Struggling . . . Advice please?

Hi Daniel,

There is no need for apologise here. Well, I am not married with kids, so you can take or leave my advice. If I was in your position and had back up from family, friends or whoever you feel you can trust and you haven't done anything untoward to your marriage, which I'm sure you haven't. It wouldn't be fair on not only you, but your wife and kids. Because IF something were to happen where to happen (I'm sure it won't) in your real life that somebody accidentally knew your feelings about men, would you rather it come from you, then from somebody else. It's not a case of having an affair or anything like that, it's a case of, are YOU! happy with being in a life-long marriage where you will be struggling with your sexuality or (with backing from family, friends or whoever) taking the rougher road and it will probably be hard, but to know full well that there will be a positive end and I'm sure there will be. I'm not married with kids, so how am I suppose to know all of this. But, if you love somebody, you would to be with them in every sense of the word (I don't mean it in a cheesy corny way), but they have to feel like they have your back. What I mean to say is, go with your gut instinct and you seemed to of really thought about this through and whatever you decide to do, don't supress anything or do anything in order to please somebody because if somebody loves you, they will be mad yes, but they will appreciate the fact you were honest, fair and respecting them rather then hearing whatever from somebody else.

 

The only person I told was my mum, talk about going at the deep end. The first thing she said was probably the best thing to say "It's none of my business, it's none of your dad's business and it's none of your sister's business or anyone else's." Actually my mum asked me when I was eighteen if I was gay in the most unlikely but stereotypical place was before a performing arts course audition WOW! What was the giveaway? (lol) My answer to her was "I'm not going to say yes, but I'm not going to say no." When I was discussing it with my mum she said "I kind of knew, but I couldn't put my finger on it." From then, we talk about things anything LGBT related and there is no uncomfortableness there with my mum. As for my dad, my dad is a born again christian but he doesn't seem to have any beef with anyone who is from the LGBT community, he says all the time "As long as anyone is not hurting anybody, then what's the fuss." But, he still doesn't know, it's not because I am scared of what he will say, he is going through a personal situation that I don't really want to speak about, I will tell him. but not until that he is on the right track. I did have a situation where my dad was watching television and I heard him say "Why are there so many gay's on television" I replied back with "Why are there so many people who are straight on television." But it did shake my mum and I, when we heard it, but now he seems to be okay and again I still seriously do not know where he lays about this, so when I am not single, established and settled, I will certainly bring in my dad in some way, it won't be YEEEEARS!! away, but I owe to my parents and as I have a close relationship with them. My sister is on the same wavelength as my mum, she has my dad's belief's she told me that she doesn't care and it doesnt bother her, as long as I'm happy then that's all that matters. I haven't told her yet, but I have had moments where, she has said something in turn which gives me impression she knows more then I think I know. So I'd rather leave it till when I'm with someone. For me coming out, it was a mix of two things...in some sort of way I felt I will be fine, but on the other hand, I did have thoughts of..."Will they see me in the same way?" or "Will they disown me?" In my case, I was lucky and that is not the case at all, my mum and my sister seem to be really supportive