I'm wondering if anyone here has ever come out to someone who they expected may take it badly, only to be pleasantly surprised that it goes quite well? I'm not ready to come out to family yet, and one of the main reasons is that I do not expect my father or my extended family to take it particularly well. I don't expect my father to cut me out, but I do anticipate denial or possibly a lot of anger. The extended family is more of a mystery, but I have several very religious relatives that I worry about, as well as cousins who have expressed homophobic attitudes. I guess I'm hoping to hear some stories of triumph where you came out to someone who you thought may be a bit homophobic or unaccepting, but surprised you by being ok with it.
yeah, I had one of those experiences. I came out to a Catholic priest, and was braced for the lecture on "the sin of homosexuality." Instead, he tossed his head back, said "Is that all," and then told me to stop pretending to be someone I'm not (i.e., stop pretending to be straight), and just be the person that God created me to be. He said that I would never reach my full potential until I come out. I was definitely not expecting that, I was pleasantly surprised, and it led to me feeling empowered to come out to more people. Still not fully out, but I was definitely pleasantly surprised by that experience.
So my grandfather is not exactly the paragon of tolerance. He still talks about ridiculous ideas, such as that Mexican people are genetically lazy or that African-Americans (he uses a much less polite word) are genetically less intelligent than Africans. (DISCLAIMER: THIS IS AWFUL AND NOT TRUE.) I was not expecting much out of him when I began dating someone with the same biological sex as me. But you know what? He's figured out that if he's nasty to me, then he doesn't get to talk to me, and I'm now the sole remaining grandchild. So he's been very polite and has even invited my girlfriend to join in family functions, like family brunch. There was also a not-so-subtle talk on how he's known many women who have dated women, and how they've always returned to men in the end, with the addendum that if I ever adopt, he'll disown the kid. But hey. He invited my girlfriend to family brunch. I will take that. I don't think I'll ever bring up the gender thing with him, though. Asking him to swallow the whole same-sex dating thing is enough.
might not hurt next time he starts with the racist remarks to tell him that you don't want to hear that. we can be gentle and loving, but we must still confront racism and bigotry.
Yes, I have been pleasantly surprised before. There's this one (straight) guy who I've been close friends with for about 10 years now. He's Catholic and holds conservative views on a lot of things. He's made some intolerant comments about LGBT people before so I always thought he was fairly homophobic. Despite all that, I decided to come out to him a few months ago and couldn't believe how well he took it. He wouldn't believe me at first, but once I convinced him that I am indeed gay he turned out to be very supportive. He assured me it wouldn't affect our friendship in any way and it really hasn't. We still hang out on a regular basis, just as we used to. He also asked if I came out to my parents and friends or if I had a boyfriend, which clearly shows he cares about me. I really couldn't ask for a better reaction. I'm glad I have him as a friend. OP, I hope coming out to your family goes well. As you can see, sometimes (seemingly) homophobic people turn out to be the most supportive ones. Good luck .
Thanks for your responses, guys. Wildside- That's absolutely great! Sam I Am- Sounds like a mixed bag, there. That may be what I end up getting from my father in the long run once things calm down, but I do hope it turns out a bit better with him. How did your grandfather handle things when you first came out to him? Average Joe- Thanks for sharing, that is a very encouraging story. I'm glad it went so well with your friend I do hope that I'll be pleasantly surprised when I come out to my family. I'm not really ready to handle a negative reaction from them yet, so for now I'm working on getting more comfortable with myself and coming out to friends who I know will be fine with it.
I am exactly in your shoes right now. I'm trying to work up the courage to come out to my parents soon. I have not yet come out to someone that I expected would take it badly, but I was surprised by my friend's overwhelmingly positive response. A month ago I came out to a friend who I wasn't especially close to, and I expected her reaction to be along the lines of "fine, whatever." Instead it was more like "This changes nothing, you're still you and you're awesome, and if you ever need anything I'm here for you." Needless to say we're very close now, and it is a wonderful thing to discover a friend that is so loving and accepting. I don't expect my dad to be very accepting, and I also have quite a few extended relatives who are conservative/homophobic. I really hope that they will surprise me. I find it very hard trying to prepare myself to come out to people like that.
I came out to my cousin about a month or so ago. He never expressed any bigotry in all the time I knew him, but I was still nervous as a good part of that side of my family is conservative and religious. I was expecting maybe some acknowledgement and a brief word of support; nothing beyond that. He really surprised me by being fully supportive and even asking me all kinds of questions about how I was handling it. He has several gay friends and has even offered to go to a gay bar with me as my wing man (I've never been to one and don't want to go alone!). I wish you the best of luck with coming out to your family. Sometimes religion doesn't stand in the way of a person's caring for you. My cousin is Catholic and fully supports gay rights.
Kinda late on this, but yeah. My dad is religious and I'm his only child, so I was really worried about coming out as pansexual. Thankfully he was okay with it and just said that he'll always be on my side and he's my biggest fan and other dumb dad stuff haha. Also when I came out on Facebook a few of my very close friends that I thought wouldn't be accepting were!
