Hey all, This is my first post on here so please be gentle. I knew I was different from the my friends when I was 14 but never took it to heart and played the part and tried dating guys. When I was 19 I found myself needing to be severely intoxicated to be intimate with a guy. I found myself in a scenario where I found guys to be cute but was sexually turned off. The connection I had with my best friend at the time was undeniable but I never acted on those feelings out of fear of rejection as I was 99% sure she was straight. About a year and a half ago I joined a lesbian dating site, not because I was looking for a relationship but to explore my feelings. It didn't take long for me to realize I spent my teenage years chasing tail I was never interested in. I had a connection with girls that wasn't like anything I had ever felt before. I was never ashamed of feeling the way I did but feared being judged, I come from a small rural town and there are next to none out of the closet gays and people are very narrow minded. On June 23, 2014 I met my current long distance "exclusive getting to know each other relationship" and have never felt so connected with anyone in my life. She means the world to me and I would take a bullet for her if it came down to it. It was tough hiding my feelings from my own world so in August I came out to a close family friend. She was so supportive! Said she had known for a long time but wanted me to figure it out on my own...said she would have kicked my ass if I had gotten involved with another guy lol. I finally came out to my Mom three days ago...that was not such a nice outing. She said she had known all along but then proceeded to lecture me on the terms and conditions of who I could come out to and how it would affect my job if my clients found out. I felt so relieved to be able to tell her but it felt like she shoved me right back in the closet. Does it get any easier? I'm feeling really defeated by the whole thing...I don't want to have to pretend I'm just friends with the girl I am head over heels for. Help!
:welcome: Welcome to EC!!! and don't worry, most everyone is gentle here. this isn't like those sites where people are always getting flamed. Congratulations on coming out, especially to your mother which must have been hard. You did the hard part, which is coming out to her. so she can make you get back in the closet. You have shown great courage. Once we come out to someone, there really is no going back in the closet, is there? we can't turn that pickle back into a cucumber. Maybe she's going through a bit of the cycle of grief that family members go through sometimes when we come out (see: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief). You're out, and you don't need to pretend any more! You'll get lots of responses and support here. You're not alone any more. Lots of encouragement, understanding, and people to listen. It's hard for all of us, but you're really incredible in what you've already accomplished!!! (&&&)
I can only echo what Wildside has said to you. Congrats on coming out to your mom. That's an amazing step. I agree with Wildside - I think your mother was a bit more overwhelmed than she could handle when you told her. While she may have 'known for years', nothing made it more real than you telling her yourself, and that can be very hard for parents to deal with. Judging by her actions, I don't think she meant to make you feel like she was pushing you back into the closet. I think she may just have a lot of concerns about your safety and well-being because you're gay. My dad reacted very similarly. The night that my parents found out I was gay, he came up and lectured me about how I could be treated differently and how that scares him. Not the response I had hoped for, but he meant well and I know he's supportive. I think, with time and some talking between the two of you, things will work out. Bring it up with her again. She may have some questions or concerns she wants to share with you, and you responding may alleviate some of her worries. Best of luck, and again, congrats! Welcome to EC! (*hug*)
