Hey, i’ve been a long time stalker of EC but never posted until now… I’m 20 living away from home in my second year of uni and stuck/lost about coming out :dry: I’ve always known I was gay but suppressed it and pretty much didn’t think about it at all until a couple of years ago. Then starting uni 2 years ago made me realise I had to confront it as pretty much everyone around me seemed to be getting with people (all of the opposite sex) and starting relationships. Still though throughout my first year I tried my best every day to hide it from people, even though I did ‘come to terms’ with being gay myself. Then summer came and going home to my friends and family I pushed it away once again. However, since September it’s been at the forefront of my mind and I’ve come to full accept it to the point where coming out is something I think about every single day… Going home at christmas ‘Im gay’ was on the tip of my tongue the whole time though I couldn’t pluck up the courage to say it! The main reason I think I’m scared of saying it is because I don’t want the relationships with people in my life to change, i don’t want them to treat me differently. I know my friends would be completely fine with it and I’m pretty sure many of them suspect it so it wouldn’t be surprising. My parents also I’m sure would still support me, it's just they're a bit 'old fashioned' so I’m not quite sure how they'd take it. They're not homophobic or anything but they make jokes and laugh about things like ‘Does Sam Smith have a girlfriend etc… knowing full well that he’s gay. They also pull faces whenever same sex couple kiss on TV. But then on the other hand when ever they ask (and they ask a lot) if I have a girlfriend or when am I bringing a girl home they quickly jokingly add 'or a boyfriend’. I don't know if they kinda know and are trying to squeeze it out of me or are just joking and have no idea. I’m completely clueless as to how they’ll react! I would tell my friends now it’s just a lot of them are at the same uni as me and i’d hate for it to work its way back to my parents as I want them to hear it from me first, in person. I’m going back home at Easter in a a couple of weeks so could tell them then, I just don’t know if i’ll have built up enough courage to do it by then. Then my next chance will be over summer although I have a big family wedding to go to and I wouldn’t want anything to be awkward at that. The ideal time to tell them would be in September so I could run off back to uni and let it sink in but I really don’t want to wait that long, especially as its on my mind every day :icon_sad: Any advice would be much appreciated :icon_bigg
Hey w94, welcome to EC! First of all, congratulations. Coming out to yourself is already a huge step! Your friends/parents seem ok with it, even if they might find the idea a bit awkward (that bit of "old fashion" you mentioned). For your parents, if you decide to come out face-to-face, you may talk to one of them first, the one you are closer, for example. You may sit down with them and say "i have something important to say" and then tell them, you may just mention it in a casual conversation about the subject (Oh, that actor is gay, do you know? Just like me!), you may write it down and ask them to read the letter in front of you (or not in front of you)... For your friends, you may drop hints to see how they would react, or you may just choose the one you think that will be more accepting and tell them, the same ways i mentioned above. Good luck! Keep us updated
Well done on coming out to yourself. Chiroptera is absolutely correct in saying that it's a huge step to come out to yourself, so give yourself a lot of credit for arriving at that point. In coming out to yourself you have already crossed the biggest hurdle. When your parents ask this again (as they likely will) take a deep breath and use it as the best chance you will have to come out to them. In effect, they are offering you the opportunity to say that you are gay by adding the comment about a boyfriend. Maybe it's a joke or maybe they are couching their remarks in such a way to try to reduce any tension around the issue. It's entirely possible that they have already discussed it between themselves and just want to hear it from you now. Maybe you could clarify how they would feel about you having a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend, before coming out to them? Chiroptera mentioned some of the other options in his reply, but I personally would seize the moment when they next ask about your love life. Good luck. Please let us know how you get on.
Thanks for you replies! I hadn't thought about using them asking if I'm in a relationship as an opportunity to come out! I usually just respond with an awkward laugh and joke it off or sometimes don't respond at all in the hope they get the hint! Any other ways I could drop hints?
