So, I am a 24-year old virgin male and only recently I have managed to tell myself that I am gay, after years of thinking that I am bi and the "right girl" will come. I am so depressed. It's been about one week that I came out of denial and I don't think it will ever go away. I can't believe this is happening to me, everything is a mess and I can't concentrate on anything. I believe the only way that I may overcome the grief of the denial is that I tell my parents, so I can move on. I don't believe I can do anything without telling them. The thing is that I am going to my parents' home in about 1.5-2 months, do you think I can manage my depression until then? Do I need to feel better myself before telling them? Is it a good idea to tell them over the phone if something pops up and I start to cry? My parents aren't conservative, but even somewhat progressive, they will surely cry and wonder. The thing is that they see that I do not live a happy life, I've been trying to conceal my lack of personal life with work and stress at the university and they are sad that I am alone until now. One time, my mother told me "Do you have a girlfriend? A boyfriend? It would be better to have a boyfriend than being alone". At Christmas, I was very sad about not having found a girlfriend until now and I would cry every now and then. My mother was very supportive and I told her "I can't love" and wasn't really interested in any girl I knew. Do you think she knows? I now know that what I truly meant is that "I can't love a girl", I am very sad that I can't and I can't picture exactly loving and kissing a boy either, but now that I have accepted being gay, I understand that I have had some crushes on men.
First of all, congratulations on finally accepting yourself for who you are :eusa_clap :eusa_danc Secondly, I think you should stop thinking about being in a relationship. Doing that usually just makes people depressed, and it´s just not worth it. And besides, before you can meet someone, you´ve got to enjoy being single. Now, your parents seem to know you´re in pain. And hell, your mother actually consented (well, "consented", since you don´t really need her approval to date) you being in an homosexual relationship. So, I think coming out will just make your parents happy, because they will see that you´re finally coming around and figuring things out. Actually I do think your mom may have some suspicions that you´re gay. And lastly, don´t stress too much on the fact that you´re a virgin. You actually make it sound like that´s a bad thing. Hugs (*hug*)
it sounds like your mother is really supportive, and it won't be so hard to tell her. you might cry, but that's ok too. there's nothing wrong with crying. if you're depressed, I hope that you are getting and will continue to get professional help with that. particularly at a time like this, it is important to deal with your depression. but don't feel like the depression has to be fixed first. in fact, who knows, telling her may help you recover more quickly. carrying secrets is a tremendous psychological burden to carry.
Thank you Lanker and Wildside for your responses! As days pass by, I seem to be more confident about my sexuality. I think it would be easier for me to tell them as I am still in the grief stage of the denial, but being more happy with myself when telling them would be better it seems. The thing is that I am an only child and I am sure they hope that they will have grandchildren, so they will be very disappointed, as was I when I realized I was truly gay. I hope that they will understand that the only way that I am going to be happy soon is that I embrace myself. So I hope that not only will they accept me, but they will be somewhat supportive too (I know that they won't be happy though). I can't really do anything with a guy until I have told my parents, so I hope I will find the guts to tell them when I find the right moment.
The world has moved on since I was your age. Of course you can have children if you want to! But first you need to be happy with yourself and hopefully one day find someone special. Try to enjoy each day, and take each day as it comes! Well done for finding the true you!
exactly! as a gay man, you can have marriage and children in your family. things are getting more normal for us all the time.
it takes a while to let it sink in for a while. i'm pretty sure everyone had that stage when first coming out of the closet. i'd say try not to feel too down. you found out a portion of what makes you who you are and you should be proud of that. not a lot of people are willing to admit that especially around your age, when everyone "has done it all". the world changes each and everyday and you'd be surprise at the amount of reception that you would receive. take it one step at a time. if you feel that your parents are the first to go to and be very accepting of who you are, by all means go ahead. you can keep coming here for support, all you really need is someone to talk to. however way you feel is best, is totally up to you. you can take some advice here into consideration. it's your decision by the end of the day.
Of course your mother knows; she is just waiting for you to accept it yourself and tell her that you have. Make it easy on yourself. Write her an official coming out letter, and tell her that you will talk about it more when you come for your visit. That gives her time to think about what she wants to say, and you to get used to knowing that she knows and what you want to say. When you find the right partner for yourself, the two of you can have a family with children if you want to, by adoption or surrogacy. You don't have to live alone and be depressed just because you are gay, or forego a family any more. You can be you, and not have to pretend to be somebody else.
