I am a 22 year old bisexual who, apparently, hates himself. I was home for spring break and I finally came out to my mother (not only as a bisexual, but disclosed to her the 10-month relationship I am currently in with a truly wonderful man). There was some anxiety leading up to it, I've known for about 2 years now, but I thought that if I was confident, everything would be swell. She took it very well, and said other than being shocked, it was fine with her, which is great and I my wish is that everyone who has to go through this has a mom like mine. The problem was that I wasn't ok with it. I had felt like I had let her, and everyone else in my family down. I had left back for school an hour later and the entire several hour trip home, I was plagued with anxiety. "What did I just do?", "maybe I don't want to be with my boyfriend?!", "what if I'm just going through a phase and am ready to go back to exclusively dating women??". It was hard to be alone with these thoughts for so long but as I approached my destination, i came to a realization. It's not anyone else, it's me. I hate myself because of my sexual orientation. I had popped the bubble, where my sexuality at school and at home could be totally different. I think I had subconsciously decided that if I don't want to come out to my family I can just wipe away and forget about all my experiences while I've been away in college. I can't eat and my mind is toasted from trying to figure this out, so I've come to you fabulous people for some advice. How do I get over myself? What do I tell my boyfriend? Thanks to all that read. -Struggles
Hey congrats on telling your mum and it's great she was so good about it! Self doubt over whether I was actually bisexual/whatever label the world has for me plagued me for years. I figured I'd probably known since I was 16 but it took until I was 21 to tell anyone because I just constantly thought "...but what if I'm not?" A big fear for me was coming out because, for most having everyone know, having it out there is the goal but for me it was terrifying. What if this is a phase? Once it's out there you can't take it back. So I struggled because of that but realised that even if I feel I don't fit into the ategory of gay or bisexual or whatever the fact I'm even having these feelings means I'm certainly not 100% straight that's for sure. It took me a long time to tell anyone too because of the reluctance to accept myself and I hated that it was so complicated - it all seemed so much easier for everyone else. So I konw where you're coming from. I've since then, since joining EC really, managed to tell and talk to a lot more ike minded people with the comfort blanket of anonymity and it's lead me to come out to 12 people now which this time last year I'd never have imagined happening. All I can say, is it takes time. It's hard, but having a support network around you (your mum, boyfriend, EC and anyone else you're out to) will be immensely helpful and it's something that will be overcome with time. You are you, everything you feel gay or straight is legitimate and part of you and as hard as it is now, soon you'll be abe to embrace it. If I can get over that hump of self hate, doubt and anxiety - anyone can! Good luck!
You are experiencing a phenomena called "buyer's remorse", or at least the coming out version of it. You weren't sure whether you were ready to come out to your mother, but the part of your personality that wanted her to know so you could be free to be yourself won out over the part that was scared and wanted to stay in the closet. Now the scared part is making a reappearance, because you have not had time to experience any of the benefits of coming out to your mom, only the fear of telling her. I am reminding you that the experience was positive, your mom was great about it, you never have to do that again because now she knows. All you have to do is go live your life without the fear that your big bad secret, which is really not a big deal at all, will be suddenly revealed accidentally to your mom and Something Bad will happen. When some time has passed and nothing bad has happened, your angst will go away, and your self-loathing will follow, as you fully accept that there is nothing wrong with being gay, any more than being tall, or skinny, or having green eyes; it just IS what you are, is not a "phase" you are passing through, so just go spend some time enjoying your boyfriend to distract you from worrying about it.
