The first thing I think that I should say is that I am a straight female. I hope that anyone reading this is not offended that I am a user on this site, as I am very supportive of the LGBT community. I need some advice... Today, a completely out of the closet senior at my school approached me. We were talking as we usually do. Out of nowhere he said, "Hey I didn't know your brother was bi." I was shocked, I didn't even think he knew I had a brother. After a few moments of silence, I shook it off and said, "... I didn't either." He replied, "Oh I figured you knew, I thought I'd tell you. I was talking to him for a while." The conversation went on a minute or so longer. But you get the idea. Now, I always considered my brother and I to be quite close. I admit, the thought had crossed my mind before, but it was never a big deal to me because he never brought it up so I was never sure he was. But we generally tell each other everything, especially considering the age gap (He is 24 and I'm still in high school.) He has never mentioned it to me. I generally go to my parents for advice, but seeing as they don't know, that's not an option. So I've decided this is where I would get the best advice, assuming most of the people on this forum are in similar situations. So I've kept it to myself. And I asked the guy who told me not to tell other people, because we both made it obvious that he wasn't out yet. So... should I talk to my brother and let him know that he can talk to me and I support him regardless? Or should I just wait it out for him to come to me? Or should I do something else entirely? I just don't want to give him the wrong impression and I want him to feel comfortable talking to me. I want him to know he has someone to talk to if he needs it. Thank for reading this and I appreciate any advice that you can give me! Thanks again!
As I've never been in this situation, my advice may not be perfect but I hope this helps: As a partially closeted gay I know that if anyone came up to me and asked me if I was gay I'd be very embarrassed and would completely deny it. Do not try and force anything out of him or try and get him to tell you something he's not completely comfortable with. I think if I were you I would wait until he is ready to tell you that he's bi or whatever. You can definitely hint that you're very supportive of LGBT and I'm sure that will make him feel much better without doing anything too drastic. Just my personal opinion. Do whatever you feel is best for you guys and I wish you the best of luck. Plus this guy may not even know that your brother's bi and he's just lying to you, but I have no idea.
I agree that the indirect approach is best. Look for ways to let him know how you feel about the topic. Maybe ask his advice on how you can best support friends at school who come out. That's actually an honest question, because if he is bi he has some perspective on what really helps, and what people thinks helps but really doesn't, etc. the most important thing is that you clearly love him and want to do what's best for him. with that attitude, I'm sure you'll handle it well. he's lucky to have you as his sister. And Welcome to EC! It's always good to have supporters here with us. You may also be interested in taking a look at the "For Parents and Family Members for LGBT People" forum here on EC. :welcome:
I know he is not lying because I have never mentioned my brother to him and he knew his name, age, where he lived, and a few other facts about him. But thanks for the advice!
Hi. As the others have said, it is best to let him tell you. Asking him straight out might push him back into the closet. When I was asked about it, before I was ready, I denied it and went further back into the closet. The best you can do is show support for LGBT issues or comment on how cute a particular gay couple are. The reasons he didn't tell you up until now is that he was probably figuring things out in his head himself and coming out to a member of you family is a VERY scary thing. Either way he'll have an understanding sister when he does come out!
