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Re-filling closets

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lookout, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. Lookout

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2015
    Messages:
    1
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    Location:
    yorkshire
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello all,

    Recently I've been coming out to people close to me, my friend, another friend, another friend, coursemate, another friend... It's usually the same: 'No you're not, how do you know?' Then they pretend I never told them. Basically for the most part, it's not good and that lasts a while.

    I don't know why I started coming out. I think it's because of television. I watch so many series with gay characters that it has sort of normalised in my head. Real life is another story. From my experience, as much as TV would have me believe most people are OK with it; in actuality, they are not. One of the people I came out to, the course mate literally asked me if I was. I said nothing. Then he said: 'No don't worry, it's ok. Are you gay?' I say yes (I'm high). Over the following months, he would avoid me, and when we start talking again, he'd say things like 'gay' and 'faggot' as in: 'I don't like gay music' or 'don't be a faggot.' Granted, he's never targeted it at me, it's usually to someone else, when I'm near. He never used to say it before I came out.

    It surprised me how someone who said "Don't worry, its ok" reacts so badly. I've not come out to any of my family members. My family is a muslim one. As anyone can guess, it is also very homophobic. I love my brother very much and want to come out to him, I've tried several times and thought about it an infinite more times. I just cannot have him turn away from me.

    My parents, coming out to them would be the greatest slap in the face. I go to uni in the UK but am an international student, been studying for near 6 years. This means that my parents have been spending A LOT (Seriously) of money on my living and education. Ignoring the money they already spent before that, and they money they'll continue to spend. Coming out to them would be morbid. like I stole from them, both their money and time. I cannot imagine I know all their reactions already.

    My country is one of the most homophobic in the world, just putting this out there. I could literally die.

    Coming out to the coursemate really reminded me of how homophobic most of the world is, for a few months I really did live in a dream.

    I've been reading the trials and triumphs of all of you and you are truly great but I'm thinking maybe it's not my way to walk. At this point i'm considering getting a beard to live the rest of my life with but there's no online community of gays in my country, atleast not one I can find. I'm still pretty closetted and paranoid.


    TLDR: I need a lesbian wife !



    Also, where the the beard stories?
    Beard = 'lesbian wife + gay man' married.
     
  2. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    don't feel pressured to come out. I think the best way to come out is to just live your life as you are, authentically. when people see who you're dating, it should be pretty obvious and they should accept it just as they accept anybody else's choices. Honestly, my rule up until now has been that I come out to anyone who I think will help me, love me, support me. I don't come out to people who I think will hurt me, whether through their unintentionally bad reactions or through malice. Maybe I'll move on to another stage at some point, like people who come out to make a statement, or people who come out publicly because it's the only way that things change. but for now, I come out when it makes sense for me to come out. but if we come out to someone and they choose not to believe it, that's not our problem. at that point, we've come out and we're not responsible fr what they think. Congratulations for your courage coming out! (&&&)