Hello, I'm nearly 14 year old male, only recently have I started to accept the fact I'm gay or bisexual, but recently I have got really depressed because I have had no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I'm pretty sure my friends and family will be very supportive and loving, but first I really would like to tell my friends my feelings, I feel like I keep FEEDING them lie after lie, they sometimes ask me if I am gay, but I just deny it. There is one person I trust the most with my feelings and she is a girl and we did use to date but it didn't work out because I was lying to myself, after we broke up we became friends and I feel like she would support me the most. But what makes it really bad is that no one suspects it, I act straight and I'm not a feminine gay, I'm just gay, I think. Anyways I want to keep myself anonymous for the time being because I don't want anyone finding out just yet, and I'm scared if I do tell my friends they might tell the whole school, and my school is full of homophobes. The only thing that is stopping me from telling them is that I'm scared, and I have a fear of the unknown about my future. I just don't what to do, how should I approach this situation?
Hey there! I know the feeling about not being able to talk. If you feel your friends and family would support you, then I think coming out would be a good idea. You say nobody suspects it, but your friends ask you if you are gay? I think it may be more obvious than you think. But don't worry, I doubt everyone's guessed, maybe your friends just have a few suspicions One or two of the people I told weren't surprised at all, but I was, because I didn't think it was very obvious at all, but apparently it is! Fear is a very common response, but the way I am getting over it is to tell people one at a time, and only those whom I trust. It means I now have people to talk to about my issues, and means that the homophobes at my school have no idea, because I made the people I told swear to secrecy until I was ready to tell anybody else. I think this would be a good way forward for you. I think you should come out to this girl, if you trust her enough to understand, and not tell anyone else. That will give you someone to talk to, and believe me, it gets easier to come out the more you do it, and then eventually you can come out to the rest of your friends too! If you don't feel ready to come out just yet, or even at all, that's fine too. But whilst I found coming out terrifying, it feels liberating, because I can talk to people about it, and not have to hide from the people I care about most. I hope you work something out. (*hug*)
First of all it's natural to be scared. Give yourself credit for coming out to yourself, it is a difficult thing to do! :eusa_clap You don't have to come out to everyone. Only tell people that you feel comfortable with and only when you feel it is right to do so. How good are your friends at keeping secrets? Try talking to your local LGBT youth support group, you can do this anonymously. (*hug*)
Thank you, I feel relief from being able to have other peoples experiences on coming out, and I want to thank you for giving me advice and it is nice to have someone know your feelings and that u have someone to talk to, and when they ask me if I'm gay I can't tell if they're being serious or not? They might actually suspect something which actually makes me feel a little better because it won't come as much of a shock to them.
congratulations on coming out to yourself! that is a big deal. it sounds like you want to come out to someone, but you don't want it to make the front page of the daily gossip news. it sounds like you trust your ex-girlfriend. do you think she could keep it in confidence?
I hope so, we are great friends now, im thinking of telling her over skype today, on video chat. getting really nervous.
I also feel like I only want to come out to my parents if I ever find the "one." :icon_bigg so I can show them, if i don't find someone before im 16, I will just have to tell them, but i want to tell my friends now. Also if I ever get a boyfriend, I don't want it to be anyone from school, I want it to be someone more closer to home
don't feel bad about feeling fear. it's what makes us human in the first place. the best thing we could do is learn from it. congrats on coming out to yourself. i'd always say be prepare for anything that's to come in the future. you'll feel all sorts of emotions when you come out whether its good or bad, but i guarantee you that it'll be a good amount of weight off your shoulders. just take it one step at a time dude,i wish you luck!
You just have to think about the consequences: Do you have friends who are trustworthy enough that they won't tell the whole school if you ask them not to? If not, would you be prepared to change schools? If it is full of homophobes, would your safety be compromised? If you want to stay in your school and don't have trustworthy enough friends, don't tell them for the sake of your safety. On the other hand, keeping your sexuality to yourself can be really really emotionally taxing as you're beginning to realize. You don't wanna become more depressed by keeping it in! My advice is to find some friends you can safely confide in or find a support group
