1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Needing help fully coming out...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tiontole, Feb 23, 2015.

  1. Tiontole

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey I'm in a really confusing situation, I'm bisexual and am happily and proudly out to all my friends. The problem is my parents don't like the idea of bisexuality so I told them I'm gay but I've recently felt like I should just tell them. They have the usual connotations in their minds that bi's are people who like to sleep around or that they're undecided.

    I came out to them as a lesbian because I often find myself more romantically attracted to women so I thought it would be the smartest option. (I know it sounds horrible when I say it like that but at the time I was ridiculously in love with another girl and we were going out and I just had to let them know and this was the only way they would accept it.)

    Though even then whilst my parents aren't homophobic they're still not comfortable with the idea that I'm queer. They still treat me the same but whenever the subject of "other halves" is discussed they'll "forget" I came out to them as gay.

    I know it's a weird situation but Ii was wondering if anyone knows what I should do?

    It wouldn't kill me not to tell them but I want to and I feel like I should even if they don't accept it... :/
     
  2. musicman1982

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2015
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi Tiontale,

    With every person they will process to someone coming out differently to others and the same thing goes to parents as well. I would say your parents seem to appreciate your boundaries because its your life, but with some parents (I am not saying this could happen to your parents) that they could either choose not to understand about bisexuality because it either wasn't around or they just flat out ignored it. If you start going out with a man, I wouls say, if it starts to get serious then I'd say tell them, because they are your parents and they should whether if they like or not, if you are not seeing a man then don't say to them, because they are probably finding it overwhelming. So I'd say, don't supress it because of them, just get yourself established and settled first, before you start including everyone else including your parents into this in case if the inevitable happens, which I'm sure it won't. It's just for you personally, I would say don't run before you can walk, think about this thoroughly, in case you get into trouble in any way mentally, physically or even both, I hope this helps?
     
  3. Tiontole

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey musicman,

    Thanks for your advice, the problem is that my mother and father have very different views (they're also no longer together so I can't get one to talk to the other). My mother hates bisexuals but doesn't care if I'm a lesbian. My father on the other hand doesn't really accept either, like I said he's not homophobic he'd just much rather not have to deal with the idea that I'm not straight and so will ignore it and ask me every now and again if I've decided I'm no longer gay.

    I'm not going out with anyone at the moment and like I said I'm usually romantically more attracted to women (my brain just seems to work that way) so I can't see myself "having" to talk to them anytime soon but I do want to even if it's just to stop having to constantly edit what I say. I've known I was bisexual since I was 11 and I fully accepted it just over five years ago so it just feels like I should tell them but I know they won't be happy. My mother and I were once talking about bisexuality and she said "they just can't make up their minds, thank god you are gay, I don't think I could accept the idea of a child of mine being bisexual".
     
  4. musicman1982

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2015
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Oh okay, I completely understand. My mum is kind of the same, she had the same view about bisexuality, you are either one or the other but she has been asking me a couple of times about it and I said "It's like someone naturally just eating their favourite they like, but in someone who is bisexual, they like different flavours instead of just one, it's none because they are being greedy, its just they prefer salt and vineger crisps, rather then the plain ones or prawn cocktail." Other then that my mum hasn't said much after that.
     
    #4 musicman1982, Feb 23, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2015
  5. Tiontole

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bath
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If I do talk to my mum hopefully I can explain it to her and she will understand, I only worry that because she has said she doesn't like bisexuals in the past that she will think I'm doing this on purpose. Plus she is one of those people who don't like to change their minds, once she has an idea in her head of what something is like even if it is not correct then she will never admit to being wrong. Hopefully it will go ok, I hope your mother comes to understand what you mean, it sounds like she might be trying to understand it more so I hope everything goes well for you too!