To start I'm a 19 year old male student. I just got out of a year long relationship with a girl that was pretty intense, but now I've really been distracted by some thoughts I've been having... For years now I've been having bi-curious thoughts and fantasies.. I have become pretty infatuated with the thought of being physical with another man. however, i don't exactly feel that i can be emotionally connected to another man, other than on a merely friend basis. But i can't get over these curiosities and fantasies.. it has come to a point where they are more arousing to me than opposite sex fantasies. up until today i have not told anyone about these.. i told my ex, who I trust more than anyone. It felt really good to tell someone, and my heart was beating so fast and i was shaking, but she was really cool about it. Anyway, when it comes to women, I really enjoy being dominant with them. I like to be in complete control, and hold them down etc... But sometimes I start to think about what it would be like on the other side of that, and i get really aroused by the thought. This is where it gets a little strange, because i know that girls can be dominant in the bedroom too, but the thought of that doesn't turn me on. ME dominating the women turns me on. But i think being dominated by a man also sounds very interesting. And lately I am completely infatuated with the thought of it. Sometimes while watching porn i find myself picturing myself as the girl,(i also watch gay porn, but only get off to picturing myself as the bottom) Sometimes i'll even fantasize about experimenting with one of my friends in particular and them just using me... and now I'm really just turning myself on just by writing about this stuff.. Ive tried sex toys and stuff which are cool, but i haven't gotten much more out of them than just purely fantasizing. anyway, i guess i just need some advice on what to do. I do want to experiment with this stuff, but i'm not sure how to go about it. my ex wants to take me to a gay bar, but I'm thinking of something a little more discreet. I really don't want to throw myself out there too much, especially if i don't even end up enjoying these fantasies in real life. Thoughts? Advice?
First off Welcome to Empty Closets . I agree that when you consider yourself just "curious" going to a gay bar is a bit much. Sounds to me like you're bisexual leaning hetero-romantic and bi-sexual. Not everyone realizes this but sexuality is fluid and not black & white. I'd say you're bisexual and a 4 on the Kindsey scale based on what you described. College is a big place. Try hanging out some gay people who have common interests as you. Who knows maybe you guys hit it off and things just go from there.
