This is my first post on here, and more importantly the first LGBTQ 'thing' I've ever joined, so hi, I'm Andrew. I have a problem, and I think it's quite a common one... I think I'm gay, I'm like 80% sure. And I'm prepared to accept myself for it, easily, I've been attracted to guys for a while now, and I imagine myself having boyfriends in the future. I'm not saying I don't find girls attractive (this is where the confusion starts), because I do, but it's very rare that anything sexual comes into the equation when I think of women, unlike with guys where it happens a lot. When I see attractive women I can easily stay calm and collect, and have a good chat with them. But when I see attractive men, I get all flustered and I don't know where to look, and I can never think of anything to say! I've heard that with straight men, they get the same flustered feelings when there near attractive women, (is that right?) but with me, it only happens with other boys/men. At the moment I feel really confused, and I'm just dying to know what my sexuality actually is! I feel like I want to know what my label is before I decide whether or not to wear it. :help: Among all of this confusion is that if I am gay, I want to come out, but I don't want to come out too soon, and then find out I'm not gay after all! So what do you guys think? Lots of you have far more experience than me, am I just going through a phase? Or am I gay, or bi? Or heck, any other sexuality! Please let me know what you think, I'm very openminded, and I've tried to express that in my writing, I hope it carries across! Please feel free to reply with questions, because I'd like to get to the bottom of this! Thanks, - Andrew.
maybe you're 80% gay! at age 17, it's not unusual to slide back and forth a little bit until we're sure. It sounds like you're gay, but maybe want to have some more experiences until you're sure of yourself. nothing wrong with that. but you may find that even though you find girls somewhat attractive, there may not be enough juice in that attraction to motivate you to do something about it. but the reactions you have with men, well... (&&&)
Andrew, a warm welcome to Empty Closets. I'm really pleased you have taken the time to share your feelings with us... all of which are perfectly normal. Yep, that's right, all of the questioning and confusion is a totally normal part of finding and accepting yourself and I experienced it too. Is it a phase? Most likely not. Like you and many others, I've seen newspaper and magazine agony columns where the supposed expert tells a young LGBT person that it's probably a teenage phase that they may grow out of it. It really makes me mad to read these comments, because very rarely do they grow out of it. It's nothing to do with 'age' or 'hormones' at all, it's actually something more precious and important - their very real and valid feelings. That's what it is for you too Andrew, it's your real and valid (and valuable) feelings, so please do not take the idea that it's a phase on board. I did that and it really set me back and I have a feeling the same is true for many other members of Empty Closets too. You know, very few people are 100% gay or 100% straight Andrew. For most people there is a degree of fluidity to our sexual and romantic feelings, even if it's only very slight or barely perceptible. We can be predominantly attracted to one sex (like you are) but still recognise some signs of attractiveness in the opposite sex. For some people it's okay to realise this and doesn't cause much distress, but for others it can be very unwelcome indeed as it sets them on a never ending feelings loop, with all of the irritating questions about their orientation that you have now. Personally, I think you probably are gay, but while you still have these questions you may prefer to say you are bi and come out as such, and that's totally okay. If you later find that you are so attracted to guys that you can only be gay, that's okay too. It's not for anyone else to label you or pass judgement if you later change your mind. If they do, they need to get over themselves. You're on a well trodden journey Andrew and you will eventually discover who you are for yourself. You are the most important person on your journey, but we are here to share it with you if you need support. I think a journey is better when it's shared.
I'm in exactly the same spot as you. Except I decided to tell one person, my mom, where I was at. And I got a therapist to help me sort through my thoughts and to help me figure it out. Now that I've told someone it's kind of forcing me to take action on it. After 8 years of standing in exactly the same spot I'm finally starting to take (very small) steps forward. And boy do those steps feel enormous.
I felt exactly the same way a few months ago. I was like 90% sure I was gay, like I knew I liked guys- and felt I could definitely be in a relationship with one. But I thought some girls were pretty, though I could never bring myself to think of them sexually(I definitely could with guys). I wanted to come out but I was afraid, what if I came out and by 1/1000000 chance ended up falling for a girl. After much self reflection I decided that at the end of the day gay is just a label, and the people I wanted to tell wouldn't understand if I tried to explain my feelings. So I just told them that I was gay. Plus I've noticed that now that I've been out for a little while, and embraced my attraction to guys- girls seem less pretty. Hope this helped
You don't need to "label" yourself at all. Do some explorations. Get some experience with other gay guys and see how it feels. It will probably feel more natural either with men or women as you explore. If you ever become certain about which gender you prefer being with, then you can label yourself and come out when you are ready, but doing it before you are sure is probably more likely to cause you more problems than just quietly exploring your options.
Hi, thanks so much for replying, your reply is the most helpful of them all as you were in the same boat as me! I think I'm ready to fully accept that I'm gay now after reading all of the replies in this thread...! ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2015 at 09:19 PM ---------- Haha, thank you! And thanks for your thoughts and advice earlier in this thread! ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2015 at 09:21 PM ---------- Thanks, it's great to get a little insight to people who are in my situation. It's great to hear your heading in the right direction! Good luck with everything! ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2015 at 09:23 PM ---------- Thanks! It's great to become part of the community. Your reply helped me, so much so that I think I'm now ready to say it, for sure, "I'm gay." I've got a long way to go still so I'm sure I'll be posting lots more on here, and I really like the atmosphere of this forum.
Hooray! Congratulations!!! Coming out to yourself is the most important coming out of all. And I think it's a really great feeling. Welcome to the club, brother! :thewave!)(!!)(!):music::wow:ride:
Thanks, I'm happy I could help ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2015 at 09:11 PM ---------- Also I believe congratulations are in order!
