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Is it possible to come out in college but not to parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Cesar123, Mar 13, 2015.

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  1. Cesar123

    Cesar123
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    Hey guys! So I'm just trying to wrap my head around this possibility for me. Is it possible for me to come out of the closet to say some friends and coworkers while in college - I'm going to be a freshman at a large university this coming August - but not to my parents. I really feel my parents would react quite badly, as they have always been homophobic. The college I will be attending is roughly 2hours from them and I would most likely be involved in a lot of stuff and it would nice to be able to date a guy and be completely open with my friends. I'm not the type of guy that makes a big issue over my sexuality, so the people that would know would probably be really close to me. Has this ever been done before? I've only heard of people keeping there sexuality under wraps until graduation but honestly I feel i would be missing out so much by doing that.
     
    #1 Cesar123, Mar 13, 2015
  2. woahthatsboring

    woahthatsboring
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    Of course! If you wanted to come out to college friends and start dating, it's your life, you're not in your parents house anymore-- go though with it! Although I think you should tell your parents when you're ready, it can be hard to keep secrets and they always find their way to come out. Your parents might not understand at first, but they'll come around soon-- in the mean time that doesn't mean you shouldn't have a relationship. Good luck!
     
    #2 woahthatsboring, Mar 13, 2015
  3. gasian

    gasian
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    Huh, I was just thinking about this the other day...

    But...how could you keep a secret though? My parents can stalk me through social media, and would probably email my professors, or worse, a residential advisor if they thought anything was amiss...and the more people who hold a secret, the easier it is to get outed, either intentionally or unintentionally. What about move-in day, where if your parents are helping you move in, you tell your roommates, and then they accidentally out you?

    Also, OP, will anybody from your high school be attending the same university? I'm starting to get acceptance letters now, and one of the major deciding factors is if somebody from my high school will also be attending (they all think I'm straight).

    I swear I'm not trying to put you down, but these are just questions that I have, as well as questions that you might not have thought of. I think the phrase is "playing devil's advocate"?
     
    #3 gasian, Mar 13, 2015
  4. whatdoIneed

    whatdoIneed
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    One other thing to consider is having a plan as to what to do if you meet someone special
     
    #4 whatdoIneed, Mar 13, 2015
  5. theboy123

    theboy123
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    Im actually having a very similar problem. i haven't told my parents or friends yet, and i'm leaving for college in fall. I believe that you should tell them or anyone else, whenever you feel ready and you are ok and happy with yourself.:thumbsup:
     
    #5 theboy123, Mar 13, 2015
  6. Cesar123

    Cesar123
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    My parents are really homophobic! My father once went to jail because he beat my uncle when he came out to him - my mom applauded him for doing it! I obviously do plan on telling them eventually but It would be nice to have to college out of the way first! I probably will not have a roommate during college, my parents are against that too and are willing to pay extra for me to be alone. No one from my high school is attending it, as far I know! Again I really do not see the big deal with coming out either. I've already told people that I'm close to but its the first thing I mention to someone. I'd probably tell my friends months after I start. It's just not that big of a deal to me, that I feel compelled to everyone about....this might change with a boyfriend because I'm sure I would everyone to know he's mine lol.
     
    #6 Cesar123, Mar 14, 2015
  7. Tritri

    Tritri
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    You can tell people how horribly homophobic your parents are (especially that uncle story. btw which side of the family was that uncle on?) and I'm sure they would try their best to never post about it online and keep it a complete secret from your parents.
     
    #7 Tritri, Mar 14, 2015
  8. Yossarian

    Yossarian
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    Just come out to the guys you want to date. Don't come out in big public way. Most people in college today don't think it is such a big deal to be gay, so unless you make a big deal out of it, probably no one else you meet will either. You don't have to come out in a way that throws it in your parent's faces.
     
    #8 Yossarian, Mar 14, 2015
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