Hi, I'm Asian and my mom is a devout Catholic. I figured out I have an preference towards females since 7th grade. I'm in college now. So, I come to the conclusion that it is best to let my parents never knowing I sexually desire females. I don't know about you, but being Asian is a HUGE thing, due to the Asian culture. The Asian culture is very conservative and my mom wishes for me to have kids. She never pressured me yet (since I am currently young and still in school to get a career), but I feel the invisible guilt and pressure. It is very hard, also, because she is Catholic, which makes it even worse. I always saw my parents as people who limit my freedom. I love them unconditionally and I respect them and know they are hardworking people and I definitely appreciate all that they have done for me, but they limit my freedom... I want to have fun with my life, and I feel like they restrict me from that. I know having a good reputation and "good name" for the family is a huge deal to them, which is why I consider never coming out to them. Maybe to my brothers, but never to my parents. I imagine that I will be 100% out to all my friends. But never my parents. I believe this is a perfect situation, because my family is never intertwined with my friends. I guess I needed to rant. But, also was wondering if anyone else experience what I am going through? Should I tell them before they die? Honestly, I don't want to disappoint them, because I want to be the "Good" Asian daughter until the day they leave earth just to make them happy. I feel like ignorance is bliss, in this case. If you read through all that, gee, we should be friends haha. Thanks for reading. Any advice would be nice too!
If you aren't feeling the Need to tell them. And you feel like the cons outweigh the pros, you're definit not obligated to tell them. But I wouldn't commit to Never telling them. It might get to a point where they're pressuring you to get married. You might find someone that you love and want to share that with your family. If it hurts you that they don't know, then maybe you gotta think of what you need first and trust that they will figure out things on their end.
Well, how old they are would be a huge factor it letting them pass naive to it. If they're relatively young, it would be difficult to keep it from them for that long. if your mom wants you to have kids, you can always adopt. There are plenty of kids waiting. Right now, if you're not ready to tell them, don't. Wait until you absolutely know you want to tell them. They will love you, they're your parents. Believe it or not, catholics seem to be more accepting than many other Christian religions. Don't worry too much about religion. Good luck
And another person who brings dishonor to our great Asian famiry . Seriously though, welcome to EC! Besides being a guy who likes guys, I'm pretty much in your situation, except younger. I learned about it in 6th grade, and am now a senior in high school. Both my parents are Catholic, my dad more devout than my mom. I don't want to disappoint my parents, as they've always been there for me, but sometimes, they seem...smothersome. I plan on graduating from college with friends who know, and then halfway through either medical school or something else, will tell my parents. I should be relatively financially stable at that point... Anyways, I hope that you can get some inspiration from this. My suggestion is that you are first honest to yourself, then honest to your family. Of course, it will depend on your family, but if they are as Catholic as they say they are, then they should be more concerned with helping humanitarian efforts than with your "unnaturalness". I read an article about how other Asian LGBTQ's came out and were supported, so know that you're not alone.
Hmm well there's not necessarily a "right" answer here or one that will make all parties happy. I'd agree with what the others said, it does depend on your situation and ultimately you've just gotta weigh the pros and cons. At the end of the day, it's your life and you need to have lived a life that you feel content with. You mentioned that you're in college, so it might be best to wait until you're at least financially stable so you're prepared for the worst-case scenario. I get where you're coming from with the Asian pressures, having biological children to "continue the family line" seems to be an obligation. I feel like not being straight is frowned down upon even more in (East) Asian cultures because there's a stronger emphasis on what is "best" for the collective/family versus the individual. A member of my family recently came out to my mom, and she felt sorry for his mom because his mother had been "robbed of a grandchild". ^I feel the same way, reconciling your love and respect for your parents and the sacrifices that they've made for you with your own happiness can be tough. If you feel like it's safe, maybe try and gauge how your mom feels about GSRM stuff. Like if there's some news about a celebrity coming out or stuff about gay marriage on TV, see if she has any reaction to it. That being said, it can be hard to tell what peoples' true feelings are, and sometimes they're okay with other people being gay but not their own kid Anyway that was all very morose but it might not end up as badly as you think. My family wasn't exactly happy when my relative came out, and they still seem to see this stuff as a "lifestyle" or a "choice". But they still care about him and things have been improving slowly. For a lot of people I know that have come out, their families just needed some time to get used to the idea before slowly becoming more accepting of it, so don't give up hope! Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
I think that everyone comes to a point in their life at some point where they will have to decide between telling their family, or cutting themselves off. I personally have not reached any such point yet, and I dread the day I do, but if anything in our community is a choice, its doing something that still feels unsafe. Good Luck.
