I've been confused about my sexuality from about the age of 12. I knew that I was attracted to girls deep down, but as all of my friends and the community I lived in were all very religious, I tried to convince myself that I was wrong. Anyway, a couple years later all my friends started getting boyfriends and as I had never shown interest, they started asking questions about why I wasn't and that maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Being 14, I felt like it was the end of the world. I made an active effort to meet boys and start dating and even became sexually active in my attempts to be 'fixed'. Despite hating being intimate in that way with a guy, I started thinking to myself that I wasn't a lesbian after all, I was straight, hallelujah! Anyway, a long story short, I was in a pretty serious relationship with this guy for 2 years and everyone's reactions were great - I was normal at last, but I wasn't happy. We broke up due to intimacy problems and I've been single (apart from a few one night stands) ever since. I started sleeping with different guys in an attempt to turn 'straighter' but obviously that didn't work and I just ended up hating myself for it. Now I'm 21 and have finally accepted that I'm not straight and that I am a lesbian, but the only person I have come out to is my mum. It took a few weeks but she has completely accepted me and shown me nothing but love, and now I'd like to come out to the rest of my family. I finally feel happy and that I know who I am, but am terrified of telling everyone. With my mum I felt nervous, but I knew that she'd love me regardless. With my sister and brothers, I just feel like they'd shut me out and maybe wouldn't believe me due to my supposed 'straight' history. I need to be honest as it's affecting my life in a big way hiding it, but I just don't have the words. Every time I attempt to come out, my words get lost and I just start over-thinking and biding my time and then I lose the moment. I really need some advice because I'm losing my mind :icon_sad:
Well, I am somewhat in similar boat. I am 25 and in my college all my class mates had idea that I was in good LDR with a girl and we broke up etc. So I know that coming out as gay will be difficult for me, some of them will be judgmental a lot and God knows what. I am in some dilemma about when and how to come out. Honestly speaking, when I think about coming out - it is just about being authentic to yourself and expressing the same to others. Those who love you will not shut you out - they may try to ask you certain questions because it may be difficult for them to understand and this could be surprising to hear from you - "in from their perspective" BUT that does not change who you are. You can definitely guide them to learn more about you which will change their perspective. You may be willing to discuss about your true orientation with some of them and you may just avoid giving reasons in detail. It is your life and it is about YOU who is coming out. It is likely to happen that - when you share about how you faced difficulty in childhood to "turn" and "pretend" straight and how difficult it was to go through all this, they will not question your history but rather will extend you their love and support. Don't worry. Be faithful in yourself. You have good intentions, don't be scared. Long story short : You don't need to give explanations if you don't want to. It is your life. In long run, it does NOT matter to those who love you - what & why you are not straight.
I agree with vicky90 that you don't have to come out to anyone if you don't want to. but another way to do it is to just go about living your life, and you'll be out and eventually people will figure it out. nobody announces that they are straight, they just live their straight life, bring their boyfriends to dinner, get engaged, etc. you can live the same way. Just treat it like the most normal thing in the world, which really it is, and don't sweat having to make announcements to everyone about your sexuality. if they are slow catching on, they'll figure it out that day that the wedding invitation comes in the mail! :lol: (&&&)
Try not to worry it will be ok. Maybe the fact you have this weighing on your mind means that sub consciously you are also pushing them away? I am sure they will still love you. Perhaps you could get your mum to help you or you could write a letter or email? That way you have time to think about and find the words.
Some people have a hard time accepting that just because you may have had a relationship of a different nature in the past that it invalidates you when you decide to come out. These people are ignorant and clearly have no understanding of what it is like to grow up LGBTQA+. Ignore these people is my advice, and live your life the way you want to. Either these people will see they are being stupid and get over it, or they will continue to be ignorant in which case you don't need them anyway. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors!
I can relate to the fear of telling your family but wanting to anyways. As soon as I was sure I wasn't straight I wanted to come out to my family despite knowing they would react negatively. Your mom being supportive is a huge plus for you, she can probably help you in telling your siblings. My advice would be to start off telling your siblings how much you love them and want to stay close, and that you're telling them this difficult thing because you trust them and know they want you to be happy. I've found that saying stuff like that makes people want to prove themselves to you by reacting well.
