A lot happened in the last few weeks. At home violence happened and we had to move back to my hometown. Me and my mom are both ok because luckily my dad gave her a lot of money he owed her (because he didn't pay alimony for a ton of months). After coming back to town without a cent in our pockets (although with a ton of friends willing to help us), that money was a very lucky break from it. Now with our fridge full and my friends on my side once again, my mind is focused on different problems. First of all school. I desperately need to improve my math grades if I am to enter the course I want. I have a test tomorrow and another one Friday. The big one comes monday. I am a bit behind on the subjects my friends learned while I was taking care of the school transfer. I either focus on this test or everything is f.u.c.k.e.d. The last thing I want is to repeat the year again just because of math. My friends gave me a warm welcome. One or two have left for different schools but other than that everyone is here, thankfully. Second thing I'm concerned about is romantic relationships. Although I do talk to my crush everyday, she is no longer by my side. That makes me feel like shit. But that is life. I'm finding it so hard to move on from feeling something for her. She knows but she feels nothing in return and since the last thing we want is to lose our friendship, she told me off basically. Now I am in the 12th grade which means it's the last year before Uni. We are going to go on a "sort of" Spring Break trip. Imagine teenagers from all over the country. Now add the freedom to do whatever you wan't. We all know what happens in those kinds of trips. I want something to happen but I'm not going to force it. I know it is a bad idea. Third thing I'm bothered with is basically linked to my sexuality. I'm going to a different place than the friends I'm with now, simply because I started paying for the trip before moving out... long before, last year actually so there was no way to know. That is good because I don't feel ready to come out to them if something were to happen. And after I watched a video recently released by a Bi Youtuber about coming out as bisexual, I felt like I needed to. But I don't feel like doing it. I guess I owe it to them to come out because they are amazing friends. On the other hand, and although I know that they would be supportive, they joke a lot using gay as derogatory term. I know that they are just joking trying to make fun of someone else, because that's what friends do. But that makes me feel "afraid". And from that comes the main question: Is coming out to my closest friends a must? Again, I feel the need to do it, but I as usual I'm sort of afraid of the reactions. My best friend (aka the crush) identifies as bisexual herself and told me that I'm giving too much importance to it. It's not as important to her as it is to me and to you all, that is why I am sharing this. Thanks for everything. I love you all.
Dearest person Coming out is not at all a must. It can give you a sense of gratitude and self awareness, and just all around happy feeling to know that others care. But as I've told many people here that coming out isn't a race. You don't have to blaze through it. Take it at your own pace. If you don't want to come out that's your choice not someone else's. Sincerly -The Wolf of The Baltic
Yeah, I'm going to agree with Wolf of the Baltic, you need to go at your own pace and do it when you are ready. You are not obligated to do anything. This is about you and not them, and no one has the right to make you feel like you owe them something because of something you are going through. I came out on facebook and worried that others would be mad at coming out on such a public forum and not tell them face to face but it was something that I needed to do for me. Each coming out story is personal and there is no right or wrong way to do it because it is about you, not them. You even have the right to tell only some friends and not others.
