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Planning on coming out for the first time, but really scared and nervous!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Erzulie, Mar 15, 2015.

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  1. Erzulie

    Erzulie
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    I am going back home next week, to my parent's house where I grew up, and am meeting one of my oldest friends. We haven't really talked in a while and since we started college we've talked but haven't really connected.

    I am at the point where I really feel like I need to come out to someone, and since I have to put a hold on coming out to my best friend here, I'm trying to think of the next best person to come out to first.

    This friend one of the few people that just gets me, and I'm like 95% sure that she will be ok with it. We practically grew up together and used to be extremely close, and she was so easy to be around, but the last few times I saw her it felt like an effort, and I'm starting to think maybe it's because i haven't told her yet. In any case, I have been thinking about it a lot over the past week, and it just feels right (if I put aside my fear and overwhelming nervousness) We have plans to hang out next week. Any advice on how to bring it up? I'm sure "boys" will come into the conversation at some point, maybe I can be like, well... not so much into them, or should I forwardly bring it up and be like "I have something to tell you"? My mind is racing just thinking about it. This is my first time coming out to anyone, and any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!
     
    #1 Erzulie, Mar 15, 2015
  2. Noodle72

    Noodle72
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Maybe try to steer the conversation into LGBT+ related stuff, and (if you don't already know) find out if she's accepting of LGBT+ people. From there, come out however you feel comfortable. I hope this is helpful! :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Noodle72, Mar 15, 2015
  3. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
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    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hugs! (*hug*)

    Good luck!!!
     
    #3 YuriBunny, Mar 15, 2015
  4. Really

    Really
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    I think using the "boys" conversation would be more organic. My preference.

    "So, have you got a boyfriend?"
    "No. No boyfriends for me, ever."
    "What do you mean?"
    "I'm not interested in a boyfriend. I prefer girls."

    Or some variation of that.
    Good luck.
    Let us know how it goes.
     
    #4 Really, Mar 15, 2015
  5. guitar

    guitar
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    If you're not sure if she's LGBT-friendly, mentioning something LGBT might be a good way to gauge how she'll react. I think Really has a good way to transition into that topic.

    One thing I've found is when I say the words "I'm gay" to friends, it usually comes with a lot of questions and people become suddenly very willing to listen about your journey. People are naturally curious and it makes for a great bonding experience between old friends.
     
    #5 guitar, Mar 15, 2015
  6. Erzulie

    Erzulie
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    My plans got cancelled because my friend is sick. :frowning2: I don't want to tell her over text or phone, I really need it to be in person with her. Part of me is relieved (maybe i'm not that ready yet) and the other part is really really disappointed because it didn't happen. But thank you for all the advice!
     
    #6 Erzulie, Mar 21, 2015
  7. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    sorry you missed that opportunity. but there will be other opportunities to tell her F2F. I've been there, and I think that it is easier to just blurt it out; like, I need to tell you something, and then when she's listening just tell her. beating around the bush can make it a lot more agonizing, to the point where you can chicken out. I say this because you describe her as a close friend who gets you. If it were someone not so close, then taking the long way around the barn might make more sense.
     
    #7 Wildside, Mar 21, 2015
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