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How do I come out to my father?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rusty, Mar 11, 2015.

  1. Rusty

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    Me and my father are closer than anyone can imagine, but this is why it hurts so much. He's old school, gentlemanly, the whole 9 yards, but along with that, a "bit" homophobic. I'm bi, and he's only ever seen me date women. I've just recently come out to my closest friend, and she supports me. But now I want to come out to my father and mother. How should I do it, or should I at all. Not doing it would feel like lying, some thing I've never done to him. But if I were to come out, and he rejected me or something....that would hurt...
     
  2. MonsterAnarchy

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    HERE WE GO!
    it says your 21. so this should be a little bit less scary for you.
    but here's what i would do in your shoes.
    i would create a support group.
    if you feel comfortable enough, tell more of your trusted friends and turn them into your support group. when you tell your parents, bring your support group. tell them youre gay (or if your super nervous, have one of your friends help you.) have a convo with your parents about it, and have your support group help and support you in the process.
    also, if just want that one friend to be the only friend you know, then let her be your support group.
    if your dad rejects you, then let her stand up for you as you stand up for yourself.
    but, tbh, if you and your dad are as close as you say, then he should accept you cause you are his son and he loves you.
    i wish you the best of luck c: <3
     
  3. Quen

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    There are many ways you could come out. For example if you're nervous, you could write a letter if you don't think you could get the words out. Or if you're a more celebratory person, you could bake a cake.

    As for your father, you should probably tell him if you want to remain close to him, especially if you think you could end up in a long term same-sex relationship. That's a big part of your life to keep as a secret from someone you're close to. If you think your mother would be more accepting, you could tell her first so that she can support you when you tell your father. But ultimately, it's your choice if/when/how you come out. Good luck with whatever you choose!
     
  4. Rusty

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    Finally did it! Thanks so much for the advice and support!
     
  5. ShapesNShapes

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    So how did it go?
     
  6. Rusty

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    He's known for years. I was completely surprised by that, since I hid it pretty well. Not one other person knew, but he did.
     
  7. AgnisFlame

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    Yay!!!!! You're braver than I am:slight_smile::slight_smile::slight_smile::slight_smile:
     
  8. ChuckLuck

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    I have never came out to my father but he does know my sexual orientation(gay) via my mother. Ive never felt comfortable talking to my father about my sexuality. He says he accepts me but im not not 100% convinced he does. We have never talked about my sexuality. I really do think you should talk to your father privately and tell him how you feel. It would have made my relationship with my father much more healthier if i would have. Tell him your orientation, see how he responds, If he seems troubled by the news comfort him by asking him what his worries are and if he has any questions. I personally would have told my father,"Dad im gay. Ive known for a long time that I was not like most boys but this is who I am, I did not chose to be like this, and I hope you understand that i can i not keep this to myself any more I need all the support I can get."

    I hope this helps you. Your lucky to be able to do this, I really do wish I could have :slight_smile:
     
  9. Rusty

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    Thank you all so much for the support. He took it extremely well. I'm so glad there's a site like this, as it's helped me quite a bit.