him squirm; and you can then ask how you can get a therapist who is more accepting and understanding. On the other hand, if he really is OK with it, that would be great to know. Sometimes they are so busy seeming impartial, not wanting to show their reactions, and just making notes in their little book that it can really be disconcerting. Good luck with the continuing process!
     
  20. Clay

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    Just tell him straight up that you're gay and you disagree with your mum. You can even tell him you don't think you need therapy, and you don't really know why you're there.

    If you say that, he'll most likely explain the situation to you.