So I came out to my parents a few days ago through a letter. Let's just say it did not go typically, it was neither the ideal 'it's no problem we love you no matter what and it's not something bad and we accept you' nor was it the dreaded 'this is a bad choice you're making and you need to change and I did not raise you like this'. Unfortunately the reaction was a lot closer to the latter but not bad, per se. My dad freaked out but said he has always loved me and will always do so but he thinks I'm 'making a choice' and that said choice is not good and so on. He also told me in a letter about this and how he was worried that I wasn't close to god anymore and that I needed to take the path that him and my mom and god have for me, so he's basically associating my being gay to be 'the wrong path' and that it will lead me astray and what not. My mom was very shocked and cold, she drove us to have dinner because she said she wanted to have a 'serious' talk. She said she doesn't accept the fact that she has a gay son because she's sure that I'm just terribly confused and have reached an incomplete conclusion. That she's not scared of or against homosexuality, but that she's convinced that I'm convinced that I am gay but she herself is not convinced. She's a psychologist so she talked about psychoanalysis and how this is a confusion that arose from a fucked up Oedipus complex and my not so picture perfect relationship with my dad and from not being loved enough, which I entirely disagree with. She wants me to go to psychotherapy because she has the idea that the current take on it is the same as the 80s with homosexuality being claimed to be caused by a messed up childhood and that it can be 'cured' through solving the traumas of said childhood. She made a big point on how she wasn't a common, cookie cutter modern mom that was gonna happily accept it and go on as usual, and not because she's scared of society and prejudices or of homosexuality but because she will not accept something that she claims is a rushed and wrong 'decision'.
You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/comin...so-frustrating-not-being-able-come-out.html#2 and here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-...fo-you-got-ec-helped-you-accept-yourself.html Her ideas of therapy are oudated. If she looks for more progressive ones she will find them. Therapy should help people uncover what is inside of them. Not turn something in a direction that is more convenient for some people. (*hug*)(&&&)
Your Dad's position is naive, but your Mom's is rather more worrying to me. As a qualified psychologist she should know that the American Psychological Association arrived at the conclusion that homosexuality is not a treatable mental health issue as far back as 1975 and the World Health Organization arrived at the same position (later) in 1990. If your Mom really believes what she is saying it marks her out as a maverick with outdated ideas and I'd question her fitness to practice. This is the assessment of the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK: As for the 'wrong path' argument... well, that's really a matter of opinion and scriptural literacy. There are plenty of faithful people (me included) who argue that religion and homosexuality are not incompatible at all. Instead of reacting, your parents need to work through their personal feelings and come to terms with who you are. This means accepting what they have been told without question. Be strong and lean on us for support.
Hi wannaknowmyself, I read your message. I am going to pretty much echo or repeat what the others have said. As much as you say, your parents still love you and I'm sure they do, which is good.But sometimes, the parents need more educating then the child. The thing is you have done your part in saying how you felt, because from what I know and what you know that people digest any type of information differently to another. I would say stay true to who you are, don't let your parents justify or explain who you should be, as you know full well inside. As PatrickUK said, every psychologist says that homosexuality is not a mental illness and if you do manage to see a good psychologist they will back YOU! up rather then your parents. As your mum being a psychologist as I agree with PatrickUK that you mum should know better. So, carry on what you are doing with your life right now, get yourself established or settled whatever that maybe, so that your parents can't stop you living your life the way you feel you want to.
Two videos that have helped my family/friends understand me better are Brainwash: Gay/Straight and the movie Prayers for Bobby. Prayers is an excellent movie in that it portrays both what the son is going through questioning his own sexuality and then his parents' journey through to acceptance.
Hi, and welcome. It must have really hurt to come out to them and get the response you did. I'm guessing that you figured there would be some level of discomfort given their religious beliefs but still... no one expects or deserves the response you got, and it feels really, really shitty when you make yourself vulnerable and share something very difficult and get the sort of response that you did. Your dad will almost certainly come around with time. It sounds to me like he's trying to come to terms with it and to reconcile his faith with his love for you. Remember that this is new to him and he's going through the 5 stages of loss (loss of perception that you're straight) which are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. This can take minutes or months, but usually closer to days or weeks. I think if you give him time, he'll be fine with it. Echoing what the others say... sorry to say it, but your mom's view on homosexuality is hopelessly outdated by about 40 years and is downright wrong. Nobody credible accepts the Freudian view on the cause of homosexuality and unless she's 70+ years old, that's not the training she got in school, either, so my guess is she's pulling stuff out of her ass to support her own denial and *knows* that what she's saying is bullshit. So it may well be that she, too, will come around once she has time to process things. On the other hand... if she's offering to pay for you to go to therapy, and *you* get to choose the therapist... I'd gladly take her up on the offer. Any credible therapist knows that homosexuality isn't a choice and will know after one session that you're solid in your understanding, and so if your mom hears it from another credible professional she'll pretty much have to STFU and that might help her get past her denial. I'd be 98% certain that both of your parents will come around given a bit of time. I hope you'll stick around and keep us in the loop, and that you'll also continue to participate in the community here.
