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When did everyone actually start to feel better?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ShapesNShapes, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. ShapesNShapes

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    Heyo.

    Well, I finally did it. I've started telling the people who matter most that I'm bisexual. Being almost 27 now, people are pretty surprised but very, very cool with it.

    I've read countless stories of people feeling this immediate, almost immaculate, feeling like a weight has been lifted -- and I'm not getting that at all.

    While I feel a bit better that I've started, I still very much have all of the symptoms of being scared and feeling ashamed and even a little guilty.

    I'm checking in with a therapist to get my head on straight, but has anyone else had anything similar like this happen?

    Thanks,
     
  2. Yossarian

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  3. Alive

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    Yea, I know very few people who immediately felt better after coming out. Personally, I felt better once I accepted myself and knew no matter what anyone says, they can't change me because I am who I am. Sometimes, of course, negative things occur relating to one's gender/sexuality and during those moments you may not feel that it gets better. In the long run, you will feel better and less guilty.
     
  4. Nychthemeron

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    I came out one year ago and I still can't even speak the word "transgender" in front of my parents, despite the fact they have given me permission to transition in three years.

    It's okay to feel scared, ashamed, and guilty, but it's not okay to blame yourself. Most who feel this way often know it's okay to be LGBT+, but for some reason, they still blame themselves. Maybe they believe they can somehow change the fact that they're LGBT+, but cannot.
     
    #4 Nychthemeron, Mar 10, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2015
  5. penta

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    I started to feel better when i accepted it for myself and after i told my Brother so i have someone to talk to
     
  6. cejuna

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    It takes time. :slight_smile: I came out to a friend almost two years ago but I really wasn't ready then, I felt horrible and that I shouldn't have told her that I'm gay. I hadn't accepted myself yet and was really unsure about my sexuality. But I think that too gets easier when you come out to people. It also helps you to accept yourself more as you hear all those positive and encouraging comments.
     
  7. guitar

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    It takes time. As others have said, self-acceptence meets coming out to others. It really feels good when you come out to someone & they share in your joy of coming out and being your true self.
     
  8. Clay

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    Couple of months after.

    Took maybe a year and a half before I could just tell people I didn't really know I was gay.
     
  9. OGS

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    Everyone's experience is going to be different. I was one of those immense weight type people. I really did feel like my life was finally beginning and it really was glorious. For me it was immediate. Hopefully you'll get there. The one piece of advise I would give is that at least in my experience that sense of being unburdened doesn't really come from telling people. It comes from giving up worrying what people will think--all of them. Actually telling some people is probably necessary because as much as some people may like to think that they don't care what anyone thinks almost everyone has a few people (some have many people) that try as they might they just can't not care what they think. So you tell them and then you just go about your life. For me it was my parents. It was over twenty years ago. My family are very religious Mormons. It could have easily gone horribly wrong. I prepared myself for that and I told them. We got through it--and after that, after I really had steeled myself for them turning their backs on me forever, the idea that I would really care how anyone else would react was just... well it just didn't make sense. And that--in my opinion was why the weight lifted. I hope it happens for you.
     
  10. Lone Dragon

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    I think it is different for everyone. I came out to a couple of people when I wasn't really ready. I was still walking around hiding my sexuality. It wasn't until recently that I have been slowly accepting myself and cared a little bit less about what others think that I have been feeling better about my whole life. So for me it was more about accepting myself. It may sound cliché, but true.
     
  11. Ninagrrl

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    I also agree that it just might be different for others. I came out to a few close to me about 4 months ago and was fine and had started talking on dating sites. Then today I came out to everyone else over facebook and now I feel broken and rejected. After bottling for 20 years it has finally hit me and I am grieving hard. I accept myself as really being gay but not quite proud of it yet. Right now my chest actually feels heavy not lighter.
     
  12. Randomcloud

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    It's different for everyone. While I felt relieved having gotten it off my chest, I still had some anxiety and fear about people viewing/treating me differently now and wondering how other people would react.. it took a few months for me to become reasonably comfortable.
     
  13. as1311

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    Its nice to see other people have felt the same way! I'm only out to a few friends and my sister, with a couple people more who are aware of my feelings for girls (without them knowing I don't have feelings for men). Every time I've came out to someone I've woken up the next day feeling anxious.. In a way I think it's easier to cope with when it's a secret inside your head because you can just refuse to deal with it that way.. I think I've been worrying people will treat me differently but it hasn't been that way at all so far. Waiting for the feeling of freedom but I think it'll take a lot more coming out conversations before I finally feel that way!
     
  14. Ninagrrl

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    I think this was sort of my problem last night sort of. I came out on facebook and then got very emotional. I remember telling someone about the lack of comments on my post. I remember saying that at least if they gave a bad comment, at least it meant they still cared. I don't think it is as big of a deal to most as it is for us but it still hurts or is scary/hurtful to not get that response you were expecting and when it doesn't you get left waiting for that blow that never comes and you are left standing and waiting for everything to implode.
     
  15. Yossarian

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    The way things are going today, many people don't respond dramatically to an announcement that someone is gay, as long as it does not appear to be an obvious contradiction to what they are currently thinking. If a married man or woman comes out as gay, that's news. If a teenager comes out as gay, it just earns them a label and categorization. If some superjock sports figure comes out as gay, that is still news, because of the misunderstood perception of gay men being effeminate, which is a phony stereotype and not generally true, and because of the apparent contradiction between the expectation and the reality that some macho guys are gay.

    As being gay becomes more normalized in law, and people begin to feel casual about being gay, it may eventually become as "different" as being a redhead; after all, a greater percentage of people are gay than are redheads.
     
  16. TheStormInside

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    For me so far it's been- immense weight lifted immediately after coming out to someone, and hearing their positive or neutral reaction. But then after a day or two reality sinks in, I'm emotionally drained, and feel insecure because that that information is now less protected than it once was. I'm still working on being open with my sexuality with those I'm out to. But I think the more you live with it and the more people you tell the more relaxed you will become. It'll become your "normal" and you won't have to constantly being policing your thoughts or who you are or are not out to.
     
  17. Ninagrrl

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    That was mine but it was like hours that it sunk in and then the rest of the night I was a hot mess. I think for me it was from letting go of that suppression and everything cascaded out like a waterfall of emotions. I feel drained and insecure as well. I also feel more alone then I ever have in my life. Isolated because I lack support. I have people in my life who support me being gay but they live far away so there is no physical support of hugs or distraction or anything like that; but I think even for quite a few it can seem to be a very lonely experience because it's such a personal thing. No one has to come out as being straight but yet we have to go through this whole ordeal just because someone decided to use fear and religion to control the masses.
     
  18. NewKid87

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    For sure it takes time. I consider myself lucky that I've only felt better after I started coming out. But that ignores the fact that I was really, really depressed last year when I couldn't ignore my sexuality any longer and I didn't know how to come to terms with it. Not to mention the almost three preceding decades of shame and guilt. I came out to myself around my 27th birthday last November, and although that was a relief, I didn't feel great about it then. Just really 'effing scared. It took me three months before I was able to summon the courage to breathe a word about it to anybody. Then I started feeling better. Now I think I'm as happy as I've ever been.

    But self-acceptance takes time, and you're definitely not alone in feeling scared/ashamed/guilty. We've all been there.
     
  19. QueerTransEnby

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    I've been out since July, but I am still not better. Maybe it could be that my parents are still in denial and refuse to meet my boyfriend.
     
  20. kindy14

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    It felt like a huge weight off my heart. I think because that's when I really accepted liking guys fully, accepting it as part of myself, and wanting to explore that side of me.