ok so im feeling a lot of anxiety and uncertainty again. in about a week i am planning to tell my best friend about my sexuality... and as it grows closer i get more and more nervous, anxious and keep questioning my self again. it is driving me mad... when i first came out to my self, for about a month and a half i had terrible anxiety about the need to tell someone, but then i decided i did not need to tell some one right away and my nerves settled down. well i feel like i need to tell some one, my best friend. and because im planning on it i am getting that anxiety and i keep questioning things all over again. i keep running scenarios through my head. i sometimes start to shake when i think about telling him. needless to say im freaking out. idk if im scared to be wrong or what. idk if i am scared for my deep dark secret to be told. idk if im scared to loose my secret.. i just dont know. honestly i know im scared of being wrong, but i dont feel like im wrong. im not questioning if im straight, because i know im not, so honestly im not sure what it is exactly im questioning. i feel like i have one shot at being right about my sexuality when i tell some one though. but i feel like my sexuality just makes it so hard to judge. like one day i could be gay as hell, the next i could be mildly bisexual (mostly gay though) and other days its like im nothing, i dont feel much of anything toward anyone. does anyone else feel like this at all? i know some of you might tell me that maybe i should wait longer to tell him, but i dont think i can. i feel like a ticking time bomb and if i dont tell him soon, then i might explode and end up telling someone who i dont want to tell right now (my dad) or do it in a way i really dont want to. i dont get to see my friend much, as we live in different cities and he is coming in town for a few days for spring bake... and here's my chance to tell him until June. i want to come out for a few reasons; im tired of hiding, im tired of trying to skip off the subject of why i dont have a girlfriend, i want to date, i want to go to a gay club, i want to experience my sexuality (ive never even had my first kiss... i know im pathetic). the other day i was told by a coworker of mine that another coworker asked her if i was gay because this guy (who is craze hot, has a huge heart, and if he was gay i would totally date him) that i was talking to, and me would make a really cute couple. i wish i could have said something more honest when she told me, rather than been like "AWWWWWW" and quickly walked away before she could ask me anything. i wish i could have been honest about how excited that comment made me lol. i just dont know what to do, i want to be out but im scared. i know i need to because if i dont its just prolonging the mental harm it does to me from keeping this bottled up inside me. its been nearly 10 years that ive been carrying this and its time that i tell some one. if i do come out then.. well idk. i feel like most people would be accepting about it, but honestly i dont know. threes only really one person who im scared $hitless to tell and thats my dad. i think it could go two ways... him just be in shock and gradually accept it, or he will kick me out. honestly i feel like i should keep it from him until i move out, but like i said before, i want to date, and if i cant be honest about a boyfriend than i feel like things just wont work. i do think im going to keep it from him until i move out and as far as dating goes, well i hope my date can understand. back to the real question here though. i want to tell my friend, but im just so scared to. i keep questioning my sexuality again... its not like im questioning if im straight though because i know im not, so im not sure exactly whet im questioning. if anyone has any advice, i could really us it! i dont want to miss my chance to tell him because im scared to. this needs to be said and needs to be said soon, and i want to tell him first.
Honestly, you don't have to label yourself the first time you tell him. You can just say something along the lines of, "Hey, I think I might be [insert your preferred term here]. I'm not really sure, though, because my mind is mucking things up and making it really hard to figure out. I just know I'm not straight." That way, you're still coming out to him but you're not sticking yourself with one specific label. You shouldn't be so worried about making sure you assign yourself the right label the first time. Sexuality is fluid and can take several twists and turns before it levels out with an identity with which you feel comfortable, if it ever does. So you might be questioning for some time before you get it figured out, and you might have to tell your friend a few different things. If he really cares a lot, he'll probably ask you how it's coming. I know that since I came out to my best friend, she's asked me how my brain is doing whenever we get on the topic of sexuality. I hope this makes at least a little bit of sense. If you're worried about being wrong, then don't be, because it might take quite a while to actually figure it out.
First, take a deep breathe. Like the guy said above ^^^ you DONT need to label yourself, sometimes are better left unsaid. Plus you're just now coming to terms with the new you, therefore don't label it right way take one baby step at a time. I'm pretty sure your friend will understand you and help along the way if they're a good friend but in the mean time don't rush into anything. Like I said before you're just coming into terms with the new you, take a deep breathe, and when you feel ready, that's when you should tell him. It'll be okay. Best of luck
Thanks to the both of you! i know i wont be able to settle down about this until i do it, but im just nervous. both of you said i should not put a label on my self when i tell him, but idk if i can not. i mean, i came out to my self over 6 months ago and have known my attraction to the same sex for about 10 years, and i feel like thats my dominant attraction. i feel like this should be easy, but its just not. like you said SCOTTY, its fluid, that just makes things hard to judge. i wish it could be static, because its like when i feel 100% gay for a few days, i feel like im finally getting an understanding of things, then i get all confused about it when it changes a little. its just so aggravating! it just takes time, i just need to keep that in my head! again, thank you both for the help! please wish my luck with telling him... i could really use it, a lot! ive wanted to do this since before i came out to my self, and just never felt i could. i keep going though this scenario in my head and im just freaking out, i really hope this goes well because i dont know what i would do with out him in my life.
Hi wolfy! First off, I know youre going through a streasful part of your life, but make sure you calm down and sleep on any decisions that you make of this magnitude Now, im probably not the best person to be giving advice on your sexuality, but what i understand is that its fluid. You dont need to put a definitive label on it this moment, and its okay to tell your friend even if youre not 100% sure what you are right now. Your friend might help you figure that out! Basically, what im trying to tell you is that i know you feel trapped, and i think the best way to relieve the pressure is by talking about it to your friend. Im sure he'll support you and help you out. I hope youre able to tell your friend, and please keep us posted on how it goes! good luck!!
You can always change your label. Say bi-sexual for now, leaves room for if you find some girl you really connect with. And it's okay to say you're really not 100% sure. Nobody is going to revoke your membership if you change from say, bisexual, to gay. As far as unburdening your "deep dark secret," I was so relieved after I told my first person. Things became so much cleared since then. I am so much more comfortable now putting myself out there. Yesterday I actually was interacting with a young gay guy at the gas station. He had a really bitchin' Saturn Redline, and I was complimenting him about it. I never would have done that before coming out. I've always been to introverted, socially awkward, and anxiety ridden. Didn't ask for his number, he was only 18, and I've got enough teenagers in my life already. But, the point is, I was so much more comfortable in my skin that approaching him didn't really generate the anxiety I normally have with meeting people. Now, I will say, telling my wife during therapy felt like I was at the edge of a chasm, the floor falling away from me. It was tough, she was accepting though. Sometimes you just got to say what the fuck, and do it... jump in with both feet.
Thank you again everyone (&&&)! im going to try my best to tell him, and you all will know how it went, because if i can (witch i will! im going into it with a "i must" aditude) i will be posting about it :icon_bigg
