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Not sure what to do now?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LockedCloset, Mar 13, 2015.

  1. LockedCloset

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    So I just now, about 20 minutes ago, came out to my mom. I told her, with these exact words, in Swedish; "I don't want to be a girl", she turned and looked at me with...umm..Panicked? eyes. I'm not really sure, but sort of like that, I guess. I got scared and my heart rate picked up rather quickly, and I told her to 'chill out'. She did, and then asked me "Oh, you mean like you don't want to have your period?", I repeated, "No, I don't want to be a girl, I never wanted to be a girl."

    But this is the moment where I couldn't handle it and walked out of her room, which we were in at the time. She said, and lifted her arm to hug me; "No, no, don't say that. You're a girl, you're a girl." Like someone was bullying me. I pushed her arm away and walked out. My first instinct was to come here.

    I locked myself into my room. She hasn't knocked on my door yet. I'm scared to walk out of my room? No one is at home atm, my brother and sister are out to drive my other brother home. My father is not in Sweden right now, and won't be back for a while.

    I'm turning 14 in a few weeks. And I read somewhere that this is the preferable time to get a t-shot, which I've been thinking about for quite some time now. But I could be wrong, so please do correct me if I am...So I decided that, tonight was the time. Note that my mom is a dedicated muslim. I have no idea how to do this. I'm not sure if I should regret this or not.

    Sorry this turned out so long.
     
  2. woahthatsboring

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    I'm not familiar with transgender although I did know someone who was transgender in 6th grade(no one really questioned it because we were so young). I would like to tell you congrats however for telling your mom the truth. You're really brave. I'm pretty sure she'll come around sooner or later and understand. You should probably take it slow, you've laid a lot on her just now. Wait in your room and see if she seeks you out. She'll come around in due time. Remember it's new to her as well
     
  3. LockedCloset

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    Thank you so much! :slight_smile:
     
  4. woahthatsboring

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    No problem, hope all is well
     
  5. LockedCloset

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    Okay, not sure I can post on an old thread? So sorry, if I can't. And whew, if it's not that old.

    Anyway. So after all this, me, my mom and my sister went to town the next day. It was fine, my mom was a bit tense, but she talked to me like usual. We went to this clothes store, and I looked at this shirt that I really liked...on the guy's side of the store. My mom asked me if I wanted to try it on, and I got happy, because I thought she had calmed down a bit, and maybe was starting to try and accept me. So, a few days have passed, and just now my mom was with my sis on the phone, on speaker. I asked my sis why she sounded like a man, as a joke, obviously. She replied maybe I am a man, with that knowing tone...I should probably mention that I told her about all this transgender, coming out stuff to her when we went shopping. She's cool about it, she said she didn't care if it was true or not, haha.
    Okay, anyway. My mom laughed and said that I told her that, a few days ago.

    Here's the thing. She took it all as a whole joke. The coming out, the shirt... I think I'll give her a bit more time? I don't know how long, which is why I come here to give you people an update.

    Sorry about that, btw, I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. You don't come out to your parents several times. Unless, of course, they take it as a joke..or if you get adopted...Like a gay Bruce Wayne. With Alfred as a second daddy.

    ...Moving on. Sorry this gets so long all the time. I think I might just give her a month or two...But if she just won't understand that this isn't all just a joke...I mean...Coming out, even the probably horrible way I did it, took a lot out of me. And I mean A LOT. I don't think I can handle that sort of...those feelings again. She is one of the most important people in the world for me. I don't want to lose my mom. What do I do if this doesn't work out? Or do I just shut up and wait? :/ Sorry, again.
     
  6. MurderMystery

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    As she is the most important to you, it's important that you two understand each other. Both sides will have a different perspective and sure, it'll take a bit of preparing but you have to understand that she's your Mother and in the end she will love you. It'll be okay and I wish for the best my friend
     
  7. LockedCloset

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    Thank you! =) And thanks for the friend request too
     
  8. kindy14

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    She sounds like she's testing your boundaries, could be any number of reasons. Don't judge them negatively if they don't make you feel the best. You aren't in her head, don't guess what her motivations are.

    Talk calmly and in a quiet place that you didn't appreciate a comment, or behavior. Find out what she was thinking.

    Yes, please let your mom absorb this news. It is a big shock to her. World changing shock.

    You've accepted this for days, weeks, months, years. Look how long it took you to adjust to who you are and want to be. Just keep that in perspective. This is something that my therapist has to keep reminding me.

    I've been bisexual since 12, and closeted until recently about that. I'd been planning and preparing to make big decisions about my life for about a year. Slowly at first, and then more quickly last July. My wife was mostly oblivious to the details of my pain and suffering. Secrecy about my depression, my orientation and tastes. So, everything came as a big shock to her, and she's still shocked about a lot of it.
     
  9. LockedCloset

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    Thanks a lot for taking the time to write this!

    As you said, my mom gave birth to a girl, and raised me as a girl for almost 14 years now, and I just laid it out for her way too quickly. After watching the documentary, Mr.Angel, I realized that, this might take a while, and I should be more patient with her. :icon_redf

    Maybe with myself too. I should really slow down. xD

    Again, thank you very much!
     
  10. kindy14

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    You are welcome. I'm glad you understood, and it shows some maturity in you that you can empathize with your mom now. You will need many heart to hearts to get through the years ahead. It will be difficult.

    What most teenagers fail to realize is that puberty and adolescence is difficult for most people, straight or non-straight. We who have come before you have shared your some of your experience. I might not know your whole path, but my path through that blanket of hormones changing you from child to young adult was difficult. I know it's difficult for my 15 year old son, I can empathize with him not wanting girls having short shorts in class. He wont say he's distracted by them, but why else would he bring it up.

    Anyway, slow down and take a deep breath every once in a while. Don't be embarrassed about not being patient with your mom. What's the biggest news you've had to spring on her before this? Change in hair style? Good or bad grades?

    It's part of life, growing up, maturing, and developing a genuine personality.