Hello, let me explain my situation a little. This might take a while. I'm a gypsy. So basically that means I cannot get a job, go to college, or make friends. I have a high school diploma but, it isn't real (I think). I'm kept on a tight leash and don't have time alone at all. My nephew goes with me everywhere. My father is extremely homophobic and is the type that will disown children. I don't have my own car. My culture has arranged marriages. And the girl is the one who provides income through psychic readings. Should I come out to my nephew in hopes that he will keep it a secret? If I can get him to be an ally....I could go with him helping me do stuff. Go back to school, get a job, and disown myself. The only other option is to wait till my brother and my nephew move. And it seems like he never will. Do you think I should chance it and come out to him while we are alone? He is homophobic in the sense that he says faggot occasionally. And he believes gay people go to hell I think. If you have any questions. Please ask, and I can explain further.
Wait your nephew is the one that says faggot alot? If that's true then you should probably not tell him.
He doesn't say it as much as everyone else. The last time he said it was probably a month ago. everyone else says it a lot more Thxs for the reply btw
Hi Gypsycloset. It sounds like you are in a really tricky situation and it's hard to imagine a good outcome for you, if you decide to come out right now. Telling your nephew is certainly not without risk, so I would only encourage you to do that if you are certain that he will be an ally. I'm afraid you might have to play a waiting game, or you may even have to contemplate leaving the gypsy community altogether to establish yourself in wider society, and only then come out to your family. I'm sure that idea feels very scary and uncertain as you will be running away from everything, and in many respects you will be the one disowning your past, but I'm struggling to see how you could come out in your current environment. Before you contemplate anything like that it would be a good idea to do some online research to find out what services and organisations exist for LGBT people in your state. You need to have some idea of where to go for help and support as a starting point.
So much depends on what you want. If you're of legal age, you certainly have the right to live in whatever way you want, legally, which means that if you wanted to, you could break free when you're out somewhere and go to the police and report that you're being held against your will. But I also get that, culturally, the gypsy clans are extremely close-knit and it's difficult, especially since it's all you've known. So basically, I'd suggest that you need to think, very carefully, about what you hope to accomplish. From the little bit I know about the culture, I doubt you'd be accepted within your clan if they knew you were gay, so I don't think it would be good to come out to anyone in your clan. And even if you did, I seriously doubt that they'd be OK with you ever having a same-sex relationship. What this leaves (assuming I'm correct, which is a very large and perhaps very wrong assumption) is two options: 1. Stay in the closet and stay with your clan. This route, you'll probably always be in the closet, or if you're out, you'll probably be ostracized. 2. Break away completely, and start a new life by yourself. This could be very difficult, in part because you've grown up in a culture that has pretty different values from mainstream society in the US, but it is doable, provided you're willing to learn and understand the differences. The advantage here is you'll eventually cultivate an entirely new set of friends and have the opportunity to create the family you *want*, who will love and respect you as you are. T
Thanks for the replies guys! So, I've come to the conclusion that I can't come out to anyone yet. I will have to stay in the closet till I have the resources to build my own life from the bottom up. I know I can't stay in the gypsy life. I'm going to leave ASAP. I'm planning on calling the LGBT center in my state tomorrow. I'll see what they say. The only issue is that being in the closet is getting to my mental state. I'm depressed and anxious all the time. Half the day I feel like throwing up. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm cornered.
Hi there! (*hug*) Calling the LGBT centre in your state is a good first step. It will connect you to someone who might be able to help you not to feel so cornered anymore. From the sounds of it, you seem to be determined to break away from your clan and to start over. When you have a chance, try to think about the things you would need to put in place that would allow you to start over and start living your life.
You have not said how old you are, but if you are of legal age, as most high school graduate age people are, you need to extract yourself from your "clan" and probably from North Carolina as well, as soon as you can. Come out after you get out, and can support yourself in a college environment with loans and work study if that is possible; if not, you will have to work to build a financial base for yourself. You have not said whether you have any current assets or work skills, but most young men can get by with an entry level job in the service industries by sharing housing with other guys in similar circumstances, or you can join a branch of the military as a stepping stone to college later. The military can assist you in keeping your former clan members away from you if that is a concern, and teach you a marketable skill if you have the average ability to learn. They also don't care if you are gay, so you can come out to whom and when you want to, without risk of losing your "employment" situation or housing, and live closely with a bunch of young guys your own age, which should be a way to make a circle of friends to replace your "clan".
Thanks for the replies everyone! I'm 18 btw and I don't have any special skills... So I called the LGBT center is Raleigh. They told me to call a place for LGBT youth struggling with housing and stuff like that. And it seems that if I do have to go somewhere. That would be the best place if I ever get disowned. (I also came out to one person over the phone. Was a great experience.) Im going to try to make a escape plan. Hopefully it works!
