Hi, so I; like many others, have many feelings of oppression by my own emotions. I have recently accepted my sexuality and have come in contact with another obstacle...coming out. I feel so oppressed and constrained by myself that it pains me. I don't even know who to spill out my feelings to first. I have plenty of friends, but I am not super close to any of them, so I am not sure how they would take it. My closest family member is my mother, she is my favorite person ever. I don't recall having any serious conversations with her, as I tend to keep most things to myself, which ofcourse keeps me in a depression. I do have a close friend that came out to me as bisexual, but I am too scared to come out to her as gay. I don't think she would react negatively, but I feel uncomfortable just thinking about telling her. The things holding me back from telling my parents are...well, let's start with my father. My dad is not someone I particularly like, (I know that sounds bad, but I just never feel close to him at all and I feel uncomfortable around him.) he loves me, but he just doesn't understand me. Both of my parents are very conservative and my dad seems somewhat homophobic. When I hear him talk about homosexuals, he always says they are repulsive and disgusting. Whenever there is something on tv where two guys or girls are kissing, he immediately fast forwards. I just get a negative vibe around him, he constantly talks about me having a wife and liking girls, but I wish he would just stop. He gets on to me for having a bit of feminine "flare" in my personality pool and I tell him I can't help it. He just says how much it annoys him and how I need to stop. Like, I do things with my hands alot, and he makes fun of me for that, he also makes fun of the way i stand and such. It really gets on my nerves, that being said, lets move on to my mother. I'll try not to write a novel :sleep: . She almost knows me too well and came up to me one day and asked me if I was gay, I froze and told her no as a quick response. She told me how she thought gay people are fine and deserve just as much as heterosexuals do. But she did say something recently that flustered me. She said " Are you going to be gay?" I held everything inside and told her no. I realized she probably thinks being LGBTI is a choice. I wanted to explain to her that it is not a choice, but I was too afraid to say anything. I am just terrified to tell anyone I am gay, as there could be so many outcomes. I just want to cry as I am keeping all of my emotions inside. Please if anyone has any suggestions, I could really use them. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. It means alot to me when someone cares enough to help. I hope this was not too much of a burden to read :icon_redf . Once again...Thanks!
So, let´s start with the "easy" part: school. It seems that you already have a non-straight friend, so you could start with that. Even though you´re scared, she will be great "pratice" to come out to others in the future. And talking about others, don´t come out to friends, at least until you´re closer to them or feel more comfortable with coming out. Just make sure they´ll be understanding. Try to casually mention LGTB matters and see their response. As for the hard part: your parents...geez, this is a tough one :icon_sad:. Hmm, it seems that your mother would be the first to come out to, especially because not only she seems understanding, but also because she has a slightly wrong idea of the LGBT community, so you could come out to her and shed some light on that matter. BUT I would advise you to not come out to your mother at all if you think she would tell your dad. To put this bluntly, your dad is living in the dark ages (sounds kinda like mine:rolle. So, as long as your mother can keep a secret, come out to her. If she can´t, come out only to your friends (take your time of course). Good luck (*hug*)
Thank you for the advice. Even though I am utterly terrified to tell anyone, I will build up the courage to tell my friend that is bi. My mom usually keeps secrets well, so I will have to tell her when I feel the time is right, it will take a while, but I suppose it has to happen. I don't even want to think about telling my dad. :eek:
your mother might not fully understand what it means, but she does seem to have a good attitude. it is hard, and can be pretty scary, but it may just be a matter of deciding on what is the easiest way for you to come out to her. the option of a letter is often suggested by people on EC. have you thought about that?
