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asking out a crush

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mikeh, Nov 3, 2008.

  1. mikeh

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    Not sure what to do about this crush I've developed. I met this guy at the GSA, so I know he's gay, and also found out he's single. We actually have a class together, so we kind of have that periphery friendship ("what'd you get on that homework problem," etc). I don't know if it would be way too forward to just ask him out, or wait and try to get to know him better slowly, then see if he wants to go out. I'm kind of leaning toward just asking him, because if he says no, then I can get over this stupid crush....

    What to do?
    Thanks,
    Michael
     
  2. Lexington

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    To me, the best bet is to skip over the "asking out" bit. Seriously. Completely. Treat him like you would a female or straight friend. You still do stuff with them, right? Go to a movie, or a restaurant, or hang out somewhere. But you don't "ask them out", really. You just say, "Hey, wanna grab a burger?" So, treat your crush exactly the same way. Ask if he wants to play video games or go grab a pizza. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. sisyphusstone

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    Would there be a problem if you ask him out? :slight_smile: If not, then I think you should! :thumbsup:
     
  4. Pepsi

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    darn Lexy always says what i would first, seriously I completely agree just treat him like a regular friend. And then if the relationship doesn't work out at least you made a new friend.
     
  5. mikeh

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    Yeah, I definitely see what you are saying. That's how things go with my 'regular' friends... but problem is, I would have no reason to see him outside of class, so it's kind of like we would have to plan to get together. That, and he's not exactly a best friend either, just more of classmate friendship. So maybe that answers my question--I should just wait and get to know him as a friend better first.

    Then again, I don't see any problems asking him out directly, other than him saying no, which wouldn't be devastating or anything. At least then I could get over this crush. Also, if I asked him out, there would be no doubt about either of our intentions.

    Hmmm... still not sure what to do....
     
  6. thugbuster245

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    Mike,

    You shouldn't rush things. I completely agree with Lex. I know your crushing on this guy, but he might not be feeling the same about you right now. Treat the guy like a friend and get to know him first. If you come on too fast and too strong, it'll probably be a turn off to him. Your chances of anything developing then would be slim to none. :icon_wink
     
  7. Mirko

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    Hi Mike! I agree with what has been said above. I think asking him to grab something to eat or for a drink just like you would do with any other friends is the best way to go. I think you have touched on something which is also very important. You don't know how he is going to react. He might not have the same feelings for you and he might just not want to do anything with you there after. If possible, try not to get into a situation in which you might get emotionally hurt, because it might already be difficult to deal with the emotions that you are going through.

    Getting to know him as a 'friend' you will not only get to know him better, but you will also learn as to whether he has similar feelings for you over time. Also, as you get to know him, your feelings might be confirmed or they might actually lessen. The more you know about him the better you will be able to judge as to whether there is a chance that anything might be developing down the road.

    In the mean time, have fun and try to enjoy his company.

    Hope this helps!
     
  8. mikeh

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    Thanks for the advise--thinking about it this morning, I realize you're all right. I shouldn't try and rush anything. Chances are that would be a disaster, considering I really don't know if we even have any common interests (outside school).

    I should have realized this myself, considering the experience with the guy who asked me out a few weeks ago. It didn't last more than one "date." I thought we would stay friends, but the longer I know him, the more annoyed he makes me. I certainly don't want to be that kind of person.