I need advice about parties, boys, and hooking up lol

I need advice about parties, boys, and hooking up, and coming out

Hey guys, I was wondering if you could give me some advice. Let me explain my situation. This all goes back to me not being out yet, which is why I posted this in the Coming Out section, but also because I didn't really know where to post this. I hope the title doesn't sound insensitive.

As the title said though, I need advice about what to do at parties. There was recently this big after party for the people at my school after this annual set of performances where each grade competes against each other (the sophomores and freshman work together though).
I didn't go to this party and now I regret it because a lot of my friends got drunk and/or hooked up and had fun.

I don't know how to explain this, but I guess the reason I didn't go to this party was because I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Sure, I could get drunk, I could try to dance as best as I could. But then I wouldn't know what to do while most people would be hooking up, which is a big part of this yearly after party (it was also a big part of the homecoming party from earlier this year, which I also didn't go to).

Now the idea of hooking up with someone isn't the most appealing to me because I don't want to be promiscuous (I don't want to slut shame though), but I want a committed relationship (which I've never had before, I've never even been on a date with a guy, I've never even kissed a guy, I've never even told any of the guys I like or the ones that I know are gay that I'm gay!). However, call me thirsty but there's still a big part of me that wants to hook up with a guy, that wants to feel that exhilaration! That lust! Is there still a way I can enjoy myself at parties?

Sadly, I'm still very much closeted. That's what I think is holding me back from going to these parties. I'm really sad too because there's this really cute (sexy!) and really smart senior (he's Brazilian! sorry irrelevant fun fact but it adds to the sexy) who's out and proud as gay (I sat behind him last term in a biology elective). I think he went to the party because I saw him at a pizzeria right before my friends went, I think he went in the same direction with his friends.

I have a hunch that he suspects I'm gay too. Maybe it's his and my gaydars interfering with each other (I'm not a queen but I do have feminine mannerisms that he may have picked up on), but sometimes I noticed that in that elective class he would randomly turn around and stare directly at me (even when there was nobody speaking behind him, so he couldn't have been looking at them). Ironically, when I really crush on a guy, I completely ignore them. So, whenever he would stare at me, I would just keep staring straight ahead, and I wouldn't ever talk to him unless it was with a third person, or if he spoke to me first. Plus I would only look at him when he faced away from me to the front of the room, but sometimes he would turn around and catch me staring at him.

I really like him but he's graduating a year ahead of me in June, so I don't think anything will come of this infatuation. I think he's in our school's GLASS (Gay Lesbian and Straight Spectrum) club, but I'm still too much of a pussy to join that, though I want to, even if it's not to meet him, but to be more out. I really wish he would see this post and know it was me, but since he's completely out he probably doesn't check sites like this... I hope he does.

Oh god this is longer than I thought, I got kind of got carried away. Thanks for reading it all the way through, if you did I hope you found it at least mildly entertaining. Anyways, any advice would be appreciated about my anxiety/problem with parties or with my crush on this gay senior and joining the GLASS club. Thanks!

 

Thanks for the response! Yeah I definitely agree with you about not being recklessly stupid at parties. I don't think I'm gonna pursue this crush because it doesn't seem worth it, but if I do tell him that I'm gay at least I can learn from him a bit about what it's like being out. I have a question though. Did you go to your GSA before or after you came out to everyone? Did it help at all if you went while still closeted? And I don't think going as an ally is going to work for me, it'd be too obvious lol.

 

Thanks for the advice kindy, but actually after a little bit of harmless Internet stalking, I just found out that my crush has a boyfriend already. I'm very disappointed and it sucks, but I'm not heartbroken and at least I'm happy for him. And you're right, I don't think I want sex yet. I just want a relationship with someone to snuggle with and to comfort.

Thanks to you too JooBooGoo, I think that I'm gonna come out to a few more close friends towards the end of the month when I'm less busy. Then maybe I'll think about joining GLASS. I feel like maybe I need to do that before joining because right now I'm still too insecure about coming out to everyone. I know the friends I'm planning to tell are gonna be cool with it though, so that's comforting.

There's actually another guy that I'm kind of crushing on, and solely judging by his appearance and certain mannerisms he has (which I know is not the right thing to do), there's a tiny chance he might be gay. But I'm not getting my hopes up. And he may or may not have a girlfriend, but it's hard for me to find out because he doesn't use social media. Anyways, thanks for the help guys!

 

Little update:
I know I shouldn't be getting this excited, but I was asking my senior crush anonymous questions on Tumblr and I found out that he actually hasn't had a boyfriend in a year!!!! He's also apparently not part of GLASS. But whatever, at least I still have a shot with him! If I ever tell him it was me that was asking him about him being gay.... God I feel so conflicted right now!

 

Finaru, um my school's competition is like a talent competition where the grades compete against each other but it doesn't really have an official name, it's just like a talent show. I've heard though that some schools have something called sing!, is that what your school's talent show is called? lol it'd be funny if we went to the same school tho

Wildside, I don't know if I'm every gonna get the courage to talk to him... but I know it would be a good place to start lol. Thanks.