I hope that I have started this thread in the right part of this forum. And I also hope that you'll understand me, even if my English isn't the best. However, I want to come out to my parents. Or, only my dad and his new wife - my mum has been dead for several years. Well, my dad and I have a rather good contact, but we've never discuss feelings and love together. And it should be cool, only if my dad's new wife wasn't so curious about my life. She nags about that I would meet a boy, and everytime I'm home, for birthdays, Christmas and so, she's asking me if I have met some nice guy. Everytime I answer: "No, I haven't and I shouldn't either", but she continues to ask, all the time. To be spared from this nagging, I will come out for my dad (and for her) rather soon, but I don't know how I should do. I don't know if my dad has a homophobic attitude (we haven't discussed it), but I know that she has something against homosexuality. Maybe it isn't something negative, but I think that she should have hard to understand if someone rather close to her (in her family) was homosexual. I like her really much, except for this nagging, and I wouldn't make her (or my dad) sad. It's because of that I - to be honest - wouldn't say anything to them, but it's difficult when she is asking so much. It feels like I lie to her everytime I do not say the truth, and it makes me crying. How should I tell them? I would never dare to say it in front of both of them, so it has to be one of them. My dad or her? What should I say? How should I say it? In which sentences? Well, hope for answers. And please, ask if it's something you not understand, my English isn't so well.
Hey, Scheherazade, welcome! Perhaps you should try mentioning homosexuality to your Dad or his wife in a general way, to see what kind of opinion they have. Eg, you could say "I read in the newspaper, that in America they recently voted to ban gay marriage in some places. What do you think about that?" Then you talk about the issue and see if they have homophobic ideas. If they are a bit homophobic you can always try and correct them, eg if they believe misinformation, you can reassure them that gay people are just like anybody else. At this point you don't have to come out to them, just "test the water". Finding out if they are homophobic (or what their views were) in this way would be my first step, if I were you. Then I could plan what to do next. And by the way, your English seems very good, totally understandable Good luck!! (*hug*)
Well, I think that you should tell your parents. As for how to do that? Just kind of ease the idea into their heads. Like just drop some hints and maybe if you have any homosexual friends talk about them, or just people you know that are homosexual. Maybe talk about people that are homophobic as well, and casually ask how they feel about it. For who to tell first. Tell your dad. But try to get a little bit closer to him first. And for your father's new wife, she should except you, it sounds like she cares about you and just wants you to be happy. And maybe another reason she might be nagging you about finding a guy is because she might want grandchildren someday. My aunt would always talk to my cousin about finding a guy. Then she'd tell my mother how much she wants grandchildren. Just ease them into it and get them to try and suspect it and then tell them. p.s. Your english is great by the way
It may be that your stepmom simply suspects the truth and is trying to get you to come out. She may not necessarily be homophobic. I would simply get some educational materials for your parents and come out giving them the materials to read at the same time. It may just take a little education on your part to find out they are totally accepting of you and who you are.
Thank you all for your answers! I have pondered over that you, beckyg, are talking about, that she maybe suspects what's going on, but I don't think it's in that way. It was a really good idea to give them some educational materials, thank you for that advice! Sarah, I have given them some hints, like "I would never marry a man" and I have also went in the pride parade (they knew it, but they wasn't there to look) so I don't know which more hints I should give them. About this pride parade thing, they didn't comment on it at all. Psycedelic Bookmarks, that was a good idea, too! But I'm not sure if I would dare to discuss something like that with my dad (it was rather hard to say that I joined the parade, for example), but I will think about it.
I agree totally with Psychedelic, work on your Father; after all, you have known him a lot longer than you have known your step-Mother and you can better gauge his reactions. Again, as Psychedelic says, test the waters first and lead up to "coming out" to him. Prepare yourself by gathering as much relevent information as you can - such as local/national support groups, the risk of contrating HIV/AIDS; contact the Swedish equivalent of PFFLAG (Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians & Gays) and ask them for some brochures - because your Father will ask questions and you should be able to provide the answers. When you decide the time is right, set yourself a day and a time, and try to get your Father on his own, making sure there are no distractions; strike up a conversation with him about absolutely anything and then gently manoeuvre the conversation round to sexuality. Initially, you might not get the reaction you are hoping for, so be prepared emotionally - it is rare for a parent not to come round eventually, so don't get yourself worked up, you are, after all, still "Daddy's Little Girl". I wish you Good Luck and ask that you keep us informed.
Is there only you and your dad? Do you not have any brothers or sisters that you could come out to first and who could help you? OK, presuming that you are an only child then maybe the best way would be to get your dad some educational materiel about homosexuality and then ask him if you can talk to him just you and him. You could tell him in the way that you think will be easiest for him, give him the materiel and then let him sort out your mother in law. Your only worry really is your dad, what your step mum thinks is her problem. If your dad knows that you were in the gay pride parade and have never had a boyfriend then maybe he suspects but doesn't know how to bring up the conversation because as you said, you don't talk about feelings and love and also that sort of thing can be really embarassing between father and daughter. That is the sort of things that mums talk to their daughters about.
I'm an only child too and comming out to a father personally was hard. It all depends on his opinion on it. Test the waters for sure and make sure you get a reassuring answer. But although if your gut feeling is telling you something listen to it. Trust me from experience with dealing with parents.
Thanks all of you for your advices. I'm really nervous, but when I think about how hard it's for me to handle dad's new wife's questions if I have met a boyfriend yet, the coming out thing feels necessary for me. I hope that you wish me good luck and I will hold you updated about this coming out-thing. Thank you, again.
Hello again, everyone. Now has somethings happened, and I want your advices. I went home to my dad for this weekend, and today, I came out for him. Well, it wasn't like a real (or a typical - if it exists something like that) "out coming situation", it was like when I went out this morning, just ready to go, I said "by the way, dad, I'm homosexual" and then I ran out, not waiting for the reaction. Or, he said like "okay..." and than I closed te door. And after that - I ran away. His wife isn't home this weekend, so I don't think that she knows something. Me and my dad haven't talk at all during the whole day (we haven't met each other either) but I came home now in the afternoon, and he hasn't said anything at all. Mine either, but I think that it's his turn to say something right now. How should I take this? What should I do? Maybe he's thinking that I joked, or just said that to get a reaction, or maybe he's too shy to talk about it. I don't know, but I think that the situation is more terrible now and before I said something. I'm really thankful for all advices.
Okay personally I wouldnt have ran away like that. But its scary saying something like that. You should let him come to you so he can get everything together. Its like when you first realized you were gay it was a shock and you kinda want to slow things down and think. But if you feel comfortable now you can just be open and be nice whenever he talks to you. Have some info ready too if he is asking anything. But I think he will take it well.
