im sarah,btw. nd i dont really kno where to start cuz it aint really that long nd i dont really kno whats going on. but ok here it goes. last year i was going thro lik rough stuff nd my family was falling apart, i didnt want to talk to anyone bcuz it just hurt to talk to the ppl in my family nd i didnt want to talk to my friends cuz theyd ask wats up wit me. so i started to just explore my mind nd myself. one day i start to look at nd see the girls around me differntly. without thinkn i look at myself in a relationship with them. nd i get really freakd out. my cousin is bi nd shes adopted. i hang wit her a lot, so i think mayb im just thinkn lik her. but she nvr talkd to me bout girls shez been wit. so i just try to push it away for a lil. so then i get a bf, hez nice nd sweet. but i dont really think i lik him all to much so i break up wit him. then the feelins bout girls strt to come up again. nd im just so confused nd frustrated i dont kno wat to think. so then summer comes nd i dont c my friends lik EVER. but my firend sets me up wit some guy. i lik him hes nice but i think i force the emotions i kno i shud feel onto myself. then i start to think mayb tats what im doing with feeling things about girls. so then i get more confused. me nd my bf break up then comes highschool. things r complicated. my friends at highschool r homophobic(kinda) so i start to get scared nd think if im bi or lesbian or something then what will my friends do!! i think i might b bi, but im SO not sure. nd i dont know who i cud talk to. i dont wat my bff tats still in jr high to b uncomfortable talkn bout it, but my cousin tat has experience is leaving 4 the air force. i really dont know who to turn to. :dry::bang:
Hi, you can give yourself some time...I feel same and I was told not to put labels on myself. It takes time till you are comfortable with yourself and with who you are. I think we built homophobia as well, because we grow up thinking it's wrong to have feeling towards same sex. So it takes time to fight the inter phobia as well...your friends should like you for who you are and when you feel time is right you can tell someone that you trust and look for support network, that way it will be easy to move on and eventually come out and be comfortable.
Sarah, please stop worrying about what your friends will think, as this appears to be adding to your anguish - just be yourself around them and this will help them to accept you better if and when you do get the opportunity to "come out" to them. Don't try to work things out on your own, as there is a quagmire of information out there and some of it can be conflicting; seek out a school counsellor, who will be better equipped to give you the information you need. In the meantime, there are always those of us here at EC.
True friends will stay true friends no matter what. If they can't respect your sexuality then maybe they shouldn't be your friends.
I worried what my friends would think for ages. Then I got talking to one friend inparticular, and I came out to him he was fine about it, cos he kinda guessed anyway, but he said that he knows it's not his or anyone else's place to judge me. If they did and they had a problem with it, they're probably not worth it. There will be someone that can accept you for who and what you are, so don't worry! Talk to someone, anyone you can trust, us, and you'll feel better. If you can't tell friends, work through issues on here. If you can tell friends and they stick by you, even better - what else are friends for? You don't even need to label yourself. If you suddenly find yourself hooked up with another girl one day, maybe that's the time to come out! Hope that helped... :/ I waffled a bit sorry
Welcome to EC! First off, don't feel you have to rush things. You still haven't figured out exactly where you are yet, so don't rush to slap the "lesbian" or "bisexual" tag on yourself before you're ready. Just keep looking, and keep fantasizing. Eventually, your feelings will get a bit clearer. Who do you talk to? Whoever you feel you can trust. Obviously, we're not gonna judge you, so you can always chat here. How do you feel about your cousin? Can you talk to him/her about all sorts of things? S/he might be somebody you can confide in. You may have to only talk via e-mail once s/he ships out, but still, it's better than not talking at all. Lex
thanks so much for the advise. it helpd me a lil. my cousin(girl) i can talk to her about it but not in person. she never lets me talk about it in person cuz she to busy talkn bout herself. ive been wanting to see the school consuler(cant spell it) about it, but everytime i go there i chicken out or shes not there. i joined the Gay Straight Alliance at my school. theyr lik a support group to. but i just cant find my voice when im inthere. im always to afraid to speak up. a couple of my friends kno that im struggling to figure out who i am exactly but they dont go to my school or dont really hang out wit me
Hey Sarah, welcome (*hug*) I suppose I am in a similar position to you... A while ago I realised I was attracted to other girls, and I got a bit confused and anxious about things. In fact, I'm still not sure if I'm gay, bi or what! Try not to worry about what your orientation is, because whatever it is, that's fine, and the only way you'll find out in the end is with time. You might want to ask yourself some questions like "Can I see myself in a long term romantic relationship with a guy/girl?" or "Do I feel physically attracted to guys/girls?". That might help you sort things a bit, but if you still feel confused, it doesn't matter. There's no hurry. It's good that you joined the gay straight alliance at your school. Maybe if there's a leader there, or somebody older who seems to be friendly, perhaps you could just go up to him/her and say "Hey, I'm a bit confused about things in my life right now and I'm not sure who I can talk to. Could we have a little talk sometime?" You'd probably find that if you had a private chat with someone who was gay/bi/whatever themselves, you would find it a bit easier to open up, just one on one. On the other hand, if you can get the confidence to visit the counsellor, that might be good too. I went to talk to a teacher at school about it and he was really helpful and kind. Then I went to the school nurse/counsellor and she gave me lots of confidence too. They have to keep what you say in confidence so there's no need to worry about that side of things. But if talking to those people still seems too hard, as Lexington said, we're all here at EC, and you can tell us about anything you like. I hope that whatever you choose to do you can soon feel relaxed and happy with yourself. Believe in yourself!
thanks again, ive tried a lot to talk to them but i just find myself frozen. nd i think i got a new problem. i think might b bcoming depressed but im not sure. lately i never want to go anywhere, im exhausted all the time, i keep getting headaches for no reason nd i get irritated or sad over the littlest things. either i dont eat anything or i eat everything. i find myself wanting to cry all the time nd picturing what wud happeen if i was never alive. i dont kno who to talk to about this, i want to talk to my ex bcuz we'r still friends but he wont talk to me at ALL. he hasnt been replying to my txts ever since i tried to talk to him about it. im scared. i dont kno whats happening to me. today in PE we were running nd i was getting tired. it was my third lap nd i was just telling myself i only had one more. but then i though i couldnt do it nd i started hurting so bad, i just started to cry. ive never done tat b4 over running. nd i just kept on crying nd crying. but i just finished the last lap (still crying) nd went to the bathroom. there i just started to sob nd cry more. then i just stared to think tat i couldnt live anymore. but i love life!! im so scared and confused i dont hav any idea what to do!!
