I ve wasted so much of my life in the closet. I am not sure I can ever really come out. Been trying to come out to my therapist for 6 weeks now and can't . I am a total f.. K up! I have no idea how to come out to the world and my family.
Hi patty You will get there! have you thought about writing a short note and handing it over to your therapist? It may be easier to pluck up the courage to hand over a note rather than say it out loud?
when I was in my 40's, I just couldn't come out to my therapist. and as I look back on that, I can see what a missed opportunity it was. If I couldn't be honest with him about this most important aspect of who I am, nothing else had context and I really limited what he can do to help me. I got a new doctor last week, and at my annual physical I told him that I was gay and he was able to offer lots of help that I've never had before because they didn't know. He spent an hour with me, and talked with me a lot, and it really felt good. He recommended some therapists that he knows is really good with LGBT people (who are one of us), and if I do go to therapy again, I will be completely honest. It is the safest possible place to get that experience of coming out to someone. If it has to be a note, fine, but just be honest with your therapist and you will feel much better about it and about yourself. good luck. (&&&)
" Coming out " at any age is scary, there is no " right time ". I, too, finally came out when I was forty-six yrs. old. I just could not handle one more day being thought of as a " regular guy ", no different from any other guy. Damn it!!!! I am different from the other guys, I'm gay, and I'm trans-gender-ed, what makes it worse is that I'm disabled and in a wheelchair. I'm so very proud of of what I've become, I spent way too damn long in the closet. For me, I just admitted this to my family, and waited for their reactions. My dad didn't care, my sister said " you've finally admitted it, but I've always known. My brother walked away, and has not spoken to me in three years, and my mom said that she had always known that I was " special " ever since I was born. It's up to you how you " come out " but the sooner you do this, the better off you'll feel. Jaymegurl
I'm so happy to hear you had a success with coming out. I agree anyone can come out at any age, it isn't too late. it's sometimes hard for people, but you will get there eventually. I am sorry about your brother. I hope you guys will talk again soon.
You've come out here. That's a pretty big step, just admitting it in a forum where people can see it, even if it's anonymous. An important part of what keeps us in the closet is shame... the fear that we'll be judged, that others won't love or respect us, that we won't "belong." By talking about the shame with others, we douse it with empathy from their responses, which diminishes and all but eliminates it. Clearly part of you knows there's nothing wrong with being gay, or you wouldn't be posting here. So the next part is to remind yourself that your therapist is there, in your corner, ready to help and support you without judgment. A good therapist, you can tell her you enjoy sex with hammers and hamsters, and she'll go "I understand. As long as that works for you, I'm fine with it." So if you really think about it, I think you know that your therapist would be OK with this, it's simply your fear, your deep, dark worry, that somehow she'll get mad, disrespect you, judge you, or something else that keeps you from telling her. ANd a lot of times it's just getting over the hump. So if you're ready, maybe the next time you see her, you could make the very first words "I need to tell you I'm gay, and I'm scared you'll judge me." Or hand her a note that says it. Yes, it's scary as shit... for about 15 seconds. And then, she'll reassure you... and it will start to feel very different and very good. It's all about being able to walk into that scary place to say it. And I think you're ready.
Don't feel bad about not having the courage yet, it took me weeks to manage to tell my therapist. In the end I just blurted out 'I don't know who I am attracted to' his response was to ask 'male, female or both?' I managed to say 'female' in answer to his question. I don't think I would have managed more than a one word answer. What I am trying to say is no matter how you do it a good therapist should try to make it easier for you and you do not have to say I think I'm Gay or Lesbian you might find it easier to say something that is less than an announcement. I still find it hard to say I'm gay out loud but I have managed to tell my close family and two friends. People come out to themselves at different ages. I only did last year so don't be so hard on yourself.
Just be who you are. Stop pretending to be someone you are not. If they don't like it, thats THEIR problem, not yours! You live YOUR life for YOU, not anyone else. They don't live THEIR lives for YOU, do they? Be the best human you can be, and nothing else matters.
Do this: The moment you walk into your therapist's office, within the first 5 seconds of sitting down, look him or her in the eye and say this in a calm and collected voice: "I'm gay". No preamble, no other words. Then you can start getting to where you need to go, and I'll bet that session will result in more than a few breakthroughs...
I agree with greatwhale. like ripping off the bandaid. It really doesn't hurt. And the therapist is probably just waiting for you to say it
