Right, quick introduction. I'm called Tom, I've just turned 14, and I'm gay. I've known from about the age of 11, and I accepted it by the age of 12. I'm in the closet, only people on other forums who I don't know physically, know that I'm gay. No one else. I've always told myself that I'd just come out when I come out. Not to plan a date, or force myself. My family will except it, especially my mum, she is very liberal. But I always put it off, thinking "there's no rush" or "Whats the point". Well, now, I've been having the urge to tell a close friend. This may appear quite odd, because; he is a boy, my age, as straight as can be, he uses the words gay and f****t, but very casually, and he isn't a defiant homophobe. What I mean is, he'd never bully someone, and he is always very friendly. He uses those words, but so does lots of other 14 year olds. I suddenly want to tell him, but I'm being put off by myself. I'm a big wimp, I'm so scared, and I bet anyone who reads this will be mad at me because I guess I've got it easy compared to some people. The only severe homophobic bullying that goes on is the locals my area, but I go to school some where else, and the majority of my friends are quite liberal and accepting. but for some reason, I want to tell this particular friend who I mentioned really badly, I just get this urge. I don't know if it is because I fancy him, or what ever it is, but i just feel the urge. But I know i don't really want to come out to anyone else yet, and I'm scared that he might accidentally show signs that I'm gay when we're in public. Eg., someone might say the word gay, and he might glance at me. That might be enough for everyone to realize Also, I'm not quite sure what I'd gain from it. I guess I'd feel a bit of relief, and I'm scared for my mental health, cos i think I've had mild depression, but I don't want to see anyone about it, that would mean coming out to my parents. Should I tell him, or am I being crazy?
If you think he'll be good with it, and you want to tell him, I say go for it. You being out to him might help him to rethink some of his word choices, as well. At the very least, I would not at all say you're being crazy. Good luck!
Thanks. I know he'd take it well, he's a kind hearted guy, but I'm scared that he might tell someone else, or that other people will pick up on it...
Tell him if you feel comfortable with it. Make sure he knows not to tell anyone else before you tell him.
Hi there! Do you trust him that he can keep it just between the two of you for now? If so, and you want to tell him, find a good time, say after school or on a weekend and let him know about your feelings. When you do come out to him let him know that you are not ready for anyone else to know at his point and that You are telling this to him because you trust him and you need to tell this to someone. Alternatively, if you are not entirely sure, hold off a bit. Sometimes it is better to wait than to rush into it. From your post it sounds like that he would be accepting. Your first coming out is always the hardest one, because you are trying to let go of something. It is only natural for parts of you to feel uncomfortable and to fight against it. If you think that you are suffering from mild depression, please see someone. You could maybe try seeing someone at school, such as a counselor. Counselors are bound by confidentiality. Maybe there is a link between feeling depressed and the fact that you are going through life changing events. I think it would be worthwhile to go to a counselor and talk about what's going on in your life. The sooner you reach out for help the sooner you can address it. Hope this helps a bit.
Thanks for the advice! I think I'm sure I want to come out to him now. But just one more thing, is it a good idea to tell him over MSN? Or is this generally a no-no? Oh, also, in other peoples experiences who came out gradually, is it possible for only you and someone else to know without it spreading? I mean, do slip-ups often happen?
Coming out over IM? If you see him often, do it in person if you can. As for coming out gradually, I don't really know, since I went from completely closeted to completely out in about three weeks. I guess I don't get the gradual thing. For me, once I decided to come out, I wanted out and done with. Good luck!!
i think its best for you to tell him face to face. nd if u think he might tell people just make sure that he promises not to tell anyone nd mak sure he knows tat it doesnt change who u are. as for people being mad at u for not having it as bad nd complaining tats a little silly. no one is here to judge u or argue with you. we r all friends here,(that i know of, lol) but telling ppl gradually is a good idea but it takes time. it helps if people think of the idea first nd get it comfermed by u. just talk to him about ppl tat are homosexual and people tat are homophobes. nd find out his opinion. then i think if it sounds lik he'd b really cool with it then tell him. if he's not then he isnt a real friend
