Hello, readers I don't know. Hoping for some advice/guidance on what to do in my situation. I told my mother I was gay 2.5 years ago while still in college; she reacted badly and threatened to cut me off, called me all kinds of names, and bargained with me - "you could still find a man you like." At the time, because I was not living at home and my father (who is completely accepting/tolerant) wanted me to walk her back from the cliff of rage, I accepted that she could be right. I agreed to attend a therapy session (on my own, not with her), which was fine. Fast forward 2 years+ and I am living at home with my parents as I am working FT and saving $ for graduate school in the fall. I have not spoken with her at all about my personal life since the terrible experience in college, but was tired of lying when I went on dates. I told her this week that I was thinking about seeing someone this weekend, a girl. Her reaction was even worse than the first time - apparently in her mind the 'gay thing' had been a 'phase' and she has been in complete denial about it. I will not repeat what she accused me of/called me, but in sum she said extremely hurtful and insulting things before telling my father she wants me out of the house. Since cooling down a bit, she has decided she does not want me to move out, but that I should stay and obey the rules of 'no dating, and no discussing 'my situation' with her or any local friends.' I have 6 months before I leave for grad school. I want to get the hell out because to be around someone who has expressed such hatred towards you is difficult and emotionally taxing - and, at 23, I have no interest in others telling me how to live my life. But I want to stay because I enjoy living with the rest of my family, saving $ for school, and do not want to make my father's life even worse if I'm gone. I realize that this may sound like a no-brainer to some of you, but right now I am having a hard time making a decision - other than to give myself another week before making a final one. Input is appreciated
First, don't be sad (*hug*) You could have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/167212-tell-father.html#2 Well its up to you what you say and if since you know them best... if you say something imo it would be best to avoid heated arguments, instead just stating your needs and emotions, and remaining calm and reasonable... but there might be an underlying reason for such strong feelings. Its possible she would tell your dad. Its also possible she would not like to talk about the real reason. There might be religious reasons... a bad experience during her upbringing... or simply fixed expectations, but they could all be fulfilled as a lesbian couple, like having kids... concerning religious reasons, more and more people come around... it should be about love between two people, thats all it needs... (*hug*)
I sorry to hear about you situation. If I were in your shoes, I'd move out. Could you go and live with a friend, to save some money? Anything that doesn't get you down about the whole situation with your mom.
