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So I Kind of Came Out by Accident

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by andrewuk, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. andrewuk

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    The title of this thread says it all, but it might be a little over dramatised so I'll explain...

    I work behind the bar in a restaurant, and last night there was a really drunk man sitting at the bar, and we were chatting absolutely drivel just because he was too drunk to string a logical conversation together, but then he stopped me in my tracks, because he said, "I assume you're gay?"

    I kind of froze and did what felt like the longest pause ever, - I only came out to myself a few days ago! I'm not ready for that question! But after a few seconds (which felt like a few hours), I said, "Yeah.". And then he continued that he didn't have anything against gay people, and he had gay friends, he also said, "I could tell you were gay, but you've got to ask haven't you."

    I just feel really cringy on the one hand, and on the other hand, well, I don't know what to think.

    Is this whole ordeal, a good thing, a bad thing? Or doesn't it matter? I feel really confused because I've been pushed out of the closet, - albeit with one drunk, 47 year old man. I guess if I look at it like that it's not really a game changer but still, can you see my predicament? :help:
     
  2. KingJude

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    If you don't know the guy, then it can only be a good thing! The fact that you were able to come out to a complete stranger means it shouldn't be too difficult for you to come out to your friends and family.
     
  3. FrenchKid98

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    I don't think it is a bad thing, it can even be considered good because the fact that you didn't deny it shows that you're pretty comfortable with yourself.

    On the other hand, as we say "a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts", you now know that, at least some people, are able to guess you're gay without you saying anything about it.
    Now is that good or bad? Well I'd say it depends on a lot, but I don't think most people would do anything about it (positive or negative) unless they asked you and you said yes.

    I don't know if anything I said makes any sense to you, or will help you, but basically I don't think it's a bad or good thing really, apart from showing you're okay with yourself.
    I understand being pushed out of the closet feels weird and awkward, but it'll go away very soon, plus at least it wasn't to someone you know personally.
     
  4. shota

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    I guess I agree with every one else on this one people have look at me and thought of me as a gay male but when I tell them I'm a transgender male they look shocked
     
  5. Notlad

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    Spontaneously coming out is a good thing. It means you're beginning to accept it. I'm starting to do it more and more. It feels so good to just throw it out there.
     
  6. I agree with the others that its good, and means you're beginning to accept it. First step is a most important one. Each time you tell someone it gets a little easier. Eventually it'll just be a matter of fact thing in conversation.
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    I also agree. Whilst it may have caught you off guard, you did in fact admit that that you are gay, albeit to a stranger who was slightly worse for drink. In that moment it would have been so easy for you to deny it and set yourself back, but you didn't deny it, so give yourself some credit for that Andrew.

    Can you maybe explain why you feel/felt cringy about it? When you begin to understand why these awkward feelings arise you can work on it and take more positive steps forward, so coming out is less of an ordeal in future.