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Who Did You Tell First?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by andrewuk, Feb 26, 2015.

  1. andrewuk

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    In my last post I was questioning whether I was gay or not, and having looked through the awesome replies I got, I've decided that I am, - that post was only about a week ago, but nevertheless it's not a decision I've taken lightly, even though it probably looks that way, a lot of thought has gone on behind the scenes. But anyway, I'll get to my new point...


    I feel like the next logical step is to tell someone. But I don't know who.

    I don't want to tell my Mum and/or Dad yet, because I have absolutely no idea how they'll react, - I'm sure they'll still love me, and I would never even for a second be concerned for my safety, but it's a big deal, and I'm not ready to spring such a big thing on the most important people in my life, not just yet.

    I could tell my older brother (12 years older), but our relationship is too hot and cold, and also, I don't think he really likes gay people, - he's quite the stereotype.

    I don't really fancy telling either of my older sister's, because the younger of the two (10 years older than me), me and her are the closest out of all our siblings, but she'll either take it really well, or really badly. I'm not sure I want to take the risk of ruining that amazing relationship we have.

    My very oldest sister (16 years older than me), I think she would take it well, but it's complicated, - she's only my step-sister, I've always considered her my sister (i.e. minus the 'step'), and we always identify as brother and sister (i.e. again, minus the 'step'), but I still think it could go either way. I don't feel comfortable telling her, I guess that's all I need to say.


    So that's all of my family, as I'm not very close to my extended family (aunts, uncles etc.).

    The only person in the world I can think of is my best friend, but she's my brother's best friend's girlfriend, I think she'd keep the secret though, she'd probably tell her boyfriend, but I think they'd keep the secret between them, and I don't think they'd tell my brother. But still, it's a huge scary thing, and wouldn't even know how to introduce it in conversation!


    What are your thoughts? Who was the first person you told?


    (Sorry if parts of this are confusing, I didn't get chance to proofread it as my brother came into the room).

    But thank you so much for reading! I love this forum!
     
  2. doglover44

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  3. lyjo

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    I first told told my best friend when we 11 or 12, I don't really remember. Anyway, she said she knew, and that she also thought she might be. We're not friends anymore, but I'm glad to have had her as a childhood best friend. When I was 12, I told another very close friends. And now I'm 15 (almost) and out to everyone.
     
  4. Wildside

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    the first person I told was my sponsor while doing a 4th step in a 12-step program.
     
  5. Flatulentius

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    The first person I told was a friend who had come out to me a week before. So unless the fates smile upon you and leave you in a similar situation, my answer is likely not helpful. I'm sorry.
     
  6. DougTheBicycle

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    Out to everyone
    First person I told was a close friend, who is very queer.

    Next came the person who first made me question my sexuality. And we had a lovely discussion about it.
     
  7. LakanLunti

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    I came out fist to one of my friend in Skype. But we never really meet in person. So I dont think that counts. But I recently came out to my girl best friend. I had to do it because at that time I was having suicidal thoughts. Coming out to her helped me get over my suicidal thoughts because now I have someone to talk about my sexuality and about my homophobic family.
     
  8. YunoGasai

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    the first person i came out to was my best *girl* friend, then a week later another close friend , another week later a girl who i know is bi, next ill come out to either my parents or some of my guy friends even though i have a crush on one of them XD
     
  9. Lyana

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    The first person I told was not my closest friend, but a friend who wasn't straight. It was remarkably easy because I had no fear whatsoever of her reacting badly.
    If you don't have anyone LGBT among your friends, you really do want to tell someone who you know will react positively.
     
  10. shota

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    I told my mom she did cry it was so funny cause I did the same
     
  11. first person I told was my best girl friend, I knew she'd most likely be supportive since one of our friends was already out as bi, and she was OK with it. Actually after I told her I was gay, she told me she was bi, and was basically going through the same process I was. I would think if she's you're best friend, wouldn't she keep it secret if you asked her too? The first person I told was not only my best girl friend, but also the older sister of my younger sisters best friend. Plus our families are just really close, and I just asked her not to tell any of them cause I wasn't ready yet.
     
  12. itsmary

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    I came out to three of my best friends (at that moment) when I was 15. We were all drunk so it wasn't very difficult, they also knew that I had liked girls before so all I said was: "hey guys I'm bisexual". When I realized I was lesbian (still wondering though) I told my sister and then my mum.
     
  13. guitar

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    The first person I told was one of my closest friends who's gay. After that I began telling people I was almost certain would support me. That's what I would do: try to gauge who will support you the most and tell them first. If you know anyone who is lgbt, you might want to go with them. Getting a few "That's okay, I still love you" under your belt will be a big confidence boost when it comes to telling others.
     
  14. TreeClimber

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    My shrink

    Correction- myself!
     
  15. HelloSweetie

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    I told my best friend, it was easy to decide who to tell, because I tell her everything and I knew that she's very accepting.
     
  16. NewKid87

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    I told my little sister, with whom I'm very close. When I came out to her she got really excited, gave me a hug, and told me she loved me. It was important for me to come out first to someone that I knew would be very supportive.
     
  17. MrSkittles

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    I told my friends first. They all had good reactions.
     
  18. Notlad

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    Siblings and a couple of friends. Haven't regretted it quite yet.