1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it possible for my parents not to know? TIME SENSITIVE!!! HELP!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bella B, Mar 2, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Bella B

    Bella B
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2014
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I really want to come out, and even skipped school today, because I couldn't stand not being out. I came out to my parents around Christmas, and they have gotten more accepting, but they don't want me to come out. How could I come out to my school without my parents knowing they know?!?
    my mom is sick right now, and she does not handle stress very well, it is possible that she could get even sicker if she found out.

    Could I say I came out by accident? Would that be a better solution to the problem? How does one even come out by accident?

    I'm so torn.. I can't handle another day being in the closet, let alone 4 years until college, but I don't want to ruin my relationship with my parents or hurt them. HELP ME!!!!!!!!! I might do it this week!
    (*hug*):bang::bang::bang:
     
    #1 Bella B, Mar 2, 2015
  2. Really

    Really
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Do you have a counsellor either in school or out who could help walk you through this?
    When you say you want to come out at school, is that a select group of friends or more generally? Is your school life likely to suffer? I know what it feels like to be bursting like this but it couldn't hurt to take a breath and maybe plan it out a bit so you're prepared as best you can for any untoward reactions you might get.
    Can you tell your parents you'd really like to tell friend A and maybe friend B? Sort of ease them into it. You will probably want them on your side as you move forward with this.
     
    #2 Really, Mar 2, 2015
  3. Bella B

    Bella B
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2014
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My school is very accepting, so there wouldn't be any negative responses, for the most part, and I wouldn't want to make a big deal of it, just like "hey, remember u asked me about that guy? Well I dont like him, or any other guy for that matter haha I'm gay!"
     
    #3 Bella B, Mar 2, 2015
  4. Really

    Really
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Oh that's good. Do you know what your parents' particular objection is? Could you find out? It's one thing to be scared for you, it's another to be ashamed.
     
    #4 Really, Mar 2, 2015
  5. Bella B

    Bella B
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2014
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My mom is very homophobic, although she used to always say she didn't care. Now she takes up every opportunity to slam against the gay community, and even if she doesn't say anything, her glares make up for it. She also says that since I've never been with a guy or girl, I can't be sure what to "choose." She also says that my dad will think I have daddy issues because of my step dad, which is completely ridiculous. My step dad doesn't really care, he thinks its unnatural, but has some trans friends from work, and basically has the "as long as they dont try to change MY views in fine" attitude. My dad is very open minded and accepting, and I'm sure would be fine with me, although I haven't come out to him yet. So basically my mom is the one against me coming out. She says that everyone would think I'm a loser, etc. I think she's trying to make it seem like she's worried for me, but actually hiding her own homophobia behind that.
     
    #5 Bella B, Mar 2, 2015
  6. Really

    Really
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Oh dear. Ok. Maybe someone else has some experience with this. I'd have to think about for a bit. Do you have access to a counsellor? Might be something to think about.
     
    #6 Really, Mar 2, 2015
  7. Oh hai

    Oh hai
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2014
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland, United States of America
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    My, my, my. I think you should try the "accidental" coming out. Do it gradually so it does seem accidental. Tell close friends first, then other friends, then let the news spread. I am so sorry about your mom btw. If you ever need to talk to someone, I am here for you.
     
    #7 Oh hai, Mar 2, 2015
  8. Bella B

    Bella B
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2014
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think I'm going to come out this week, and say that it was an accident. My dad doesn't have to know, because he lives in NYC, and we very rarely talk. Its sad, but I think that's the only way to go about this situation.
    Any other advice is welcome though! Still thinking on this...
     
    #8 Bella B, Mar 2, 2015
  9. Quen

    Quen
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2015
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Searching for saferwaters
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    That slunds rough. Maybe you could try talking to her about this stuff from an angle like "mom, I know how you feel about gay people, but when you say all these things about them, it hurts my feelings because I'm gay too." Try to make it more about your relationship with her than about you being gay.

    Also, have you shown/given your mom any info for parents of LGBT+ kids? I think some PFLAG chapters even have a hotline for parents to call. That might help her come around to your side.

    (EDIT: Ignore this part if you're not close to your dad.) One more thing, do you think your dad could talk to your mom about this stuff for/with you? After you come out to him, that is. Having an adult totally on your side could be very helpful.

    Oh, and she didn't have to have sex to know she was straight any more than you need to have sex to know you're not.

    And try to remember, if your mother stresses herself out to the point of getting sick over this, it is not your fault. You are not responsible for her actions or feelings. It would be her own inability to cope with change causing the problem. None of that is on you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
     
    #9 Quen, Mar 2, 2015
  10. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2014
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out to everyone in middle school and my parents never found out~. They didn't want me telling anyone else either.
     
    #10 YuriBunny, Mar 2, 2015
  11. AmiableSeahorse

    AmiableSeahorse Guest

    I think talking to an open-minded counsellor would help, if you can find one who's open-minded. If you have any friends that you know won't tell any of your secrets, come out to them, and then never to tell anyone that you're gay. You can always wall message me if you need to talk about anything. :slight_smile: I like to listen to people and help them and inspire them. I'm so sorry your mom is homophobic. I wish you peace of mind.
     
    #11 AmiableSeahorse, Mar 3, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)