Hey folks :icon_wink I'm hoping someone can help me... I'm in college, and met a guy that I like very much. We've become friends --- to the point where we've become relatively open and comfortable with each other. Here's the issue. We're both very shy and reserved. I'm a total closet case. I have no idea if he's straight, gay, bi, etc. I've been searching for these signals for the past few months, but seem to be having a hard time. I know I'll have to come out to this guy very soon if I want anything to come from this. My only fear is that I'll freak him out and I'll never see him again. Basically, how can I bring this whole thing up? We don't actively talk about things like gay marriage, etc, so I can't use that as a point of entry. If I can find a conversation that I can incorporate my feelings into, then I'm thinking that it'll seem less weird and he'll at least accept me. Even if it turns out that he's not gay, that's fine I guess --- I'll move on. My fear is coming out at the wrong time and scaring him off. In addition, his birthday is in just a couple days... I don't know if I should get him something or not... Does anyone have a suggestion? I'm totally lost at this point... Thanks! (*hug*)
I think if you read other posts here about coming out, you'll find that (most of the time) people don't react as negatively as we expected them to. To you and I, our orientation is obviously a big deal and an important issue we've had to struggle a bit with for some time. But for others, it's not that big a deal at all. How to bring it up though? Simply start out by saying that you have something important you'd like to discuss. Then you've set the stage for some kind of 'announcement' - so they'll be expecting something more than "I like the colour blue." Generally I think people would also suggest that you leave it at "I'm gay" and don't include the part about wanting "something to come of this". Just see what his reaction is to the gay part. Perhaps he'll also come out to you, but odds are he won't (because odds are - he's straight). But on the chance he does come out to you as gay or bi, I'd still leave it at that for the time being. See how things go. Good luck! Oh - and on the birthday... I wouldn't bother getting him something. Offer to take him for a beer though or something. That would be my approach. Once you start buying gifts for each other - there's no end to it!
haha thanks We're both too young to drink, but I get your point. I'll let this one slip by and see what happens. Right now I guess I'm looking for "the window of opportunity" to spill the beans. Thanks for your input (*hug*)
if he is a close friend then yeah go ahead and get him something, maybe nothing to personal that he may think is weird but like a gift card to one of his favorite stores in the mall. and if you really want to have a topic that you can incorporate something of the gay nature into, then talk about the recent presidential election and see what he thinks about what obama is about and if he thinks obamas ideas are good ideas.... the best way to break the ice is to start with something that is big in the news and just get a good flow of discussion going to see where he stands on the gay issues. and from there you may get a better idea of how he would accept you as being who you are.
Yea.. I think that if you bring him somewhere that you are both comfortable.. a bar or something.. you can bring it up there. Tell him that you have something important to tell him, and then just tell him.. and see where it goes from there.
They say "Nothing ventured, nothing gained". It'll be up to you whether or not you want to venture something. If you're truly open and comfortable with each other, take the first step. Come out to him. That's it. Don't tell him you're looking to date him. Just tell him you're gay. Let him know you're telling him because you DO feel like you can be totally honest with him. If he's gay, as well, that'll be his signal to come out to you. If he doesn't, well, there's your answer. Lex
Thanks guys I think I'm going to let the birthday go this time... It's only been a couple months, and we aren't THAT close. I'll have to get him on neutral ground and just let it out. I'll incorporate as much of what you all have told me as well. All I need now is to work up the guys to say it
