I am trying to come out (hopefully within the month) and I need help. I have 2 main worries about coming out. First and foremost is my church. I go to church every Sunday and Wednesday and do all their youth activities. I wanted to come out last month, but this is the main reason why I didn't: the Missionary Church doesn't allow gay members. Every single person that goes to church there knows and loves me very much. I love all of them very much too, and my best friends go there. I don't want to ruin my friendships and stop doing something that I've done for my whole life just because of such a trivial thing as my sexuality. I don't really know how the people at my church view homosexuality because I can't easily bring up the subject. I can't even just not tell my church because half of the youth group goes to my school, and the other half will be coming to it within 2 years. My second worry is that my family will not approve. I really think that to my mom it might come as a shock, but I don't think it will make her treat me any different because she insists that my brother is gay even though I don't think he is. I'm more worried about her side of the family though because they are all catholic or Christian and they all have visions of me being straight and getting to marry a girl. I don't want to let them down and I'm most afraid of my grandpa because (I know this is selfish, but its true) he gives me the most expensive presents and he bought my brother a truck so I don't want to miss out on those things, and also because he will try to bring it up at every possible occasion to try and talk me out of it (or that's my fear at least). I might be completely mistaken about his view on gays because we were talking about Liborache and he said that he was gay, but then he said well that's not important so who cares... And he carried on with the conversation. I'm not worried at all about coming out at school because my school is really sympathetic and I'm really popular at school (or at least to me) so I don't think anyone will harass me or anything like that. Sorry this is so long, but I just want to be educated before I come out and reading articles can only help so much.
I really need help on this. Can someone please help? I want to come out, but I am very unsure what to do. My mom wants us to move to Florida from Ohio probably this summer and I want to be fully out by the time we move so I can just start at school and have all my new friends to know and just tell them that I'm gay. I also want to come out before I move so I can apologize for lying for so long to all my friends and family.
Regarding the church: if I was in your situation, I would probably come out right before or around the time of the move to Florida. This way, I would be out, but even if the church in general was not supportive, it wouldn't really matter because I would be moving anyways. However, I generally approach situations with a better-safe-than-sorry kind of attitude, and that usually results in fewer rewards (due to fewer risks). In the end, do whatever you feel would produce the best outcome for you. If coming out earlier has a benefit that you like, that's a perfectly valid option. As for your family, maybe tell them a member or two at a time, or talk about homosexuality and see their reaction, or something along those lines. If they are not supportive, you may delay telling the rest of the family until it is necessary (e.g. you're getting married or something). In the case of your grandfather, I guess you'll have to choose between romantic love and his support (assuming he is not supportive of you being gay). I think talking you out of homosexuality won't really be a problem, because it isn't a choice; you'll always like males. As for the gifts, you could use the idea above and come out to him as late as possible, in order to get the maximum amount of stuff. So basically what I'm saying is that I would not come out until necessary, or coming out no longer had a significant impact on my life. But my way of thinking may not be similar to yours, so if you have a course of action in mind, it may be a better idea to follow through with that. Good luck. (I do not have any experience coming out, as my family is getting increasingly Catholic-y and I think it would be a bad idea for me to just come out. Just wanted to apologize for my lack of first-hand experience. Hopefully my ideas are of some use to you. )
Hi there! I was also part of a Missionary Church for many years here in the Michigan district. Went to 3DYC(youth conference for those non MC'ers) and the whole 9 back in the day. Unfortunately, the backlash for me coming out was difficult to some of the church members where I attended from 1999 to 2013. To top it off, my dad was head of the church board and hired the current pastor. I still want to say "our pastor" because I attended there for so long. For some people, you might find that they may surprise you because they love you so much. Despite the denomination's tough stance about holiness and the like, there are still some very warm people there. Your view about your mom's side is very warranted. My mom's family is the same way in that most are Catholic hard-liners. Ask yourself: who are your allies? Who has spoken positively about LGBT folks? Has your brother, an aunt, or cousin on dad's side spoken about being inclusive? How has your youth pastor reacted to LGBT kids? What kind of sermons has he spoken? If your church goes to 3DYC, how have your fellow teens in the church reacted? I agree with Buttermilk; come out to a few people at a time. I just would recommend waiting until after you've moved. If your mom decides not to do so, then you can re-group and come out gradually in Ohio. Even though, I no longer attend the Missionary Church, I am still a Christian. The sad thing to me is that the denomination spends so much time on foreign missions and local ones to those of different ethnicities, yet they could reach out to people who are LGBT and retain people like you and I. Blessings to you.
