I have five long weeks of helping out with a bible school at the church I go to starting on Wednesday. The thing is, I was planning on coming out this weekend, all the while forgetting about helping out with the bible school. If/When my youth group leader reacts badly it will be a very awkward 5 weeks during the bible school. Is it worth it?
How do you know that he/she is going to react badly? Personally, I would come out to him/her privately before going the full way.
well, ask yourself some questions to help yourself figure this out. for example, what in your life will change if you wait for five weeks to come out? are you afraid that you won't be gay if you wait? or are you just bursting and you can't hold it in any longer? are you having to lie about your sexuality because you're not out? how committed are you to working with this group? will they be impacted by you dropping out at the last minute? or will it be worse if the staff or parents find out five weeks from now that a gay kid was helping to run this youth program? (like, will they really get angry at you?). what's the worst/best thing about coming out right now? what's the worst/best thing about waiting for five weeks? those are just some open ended questions that come to mind, and you can surely think of some more, from the ridiculous to the sublime. Just think about it from every possible angle, and see how you respond. and maybe then it will become clear to you what you need to do, and when. good luck!
1. or are you just bursting and you can't hold it in any longer? are you having to lie about your sexuality because you're not out? Yes and yes. 2. how committed are you to working with this group? will they be impacted by you dropping out at the last minute? I'm pretty comitted to working with them. Some of my best friends are in the group and the entire program would also be affected if anyone drops out since we don't have time to find anyone else and we barley have enough people to help out as it is. 3. or will it be worse if the staff or parents find out five weeks from now that a gay kid was helping to run this youth program? (like, will they really get angry at you?). The parents and most of the staff probably won't mind but I'm worried that the main person on the staff will be upset because she's extremly religous. 4. what's the worst/best thing about coming out right now? The worst is the potential for things to get very awkward for the next five weeks before the group can afford to have me or anyone else leave. The best is I'll finally feel more or less free to be myself. 5 or 6.. what's the worst/best thing about waiting for five weeks? Worst is that I'll probably have to deal with my anxity being horrible for the next five weeks and the best is me and everyone else in the group won't having to deal with either things getting really awkward and/or losing a person at the last minute (Especially since I'm working on a part of the bible school that needs 6 people and only has two people who are definially helping out (Including me.) and one who we won't know about until this Wednsday when It'll be too late to find anyone else.
OK, well you're walking through the process. Only you can reflect on your answers, and on the answers to other questions that you may come up with, and then make your decision. you might want to sit down and think of what other questions you would ask yourself, write them down, and write down your answers, just like you did here. It's a useful exercise to get your thoughts organized. Another technique (like the last questions) is to take two pieces of paper, one labeled "pro" and the other labeled "con," and write down all the positives and negatives of coming out right away. Sometimes, we are dealing with issues that have such clear and compelling factors that they are easy to decide. Do I put my hand on a hot stove? No, because it will cause me excruciating pain, and nothing good will come of it. That's easy. But your situation is harder because there are positives and negatives on both sides. For me, personally, I would probably place the good of the group over my personal good. Now, that may sound like I'm saying wait, but I'm not. There are also negatives about not being honest, so there are so many layers here. Perhaps one more question would be, what does coming out really mean in this context. Your profile says you're 13, you're working with a youth group (kids your age? little kids?). Does coming out mean you wear a shirt that says your out, or that you stand up and make a public announcement? Or does it just mean that you tell the group leader (the very religious, somewhat homophobic woman?). Remember, the heteros don't go around telling people they're straight, they just are. They just live their lives as straight people. That's always an option for us to. When you tell you're parents who you're dating, they'll get the clue. I'm just brainstorming here a bit, so just take it all as a bunch of possibilities to consider. You write well, and you have a logical mind, so you can take all the possibilities and bring some order to that chaos of ideas. One thing, though, is that you can take some comfort in the fact that one way or the other, you will be out in five weeks.
I'm part of a group of kids that's mostly older than me and we're working with younger kids. I'm pretty sure coming out will just (Hopefully) mean telling the group and the leader. I'll try later to write down all my answers to these questions and the pros and cons of each, right now I'm in a rush because I have a lot to do today to get ready for Wednesday.
