Unsure of what I should do?

Rewind 20 odd years and it could have been me writing the very same words Partech. I can relate to everything you said. The feelings of doubt, questioning and uncertainty are normal part of the self acceptance process, but if something deep within you is telling you that you are gay it's time to connect with the idea, because it will not leave you. The feelings are there for a reason.

 

I think you have it backwards; explore your sexuality first, before declaring yourself with a label. You can go to gay clubs or social groups or just hang out with some gay friends before putting a rainbow shirt on. That way, you will confirm your feelings while at the same time building a support group to help you come out when you are ready. IF it doesn't feel right as you explore, you don't have any backtracking to do by labeling yourself early. You don't have to declare yourself as anything to explore.

 

I am sadly in the same boat mate. Almost everything you wrote resonates with myself, albeit I am a bit older than you. I am stuck in the conundrum of almost being completely sure that I am gay and wanting to come out, but the fact that I've never been with a bloke means that there is always that bit of doubt, or lack of surety. I'd agree with the poster above that you don't need to be out to try it on with guys, but that feels quite daunting to me and is easier said than done. Like you I'm not sure I feel comfortable with that- doing so on my own, which leads me back to wanting to tell someone, and then we go round in circles again and feel stuck. I guess you just have to do what feels right for you, and just take some action, as in the end it's probably not going to matter too much, but yeah I feel absolutely the same way.

 

Yep. In my situation I'd be more likely to tell just some friends first. I have a couple of gay friends, who to be honest I'm not best mates with but mates nonetheless, who I think would be understanding and be good moral support if we ever went to a club or gay event or whatever. My closer friends would also be totally cool with it, but even though they are gay friendly I just wonder how much help they'll be. Who knows, maybe just telling someone is all the push we need.

You could definitely come out without a label, and do so more casually, if you didn't want to make it a big deal. Like you could suggest that you like guys but are a bit uncertain and want to experiment or something. I'd probably rather be a bit more assured than that, but it is up to you. It seems for me that the path that makes the most sense is tell some friends > find someone to root > tell family, but as everyone will tell you on here there is no right way to come out yada yada.

---------- Post added 25th Feb 2015 at 04:16 AM ----------

I'll also add that because there are so many ways of coming out, I think it makes it a little bit more difficult in making a decision which is best. I mean you could experiment without telling anyone via online dating, apps, anonymous websites (I'm pretty sure I can't name the exact ones I'm talking about but I'm sure you know), or simply going to a gay club in person. You could tell friends first, family first, a counsellor or psychologist, join a lgbt group, all that stuff and more. The more options you give people the harder it is for them to make a decision, especially when you're as indecisive as me!

 

I felt the exact same way only a few short months ago, but after much deliberation I finally came to the conclusion that I don't have to kiss a guy to know that I want to.

 

It sounds like you are on the right path then! Hopefully you can continue moving forward and start to reveal your feelings to those closest to you. It must feel great to know they will have your back! It will be a tremendous weight off your shoulders I am sure. Letting people in is scary but rewarding. The one time that actually mattered where i was able to come out was whilst overseas and I met two people, a lesbian and a gay bloke at a bar. That was one situation where I (obviously) knew that they'd be fine with it. I did so at the start of the night (whilst virtually sober and everything!). It went on to be one of the best nights of my life, just to have that freedom to be yourself, and not hide behind disconnection, and have others know you. It didn't lead to anything physical, but being in that mindset it certainly felt like a possibility rather than an outright improbability. I guess I am slowly trying to draw on that experience and apply it to my life now. Anyhow, all the best, and don't be shy to post any updates

 

This is exactly how I felt not too long ago! Tbh labels place such a big burden in our society, if you come out as gay to anyone you shouldn't feel restricted in any way, you are free to do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy. If the people you came out to respected you for your sexuality then in the future if you perhaps fall in love with a girl I'm sure they would respect you either way.
If you really feel the need to come out perhaps come out as bi maybe?

 

Think about who in the family would be easiest to come out to. Maybe that's your mum or dad, or a sibling, or a cousin. and then just have a chat with them. that will give you the start of a support network. you can write them a note if you're really scared, but it might be best to have that conversation because you really need the support. Right now, the hardest thing is that you're all alone. But it sounds like you're ready to take the next step.

 

24 hours ago I was in EXACTLY the same boat, - and I mean word for word. I wrote a post about it on here too. And it helped me finally decide that I was definitely gay.

I'm sorry I don't have an amazing solution, I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone. I'm still looking for my own answers, I hope you find yours too.

Good luck.

 

In my very humble opinion i think it would not be best to tell them whilst away, for the reason you suggested. I think it'd be better to tell them, answer any questions they may have and give them whatever time and space they need to digest the news, something that may not be afforded to them whilst away together. And yeah it might be a bit awkward for you if you weren't able have some space also. But do what you think is right!

 

Just see how it feels in the moment. If it feels right, go for it. If not, just enjoy the getaway time