I drift from heterosexual to homosexual to bisexual to asexual, and these last couple of months I have been thinking about my homosexual attractions which are restricted to a minute portion of the male population and that I should act on some of these attractions. Thing is I am not out at all because once I am sure that I am attracted to some men I flip out of it and then I am sure I am attracted to women and then I go both seem pretty nice, then I think it is just unproductive and find it tedious. I don't want to come out and then to have to realize I am not gay, but if I don't come out I can't find someone to pursue these attractions. BTW This whole process has lead to a hell of a lot of confusion in my life... I have had sex twice in my life both with women and I didn't finish... I was also really drunk so that may or may not be a factor. What should I do? I know a few gay/bisexual people but the thing is they are a tight knit group of people and I am attracted to one of them who is very busy and I never really get to talk to. I'm pretty dam nervous about that person knowing given the stares and awkward conversations we've had. What if he is not attracted to me there is only one other person who I know is gay that I am attracted to :bang: Nor do I want to follow these attraction and find out they are not there and maybe the person who has been with me thinks it's there fault. I need answers! Any Advice
Your confusion is understandable. You are bisexual with some unexplored concepts rolling around in your head. The thing is, if you are fluid, the experiences themselves change you as you go through them, or even as you consider them. I'm bisexual and fluid too but considerably less so than you are. It was terribly confusing for me at the time I was trying to sort it out. I had no problem coming out but I couldn't identify myself well enough to come out. Hopefully you will settle down with someone and all this will become a non issue. As for experimenting, don't do it with guys you know unless you are willing to have everyone know. Nothing spreads through the gay community faster than word that a "straight" guy is having gay sex in their midst. Don't hook up online either, too many STDs that way. Try going to a gay bar out of town. Find a bar that might have guys you like. Go early, as soon as they open. Pull the bar tender asside and give him $10 if he agrees to help you. Tell him your situation. Stay at the bar and continue feed him a few buks now and then. You will be amazed at how helpful having a bartender on your side is when it comes to breaking the ice. Unlike with straight girls, accepting a drink from a guy means you are interested so if you are not interested then turn down the drink. He will ask you what you like or what you are into, etc. He's basicall asking if you want to top or bottom. Most guys looking to hook up are bottoms. If you say top he'll want to know how big you are. It's best here to be honest. Another even safer option is to use strippers. They will stay with you as long as the money is flowing. Most are experts at turning guys like you on so this migh be your best option, at least at first.
