So, I've been seriously questioning my sexuality for about two years now, since I was 15, and I feel like I really can't keep it to myself any longer. But the thing is, I still don't know if I'm completely sure, and that's what's been keeping me from coming out. I don't feel anything for guys, at least not at the moment. I think some of them are good-looking and I don't mind being friends with them, but the thought of kissing a boy doesn't really make me feel anything, and I'm 100% sure I wouldn't want to have sex with one. But then, there's a girl I have a crush on right now and I can't stop thinking about her and just having her hold my hand gives me the biggest butterflies in the world it's crazy. I've never felt like this about any guy at all ever. I think girls are beautiful and amazing and wonderful and I've never felt that way about boys. I've never kissed anyone or had a relationship with anyone though, but I'm fairly sure I'd prefer to do all of that with a girl instead of with a boy. But I have a habit of doubting myself and stressing over things, so I'm stuck in this mindset of ”well, there's no way of knowing if I'm still going to like girls in 20 years, so maybe I'll wait a while longer,” and I hate that. I'm so afraid that I'll finally feel ready to come out, then do, and the very next day, I'll suddenly have feelings for guys? I hate being in the closet and I hate feeling like I'm not being completely honest with the people I love, because I'm hiding a big part about myself. I want to be able to be open to my friends and family about this, but I feel like if I do, I'm going to have to put some kind of a label on myself. And then that label will turn out not to be accurate? I want to be honest and I want to be able to talk to my friends, but is there any sense in coming out as ”I like girls a lot, guys not so much, and I'm probably gay, but I'm still young so don't hold me to that?” And if not, how should I try to talk to people about this?
I think you answered yourself here. You like girls, you don't like boys. Is this correct? This "it's just a phase" thing is a very common thought, but inaccurate. Thinking about all of your past, do you remember being any different? Probably not. About people, first of all, you like whoever you like, so, even if you use a label today and tomorrow find another that better fits you, it's no one else business. You don't need to worry about labels if you don't want to. You could just say: "I like girls".
If you're afraid that your label (whatever label you might choose now) won't fit to you anymore in a few years- some things might change and don't be afraid of it. Just explain them the situation you are in how you just explained it to us! And if in some years you have feelings for a guy- go for it! I know that the time in the closet might be very hard and if you have accepting and loving people around you just try to explain.. I'm sure they'll understand and that they won't get angry or something if you feel different in a few years. Don't think so much about labels.
I think we spend our whole lives trying to figure ourselves out. you're doing pretty well so far. you can come out as you understand yourself to be now, and if down the road you have more insights you can come out again. once you've come out, the follow-ons won't be quite so hard.
