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WHO am I

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by aragon11, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. aragon11

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    Hi all, I am a new member. This isn't how I wanted to come to terms with my sexuality, but I am confused.

    I am a guy
    I love women
    I love women loving women
    I am ok with men loving men


    where does that leave me? what am I? Should I be upset that there is no label for me?

    some possibilities...
    trans-lesbian
    transheterosexual
    cross-sexual


    Someone give me a label!
     
  2. aragon11

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    oh, and I left out...
    I feel better around women
    I identify as a woman
     
  3. Astaroth

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    Well, I advise not worrying about labels. You just like who you like, and that's fine. Labels are just a way for other people to simplify things for themselves. If you like lesbian and gay relationships as well as straight and you have an inner identity as a female, you could consider yourself (wait for it, this is going to be the best alliteration of the day)... a pansexual transexual! Pan-tran.

    In all honesty, you identify as a woman, but do you feel an urge to alter your body or lifestyle in order to pursue living as a woman in the future? That tends to be the defining quality of a transgendered person. Otherwise, just let things sort themselves out before you try to label yourself. No matter what, as long as you're happy with where you're at, your personal labels are not important in the long run.
     
  4. Miles D

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    you didn't make clear if you are FTM or MTF... but I'm thinking MTF, right?

    well, your gender and ssexuality are two separate things: you can be either gender (or trans) and be attracted to either gender (or all of the above!)

    sounds you may be a MTF lesbian, am I right? that's totally fine!

    and don't be so hung up about labels! labels are for soup cans!

    :grin:
     
  5. aragon11

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    I tend to like trans-lesbian...sounds more mysterious til the meaning is explained. anyway I came out as such today for the first time@!
     
  6. ColbieMarie

    ColbieMarie Guest

    congrats on coming out

    It seems like you have already labeled yourself (MTF lesbian?) and if not, don't worry about it (k, easier said than done, I'm still trying to figure out if I'm more bi or more lesbian).
     
  7. Amy

    Amy
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    Congrats on coming out!!!


    Exactly, you don't have to lable and define yourself, I've discovered that it only puts limits on who you are. Like Courtney/ColbieMarie said, it is much easier said than done, so don't start stressing, it only gets to a very bad point.

    Just be who you are, and nothing, or no one else.
     
  8. Kryz

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    Labels are not the way

    And self labeling.... It's the worst ANYONE could do

    but if you are so worried @ puting a word in you being... You are a Transgender Male who is Homosexual.
     
  9. Dark Secret

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    Transsexuality offers up a whole new perspective when it comes to the fluidity of human sexuality, which doesn't always fit snugly into any particular box, as you are discovering.

    I have two post-operative MTF transgendered Friends, who, like you, loved women and identified themselves as such; they identify themselves neither as gay nor bisexual women as they are now together in a relationship but are looking at having sexual relationships with men, although, pre-op, they never looked at other men sexually.

    Labels can cause a lot of friction between the labeller and the labelled, particularly when the labeller doesn't understand the label.

    If you really do wish to use a label, you could always use person.
     
    #9 Dark Secret, Nov 11, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2008
  10. Mikeyy

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    who am i?

    24601!

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

    but seriously, it's not the label you put on yourself that defines who you are.
     
  11. Lexington

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    Whoooo are you? Who who, who who?

    You're you. There may be no easy label for you. On the negative side, that means you can't explain yourself to people with one or two words. On the positive side, that means you don't have to worry about living up to (or conforming to) whatever baggage or stereotypes that labels can carry.

    Lex
     
  12. Sugar

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    I agree with what everyone said but I can understand where you are coming from. My partner recently came out as being transgender but doesn`t quite fit in either male or female labels. She seems very confused about who she is.

    I think labels make people comfortable because it`s a chance to identify to something. But we need to overcome labels because in the end all they do is stereotype and cause hate.

    Deep down you KNOW who you are. Just love youself :slight_smile:
     
  13. randombelle

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    Whats this idea of labels, why do you have to fit into a catagory with a scary name?Can you not be who you are and like what you like? It's hard I know. I don't think these labels help a person at all, because they feel they must stick to to their particular label.
    Chill out and don't worry about it. You'll find out one day, it's about experimenting and getting to know yourself. Mistakes are also normal, don't be scared of them.
     
  14. littledinosaurs

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    Cross-sexual? what is that?
     
  15. Pendrin2020

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    The guy who sits next to me at work is the same way. he's open enough with it to paint his nails and wear make-up. Occasionally he'll wear a couple articles of women's clothing (today is was elbow length, leather gloves.) He also does drag shows. Yet he loves women. I actually know a few people with similar situations.

    Good job on reaching out! That seems like the hardest part sometimes.

    My advice is to not obsess over the names and live it up. Whatever you feel most comfortable doing/being, go for it. You Are You.
     
  16. ALongWalk

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    well i agree with what most people are saying about loving yourself first, but "labels" are a cultural thing. Gender is the role you play in society, if you cant find one that you think you suite then do some research and find one if that will help you out
    My best advice though is to be comfortable with being different
     
  17. ilovelife

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    Yeah, I agree with most too. Just be yourself. I actually think it makes more sense to love everyone for who they are, not a specific gender. But then again, we don't really get to choose.