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Anyone have some generic encouragement for me (telling parents)?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lyana, Feb 14, 2015.

  1. Lyana

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    Hi guys!

    I'll be coming out to my parents next weekend. And since it's something we all go through, I'm aware this is very unoriginal, but -- I could do with some encouragement and advice.

    I've been very casual and natural about coming out so far. The only reason I've had to "plan" to tell my parents is because this is the last time I'll see them both face to face for a couple months, so it's now or much later. I'm seeing a girl at the moment and want to share that with them.

    A little background info:
    - My parents don't consider themselves homophobic, but they are against gay marriage, gay adoption, gay PDA
    - They do occasionally use words like "dyke," which makes me uncomfortable
    - My mother's sister is gay, and my mother loves her to pieces and has always been very respectful and polite to her girlfriends, and they talk on the phone very often and get along very well. But my mom still doesn't think it's "natural."
    - I know they won't disown me or be violent or even insult me. It's just that they'll be disappointed. And my parents are awesome, the last thing I want is to disappoint them.

    So, yeah. That's that. I'm sure I want to tell them, I'm sure this is the right time, and I'm completely comfortable with who I am. I'm just nervous.

    I think it will be easy to find an opportunity. I'm sure my mother will ask me about my love life, because she always does. Even if she doesn't, I could find a way to bring it up. It's just... I'm kind of scared of chickening out.
    I think I should say something like, "I'm seeing a girl at the moment... I really like her. I never told you, but I'm bi and I've known for years." The aftermath I think I can deal with, it's more saying the actual words that will be frightening.

    So, EC, I guess... just help me be strong and brave like so many of you are. I could do with whatever positive thoughts you care to send my way.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Take a deep breath and say it with confidence, without sounding cocky. Be prepared for any questions they may ask and answer them as calmly as possible, even if they do seem strange or annoying. The very worst thing you can do is to get annoyed as that will set a bad tone and lead your parents to question your decision to come out, so don't let that happen, no matter what.

    They may not react perfectly when you tell them and that is to be expected. You've got to bear in mind that you have had a longer period of time to adjust and accept who you are, but they are being hit with the news with no forewarning at all. Like you, they may need some time to process their feelings -- there are stages of acceptance for family and friends too. Hopefully, all will go well and you will not have to worry about that, but just be prepared to give them time, if they need it.

    Good luck. Let us know how it goes. :slight_smile:
     
  3. jay777

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    Just telling my opinion, its up to you what you say since you know them best...
    You could have a look here:
    your orientation is not a choice, so its neither your nor for example your parents upbringing fault..
    Empty Closets - For Parents
    ->The credible scientific literature ...

    you could say that your orientation is not a choice, and that you are still the same person...
    with the same sense of humour...
    that there is something like a kinsey scale, and that its a real preference on a spectrum...

    and that personal reliability or being faithful in a partnership has nothing to do with orientation...
    (its like people liking partners with blonde hair and red hair for accusing wanting both at the same time...)
    and that there are very faithful people in all kinds of partnerships...


    you could imagine the desired outcome...


    see you being brave and sending you (*hug*)(&&&)
     
  4. HiAndBi

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    Hey :slight_smile:
    I'm sending you lots of (*hug*)
    Good luck!!
     
  5. Lyana

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    Very sound advice, thanks for taking the time to reply. ♥

    And thanks for the (*hug*) jay777 and HiandBi -- exactly what I needed! :kiss:
     
  6. Pada KW

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    Its ok to be gay. Better a gay child then a dead one.
     
  7. Lyana

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    Yeah, definitely! I'm not sure that'll be necessary, though.
     
  8. antibinary

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    "- My parents don't consider themselves homophobic, but they are against gay marriage, gay adoption, gay PDA"
    I've never understood how people can think that.
     
  9. jay777

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    Well the question is why...
    Often people have images in their head which have nothing to do with reality.

    For example, orientation has nothing to do with a promiscuous lifestyle.
    There are faithful people in every kind of relationship.

    And, well, they could tolerate it... they don't criticize the clothing styles of other people either, I presume...

    (*hug*)
     
  10. Lyana

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    Well, I think they're a little homophobic (that subtle everyday homophobia, you know?), but my parents take great offense to that when I tell them. I think in their heads, homophobes are the violent people, those who will attack a gay person in the street or insult them without provocation. My parents don't feel like they hate gays, but they're not pro-equality.