The church is probably the one group that you can expect to react negatively. Maybe not all the individual members, but certainly the pastor and staff. It seems like you really lucked out with the upcoming move to Florida. So why even bother to tell the church? I can understand telling the family, and maybe even some friends, but you're getting out of Dodge. You'll have a whole new life when you get there. I admire the courage of anyone who comes out wherever, but sometimes we have to ask ourselves if we're just bringing unnecessary suffering on ourselves. Whatever you decide, good luck!
I appreciate your advice, but the whole moving to Florida thing isn't set in stone. My mom changes her mind so much that by the time we start to look for houses she will be wanting to move elsewhere. We did this when we were going to move to Georgia, she changed her mind after looking at houses around there. As for coming out I feel like I'm just expecting the worst out of everyone so I can't even get to trying to tell someone. If my church ends up disowning me then I loose 10 really good friends. I also don't want my family to get split up on the issue. My mom would be more supportive than my grandpa and the same goes for my whole family, the old believe it is wrong and the younger feel sort of neutral towards the subject. I have tried several times to tell my friend that I'm gay but I couldn't do it. We were even alone both times. I feel like it is more of a fear of what will happen than what will actually happen. I will try what you guys advised and hopefully everything will go well. As for 3DYC, did you go in 2013 because that's the first year I went. I wanted to come out during 3DYC, but I got really scared and did it. I want to thank you all for your advice and I hope that I can come out soon. :icon_bigg
Well, I am 31, so I last went to 3DYC in 2001. We got killed in basketball. It was an affirming experience in a way though because this one hot guy backed me down near the basket, and I could feel his butt on my crotch. LOL. But we we went to the semi-finals for volleyball. I wanted to do the talent stuff, but I chickened out. We didn't have a Bible Quiz team. There was a comedian, Mike Williams, who put on a great show. I purchased all 5 of his CD's. I recommitted my life to Christ there. We went to the Spaghetti Warehouse before our trip home. Good memories. And yes, best of luck to you. Just be listening to who affirms gay rights. There HAS to be one person in your circle that is affirming. Come out to those who are affirming, then ask them to have your back when you come out to everyone else.
I made a really bad typo in my last post. I meant to say I didn't tell anyone I was gay at 3DYC. As for stories about 3DYC, I found this really cute guy there and when we had open gym/do what you want time I spent almost the whole 4 hours with him and wanted to get his last name to look him up on Facebook or Twitter, but I didn't know how to bring it up so I never did. I really wish I had. I can't even remember his first name now and it has only been 2 months. :/ We actually shared a lot of interests and so it was a shame that we couldn't communicate outside of 3DYC. And 3DYC does dodgeball instead of basketball now so what happened to you couldn't happen to me... I will try to find someone who will be okay with me being gay in my family (probably my brother because I think he might be gay too) and see if they can help me when coming out.
UPDATE on my current situation. It has been a really long time since I last posted, but I felt like I should update my current situation. I have come out to four friends now and they have all been supportive. Actually one of them was just last week that I came out. And the whole Florida move is off the things to do now. My mom fell in love with one of her old friends from school and since then she hasn't talked about moving to Florida again. Unfortunately that means having to deal with my situation at church again. I have made the decision that I am going to eventually leave the church, I just don't know when. The whole reason that I haven't come out at school is the fact that there are people at my church that go to my school. I would be found out before I even told them. And my family I'm still not sure about. I did find out that my grandma doesn't like transgenders so I would think that she would feel the same towards the rest of the community, but unfortunately haven't been able to bring it up in discussion with her. I feel like my mom's boyfriend would be a bit more open to me being gay than my mom, but I am still not 100% sure about it and it's hard for me to commit to something unless I'm 100% sure about it so not sure what to do. Thanks again for all the advice 250 days later .
